Fugue de Saudade
by Musickat18
Summary: Three years ago, they fell in love. It didn't work out. Now Ben is the world famous Kylo Ren, concert pianist made famous by his blend of classical and jazz, and Rey is nearing the end her career at Juilliard. When circumstances bring them back together again, they're forced to confront the pain they've both spent three years trying to get past.
1. Chapter 1

**Full Summary**

_Fugue: _in essence, a fugue is a contrapuntal composition which involves counterpoint, in which more than one musical line plays at the same time. The lines are independent but related harmonically. Creating that relationship isn't easy.

_Saudade:_ The feeling of intense longing for a person or place you love but is now lost.

Three years ago, they fell in love. It didn't work out. Now Ben is the world famous Kylo Ren, concert pianist made famous by his blend of classical and jazz, and Rey is nearing the end her career at Juilliard. When circumstances bring them back together again, they're forced to confront the pain they've both spent three years trying to get past.

* * *

**Chapter 1 **

Three Years Ago

Ben closed his eyes, his fingers sweeping across the keys of the grand piano. The tension melted away, the breath whooshing out of him as he played. He leaned forward, not even needing to open his eyes to know where to go, the keys an extension of himself, appendages that he walked away from each day, that he didn't even know he missed until he returned to them.

His uncle would hate this latest composition. The music turned severe as Ben let himself pour his emotions into the piece, his anger coming through in the harshness of the notes, in the furious staccato of fingers on keys. The severity acted as a balm on his soul. When he had no other outlet for his often overwhelming emotions, he could always count on music to provide him a conduit.

_Why is he always trying to control me, control what I play? Why can't he see that there's more to life than Beethoven?_

It wasn't that Ben hated the classics. In fact, he loved the classics. Chopin was a genius and the inspiration for more than one of Ben's own compositions. But Luke acted like they were the only music worth playing, that anything after 1900 might as well be punk rock – which for the record, Ben also enjoyed. He didn't care what the genre was, he just liked music, and it was frustrating to have his uncle constantly trying to corral his talent, keeping him from being his own person. What was the point of attending Juilliard if he was just regurgitating the work of everyone who'd gone before him? Luke should be helping him with his innovation instead of stopping it.

Ben finished the piece, the notes hanging in the air as he kept the sustaining pedal depressed, staring unseeing at the keys as the sound slowly faded. The song had taken the edge off his roiling emotions, but now that his anger was gone, he was left with the familiar feelings of inadequacy and loneliness.

Sighing, he stood up, walking over to where he'd left his bag, stooping to pick it up mid-stride. His mother was expecting him for dinner that night, a Wednesday night ritual that Ben would just as soon skip. He didn't understand why she did it anyway, since he and his father ate in silence while his mother ranted about politics or tried to get him to understand why Luke was so hard on him. He was twenty-one. Neither of his parents had been around when he was growing up, too busy with their careers, so he didn't really get why his mother was so hell-bent on spending time with him now. But if he didn't go, he'd never hear the end of it. He'd skipped out once to go to a concert and had spent the entire following week's dinner listening to a speech on the importance of keeping commitments. At the end of his mother's rant, he had pointed out that neither of them had kept their commitments to him for the first eighteen years of his life and stormed out.

He walked out to the sidewalk, planning to cut through Central Park. He probably should take a cab or the subway, but he had too much restless energy. If he didn't get rid of it, his mother would ask what was wrong and they'd end up fighting over Luke again.

Like any native New Yorker, he ignored everyone around him, weaving in and out of the tourists and slow walkers. He stuck his earbuds in and scrolled through his phone, trying to decide on a playlist. He needed something loud and obnoxious, something to take the edge off his frustrations – now returning. Eventually he gave up and went to his go-to loud and obnoxious band, Linkin Park. He liked all their music, but chose their first album. It was sufficiently full of screaming and rage, and the musicality was great. Ben smirked to himself at the thought of how annoyed Luke would be if he had to listen to them.

Crossing the street, Ben entered the park, walking with his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. As he walked, he ignored everything. He supposed the park was pretty, but he didn't have the time or inclination to spend walking around like some first time tourist. Plus, he preferred the city over nature any day of the week.

In the space between songs the sound of oddly-played guitar music wormed its way into his ear, causing him to pause both his walking and his music. Generally speaking, he didn't care for anything but piano, but this person wasn't playing any way he'd ever heard. Looking around, he noticed a small crowd and wandered over, ignoring his mental warning that he would be late to dinner if he stopped.

He approached the crowd slowly, trying to figure out what it was about the music that was so unique. When he saw the musician playing, however, all thoughts of music flew straight out of his head as his breath caught. He blinked rapidly, his heart starting to race as he looked at the girl. She looked to be around his age and had her eyes closed as she played, seeming almost oblivious of the crowd surrounding her. The music floated off the guitar. Had he not seen the evidence he might almost have suspected she was playing an instrument with a bow, like a viola or cello. She didn't strum or pluck at the strings the way most guitarists did. Instead she simply let her hands fly across the strings, alternately plucking, tapping, and using her nails to slide down the string. The piece she was playing was so rapid that her fingers were almost a blur and it sounded as if there were multiple players. Had he not seen for himself that it was just her, he would have assumed that there were two or three players. The melody sounded as if it was in a minor key – though he didn't see her playing any actual chords – and yet the piece didn't seem sad, gloomy, or any of the other words usually associated with pieces in minor keys. It almost seemed hopeful. It was genius.

Ben took a step back, taken aback at his response to this girl and her music. Sure, her music was brilliant but there was nothing objectively special about her. She had medium brown hair falling over her shoulder, seemed to be of very slight build, and though her eyes were closed, he assumed they were also probably brown. Not that there was anything wrong with brown eyes – his own were brown - but there was also nothing special about brown eyes. Or brown hair. Or a slight build. There was absolutely nothing extraordinary in this girl's appearance, and yet he couldn't take his eyes off of her. He told himself he should leave, but instead he stared at her fingers as they flew over the guitar. He didn't know much about guitars, but he knew music and he was certain she was not playing actual chords. He wondered if she even knew how to play the thing properly.

Forcing himself to look away from her fingers, he took in other details about her. Her clothes were threadbare and ill fitting. She had a beanie on her head, but her hair had the dulled appearance of someone who'd been a few days without washing. He wondered if she was homeless and was surprised to find himself dismayed at the thought. He frowned, confused. There were plenty of homeless people in New York and he never stopped to care about any of them. So why this girl? Why now?

She finished the piece with a flourish, opening her eyes and smiling at the crowd gathered around, giving a hearty thank you to each person who dropped coins and bills into her guitar case. Ben swallowed, his eyes widening at the smile that lit up her face. It changed her entirely. She went from average to heart-stoppingly gorgeous. And he had been wrong about her eyes. They weren't brown. They were a vibrant green. Ben stared, mouth hanging open, feeling like someone had sucked the oxygen right out of the air.

She looked over at him, blinding him with her smile, and Ben, startled out of his shock, turned quickly and walked away.

* * *

Today

"Earth to Rey."

Rey blinked, looking up from her phone, which she quickly shut off and stuck in her pocket.

Rose frowned, concern etched on her face. "Are you ok? You look a little green."

Rey swallowed, surreptitiously wiping her hands on her jeans and forcing a smile on her face. "Yep. Totally fine."

Rose shared a glance with Finn, who was looking at Rey through narrowed eyes.

"Are you sure?" Finn raised an eyebrow. "You look like you're about to puke."

Rey glanced around, furiously trying to think of a lie. "I'm…just…thinking about my recital next week."

Finn's frown dissipated, but Rose continued eying her. Rey hadn't had problems with nerves before recitals before, so she knew the lie wasn't cutting it with her roommate.

"It's the first time I'll be playing a concerto. If I mess up, I'm screwed. I can't fake my way through it like I can on my own."

Finn took a bite of his sandwich, nodding. "Makes sense," he said, his words distorted around the food in his mouth.

Rose's lips thinned, still not looking convinced, but she nodded, slurping at her soup. "You know you'll do fine. You're a natural."

Rey rolled her eyes, leaning into the lie. "Everyone's a natural at Juilliard."

Finn scoffed, pretending to be offended. "Excuse me. I have spent hours perfecting my craft."

Rose snorted, spraying her soup. Coughing and laughing, she grabbed a napkin.

Finn put his hand over his heart, sticking out his lip at his girlfriend. "You wound me."

Rey watched them, unaware of the sad smile on her face as Rose patted Finn on the arm. "You're right. Saturday nights at the Rocky Horror Picture Show definitely count as honing your acting skills."

Rey let the sounds of her friends' good-natured bickering fade into the background as her thoughts turned to the bombshell she had read on her phone. She hadn't seen him in three years, hadn't even been in the same city with him for three years, and now he was coming. Sometimes when she felt down, she liked to play a little game with herself where she imagined she was the reason he hadn't returned to New York, that maybe he was as heartbroken as she was.

But she also knew that was silly. He had made it perfectly clear that his career came before her. Maybe he had been staying away from his family. Except, his family was still here, so why was he coming now? She knew they hadn't spoken for years. She and his uncle never spoke of the reason she had auditioned at Juilliard, both preferring to pretend that it was complete happenstance he had ended up her mentor.

Maybe he was just over all of them now. Maybe they all meant nothing to him, so he could finally come back to his home town. That thought made Rey's heart squeeze and her throat tighten.

Her chair scraping loudly, she stood up, grabbing her backpack and pulling it over her shoulder.

"Rey?"

Rey pasted a smile on her face. "I just remembered, I have to work on a composition for class."

Turning, she strode quickly out of the diner, ignoring her friends calling after her. She walked quickly, ignoring everyone and everything around her as she hurried to the subway. She absolutely could not cry in public. She refused. She had spent the last three years resolutely not crying in public and she wasn't about to start now.

She managed to slide into the train just as the doors were closing, flopping into the first available seat. She tapped her fingers on her legs, wanting to pull out her phone again, but not trusting herself not to start crying. Instead she practiced on her legs. She knew that stupid concerto so well she could play it in her sleep. She didn't need piano keys to play the piece. She probably looked like a lunatic, playing air piano, but there were plenty of those on the subway every day, so she probably just blended in.

It felt like forever before her stop, but when it finally arrived, Rey pushed her way through the crowd to get off first. She half ran, half walked to the stairs, rushing up them two at a time, hopping around slow people. Thankfully her apartment was only half a block away. She started running, impatient to get back to her room so she could fall apart in peace.

Not for the first time did she rue the fact that she lived on a fourth story walkup. Taking the stairs two at a time again, she hurried up each flight, gasping by the time she reached the top. She pulled out her keys, unlocking the door and tossing the keys into the bowl on the table just inside. Rushing into her room, she shut the door, lungs burning as she leaned against it, dropping her backpack to the floor and pulling out her phone.

She bit her lip, pausing for a moment before unlocking her phone and staring once more at the announcement.

_For the first time in 3 years!_

_Kylo Ren will be playing in his hometown of New York City!_

_Tickets on sale now!_

_Click link below._

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks so much for reading! I've had this plot bunny for the past year and I am super excited to share it with you. I'm a pianist myself so it's going to be so fun to get to share both my passions, writing and music, in one place. Hopefully you enjoy it and I do justice to the scenes in my head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Today

Ben played the last notes of the last song, hanging on for an extra second before lifting his hands. The roar of the audience was near deafening. He forced himself not to wince as the whistles of audience members pierced through the air, standing dutifully and walking to the front center of the stage and bowing. He forced his lips to quirk up, to look pleased by the cheers and standing ovation.

He knew Snoke would expect him to give an encore, but it was all Ben could do not to run off the stage. He glanced quickly to stage right and found Snoke watching through narrowed eyes, nodding towards the grand piano. Ben looked back front before bowing once more and then exiting stage left, the continued clapping and whistles following him.

Gwen Phasma waited for him with a water in her hands.

"You know he'll expect you to go back out," she said as he swiped the drink from her hand and gulped down half the bottle in one go.

"Not tonight." He walked away from her, knowing she was right and he'd likely pay for not giving his audience an encore. He had given them two hours of near constant playing. He had earned their money. Encores were supposed to be a treat but somehow everyone had come to expect it of him. He had no doubt he'd be called names on social media tomorrow, but he but didn't care. Snoke had booked him for concerts all over the world for the past three years with no more than a few days every month for him to rest. If he didn't like Ben not giving encores then he could give him a week off.

Ben entered his dressing room, throwing away the now empty water bottle. Sighing, he took off his jacket and shoes, untucking and unbuttoning his dress shirt and pulling it off as well. Whoever'd been in charge of temperature regulation in Paris had done a terrible job. Ben had been boiling the entire time. He flopped down on the couch, rubbing his eyes with his index finger and thumb. He needed a break. Changing time zones like most people changed underwear was getting to him.

In the beginning it had been exhilarating, going from city to city, hearing people scream his name. Well, his stage name. Snoke had belittled his desire to keep his real name to himself, but his grandfather had used a stage name, so Ben had wanted to. The constant travel had kept his demons mostly at bay, so he had welcomed it. He couldn't think if all he had time for were concerts and sleep. But both his lack of rest and his demons were catching up with him. He was dreaming about her again, about their time together, and he kept waking up more tired than when he went to sleep. What he needed was to kick his feet up on a beach somewhere secluded, maybe one of the atolls in Maldives.

A soft knock at the door startled him. Knowing it wouldn't be Snoke – he never knocked – he gave a tired "come in."

"The crowd is still cheering." Gwen closed the door behind her, dropping into a chair, her long legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles. "He sent me in to make you go back out there."

Ben cursed. "I'm not going back out there. I'm tired and already out of half my clothes."

Gwen nodded, sympathy in her eyes. "I know. That's what I told him. He doesn't care."

"Then he can go out there." Ben closed his eyes, the glare of the lights giving him a headache.

His assistant was quiet, knowing Ben well enough to know he wanted silence. After a few moments, however, the sound of Gwen's silence started to rankle. She would have to go tell Snoke something and probably bear the brunt of his ire. Guilt creeped up, knowing all she did for him, but he couldn't handle Snoke right now.

Ben sighed again. "Tell him my tendinitis is acting up again. If he doesn't want to cancel upcoming dates then he'll have to give me a break."

"Will do."

Ben heard the door close and sighed again, trying to relax the tension in his shoulders. Something had to give soon or he'd be burnt out before he hit twenty-five.

* * *

Three Years Ago

"Congratulations, you just murdered Mozart."

Ben rolled his eyes at his uncle. "The man's been dead for over two hundred years."

"And thank the maker for that," Luke said. "If he heard how you completely butchered his music, he'd probably die of a stroke."

Ben grit his teeth together. "Maybe if Mozart heard how extremely boring his music was under your instruction he'd understand."

Luke scoffed. "Which one of us is the teacher here and which one of us got into Juilliard off his family's name?"

Ben's vision narrowed, turning red at the edges. He shoved away from the piano and stood, knocking the bench over. "If I'm so talentless then why did you and mom make me come here? I never wanted to spend my time playing other people's music."

Luke pointed a finger at him. "Don't throw one of your tantrums at me. And what else would you play? That garbage you work on will lead to nothing."

Ben cursed, knocking Luke's finger away. "Yeah, better be careful or I'll end up a teacher like you." He stepped around Luke, taking five steps and then turning and walking backward. "And by the way, 'that garbage' is the only thing that keeps me from going insane."

Turning back around, he ignored Luke's call, instead flipping him off as he strode out the door. He ran a hand through his hair as he walked through halls that felt increasingly constricting. When he finally found an exit, he shoved the door open, walking quickly out into the street. He had left his backpack in the practice room, but he'd be damned if he was going back there anytime soon. Maybe he'd call Threepio and ask him to do it. That also had the added bonus of pissing off his mother, who repeatedly reminded him Threepio wasn't his personal servant.

Ben snorted. "Just _your_ personal servant, Mom," he said under his breath.

He walked for several blocks before his vision finally started clearing and he could breathe without wanting to put his fist through a wall. The only reason he hadn't was because, despite Luke's best efforts, Ben actually enjoyed playing the piano and didn't want to break his hand.

He slowed when he realized he'd walked straight to Central Park without consciously realizing. Instantly his heartrate picked up, but it wasn't anger causing his restlessness now. Ben had been coming almost daily, as time allowed, to hear that girl's music. Every day for a week he'd been coming by, intent on introducing himself, and every day he had chickened out.

It didn't take long to find her, since she played at the same place every day and always had a crowd. In fact, it seemed like she was gaining in popularity because every day the crowd seemed bigger.

As he always did, Ben hung back, tall enough to see over the top of most heads. She had her eyes closed like she always did, seeming completely oblivious of the people around her. And just like he always did, Ben marveled at this girl's genius. Her use of the guitar was so unusual and yet instead of sounding like garbage, she managed to make it sound beautiful. He wondered, not for the first time, if she had ever been trained. Her grasp of music, of the instrument, had to have come from somewhere. There was no way she had just picked up a guitar and lucked into composing music.

When the song ended, there was a smattering of applause and Ben was treated to his new favorite part of the day. With a smile like hers, she could be a movie star or model. She shouldn't be homeless – as he still suspected she was – she should be working in the arts or acting as the muse for a photographer.

Ben's emotions were still running high enough from his argument with Luke that his nerves at the thought of talking to her were nowhere to be found. He still hung back as the crowd left, not wanting too big of an audience if she turned him down. Instead he slowly walked around the side of the crowd as they left their tips.

When most of the people were gone, she spoke. "I was wondering when you were going to finally say hi."

Ben frowned, looking around the people slowly dispersing to see who she was talking to. When he looked back at her, he blinked, startled to see her looking directly at him.

"Me?" He winced when his voice came out hoarse.

She pressed her lips together, looking like she was trying not to laugh. "Yeah you." She turned away as Ben took a couple steps closer, reaching into her guitar case to gather all the money, stuffing it into a ragged looking draw string bag she had tied to her jeans.

"Y-You noticed me?" Ben nearly rolled his eyes at the hopeful tremor in his voice. Could he be anymore pathetic?

"You're kind of hard to miss, standing a foot taller than most people." She smirked up at him.

Ben felt his ears grow hot and was thankful his long hair hid them. Clearing his throat, he stuck out his hand. "I'm Ben."

When she reached out to grasp his hand, Ben felt something akin to an electrical shot shoot up his arm.

"I'm Rey." Her voice came out soft and distracted as she looked at their hands with a wrinkle between her brows.

He wondered if she had felt it too.

"Hi, Rey." His voice was barely above a whisper as his heart thundered in his ears.

They stopped shaking hands, but neither let go, Rey still peering at their hands and Ben still watching Rey.

Abruptly, Rey pulled her hand back, smiling lightly at him. "Nice to meet you, Ben."

Before he could say more, she turned back to her guitar, putting it into the case and closing it. Ben struggled against the muddled confusion in his brain over that weird shock as Rey started walking away, calling "See you tomorrow, Ben!"

She had only made it a few steps when his brain finally jump started.

"Coffee!" He winced as Rey stopped and turned around, her eyebrows raised.

Clearing his throat, he forced himself to take a step towards her and try again. "I mean, would you like to get coffee with me?"

The corner of her mouth quirked up. "Yeah." She smiled fully. "Yeah, I'd love to get coffee with you."

* * *

Today

Snoke waltzed into the room without knocking as usual, Gwen following him in mouthing "Sorry!"

Ben narrowly avoided sighing, clenching his jaw instead as Snoke grabbed his hands, looking at them.

"They look fine to me."

"You can't see tendinitis," Ben said, his voice dry.

Snoke sneered at him. "Don't give me any of your lip, boy." Tossing Ben's hands away, he walked over and sat in a chair, crossing his legs.

"Let's have a little chat about your childish behavior tonight."

Ben barely succeeded in keeping his temper in check, and by the whisper of a smirk on Snoke's lips, he knew it. Ben had to tread carefully. He didn't want to upset Snoke too much. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Snoke's brand of consequences.

"I barely made it through the songs," he said. "An encore might have done more damage than good."

"Your audience expects to be paid for their applause."

"Funny," Ben said before he could stop himself, "I thought the audience was the one paying to see me."

Gwen came over with two ice packs, placing them on his hands.

Snoke's eyes flashed. "What have I told you about using that tone with me. You sound like a child."

_Maybe that's because you treat me like one._

Ben managed not to say that thought out loud, but it was difficult. He was tired, physically and emotionally, and he wasn't in the mood for another of his manager's speeches. He closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead.

"You can't keep treating your fans like they don't matter if you want to continue to matter to your fans," Snoke said. "They expect you to give them an encore and since you didn't, I'll have to clean up the PR mess tomorrow. Honestly, it's as if you don't even care about your fame, for all I've done for you."

"Maybe I don't." The words slipped out before he could stop them and he tensed, hoping Gwen's presence would help mitigate any punishment Snoke saw fit to throw at him.

Snoke scoffed.

"You're just lazy, like the rest of your family, happy to remain a nobody instead of using your talent."

Ben managed to keep his mouth shut, but being called lazy rankled, given he was breaking labor laws all over the world with how much he had been working the last three years.

"I've booked you for a three night event in New York."

Ben's eyes flew open. "What?"

Snoke smirked at him, knowing how much Ben hated the idea of going back to New York. He hadn't been back there since he left, and if he had his way, he'd never go back.

"I'm not going."

Snoke narrowed his eyes. "I should have chosen the girl."

Ben's mouth opened in a silent gasp as pain sliced through him at the mention of her. "I've given everything I have to you. I left my family. I left – " He cut off as his throat tightened. "All I've ever asked is not to play in New York. I'm not going."

Snoke stood and Ben tried not to flinch as he walked over, reaching out to grasp his jaw in his shriveled hand. For such an old man, his grip was surprisingly strong.

"You'll go, or I'll sue you for breach of contract and make sure you never play in public again." He paused, waiting for Ben to protest further. Ben's heart was in his throat at Snoke's usual threat, but he kept his mouth shut.

"That's what I thought."

Snoke dropped his face, straightening up. "Since you'll need time to recover from your…_ailment_," he sneered, "you'll have the next three days to rest. Then we're on to New York, where you'll be back to your usual sunshiny self, understood?"

Ben was clenching his jaw so hard, it was a wonder he didn't crack a tooth, but he nodded sharply.

"That's what I thought."

Without looking back, Snoke strode out of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Today

Rey lay on her twin bed, her knees pulled up, staring at her phone, reading and rereading the announcement. Ben was coming back to New York. Her heart constricted at the possibility of seeing him again, even if it was only from a distance as an audience member. Even knowing he was going to be in the same city with her made her throat constrict.

Her finger hovered over the link to buy tickets, but she couldn't quite bring herself to tap it. So instead she continued to stare, memories she had mostly kept at bay moving to the forefront of her mind, assaulting her.

Rey prided herself on being strong, capable, not given to emotional breakdowns. She had worked for everything she got, had refused to be a statistic after she aged out of the foster care system and Unkar had thrown her out of his house. She had been determined not to let the harshness of life keep her from finding small joys. And she had found them. She had found her passion in music. Any music. All music. She loved the way the right song could speak to your soul, could bring catharsis to a broken heart, bring a crowd together in a nightclub, could inspire a muse. Technically these past three years had been among the happiest in her life. She had gotten into Juilliard on scholarship, had spent her time pursuing her passion.

And yet, all it took was one little announcement to send all her hard fought peace crashing down around her.

Her thumb twitched but before she could tap the link, she was startled by a knock on her bedroom door. She quickly swiped at her cheeks, smearing the tear tracks away as she sat up, turning her phone off.

Rose peeked her head through the door. "Hey." She frowned, likely noticing the evidence of Rey's emotional breakdown. "Are you ok?"

Rey forced herself to smile brightly. "Yeah, of course. What's up?"

Rose narrowed her eyes, not looking convinced, before smiling widely. "Have you seen the announcement?"

Rey curled her hands into her blanket, squeezing tight. "What announcement?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "About Kylo Ren! Have you seen he's finally coming to New York?"

Rey's throat grew tight, but she forced her smile to stick. "Oh yeah!" She cleared her throat when her voice came out hoarse.

Rose frowned again. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Rey nodded. "Yep. One hundred percent a-okay. Why?"

Rose's frown deepened. "I thought you'd be bouncing off the walls. You've been obsessing over him for as long as I've known you."

Rey rolled her eyes. "I have not been obsessing."

"You are always on his website, listening to his concerts, buying literally everything he puts on iTunes, following where he'll be. If you don't call that obsessing, then you don't know what obsessing is."

Rey stood, leaving her phone in her covers as she walked out of her bedroom, saying over her shoulder, "I just like his music."

"Please. No one _just _likes music that much. You think he's hot."

Rey choked as she opened the small fridge in their kitchen, grabbing out the fixings for a sandwich. "Rose!"

Rose shrugged. "What? He is hot. You know…if you're into that sort of non-traditional handsome vibe." Rose leaned across the counter. "_Which you are._"

Rey pulled out a knife to slice the cheese with, sadness threatening to overwhelm her at talking about Ben so casually. "Can't I just think he's a brilliant musician?"

Rose put on an innocent expression. "Sure. I'm sure lots of people think he's a brilliant musician. But if you were an '80's preteen, you'd have posters plastered on every square inch of wall space…and probably the ceiling. You'd make your own wallpaper out of his face."

Rey rolled her eyes but didn't respond. If only Rose knew just how right she was. She shoved that thought away before she did something stupid like start crying. Then she'd have to explain to Rose that she wasn't just a fan, she was basically a creepy online stalker, watching Ben's every move over the past three years.

No thanks.

Rey finished assembling her sandwich and put everything back in the fridge and pantry.

"Are you going to buy tickets?"

Rose went to the fridge and pulled out a can of soda, following Rey into their tiny living room. Even with two people paying the rent, they could barely afford their 500 square foot apartment. Finding an apartment that had two bedrooms and wasn't asking a million dollars a month for rent had taken some doing, but thankfully Rose managed to find this the day it had become a listing.

"Um…" Rey tried to think of an answer that wouldn't raise more questions. "I don't know if I can really afford tickets. I mean, the scholarship pays for a lot, but I've got to make that money last all semester or I'll have to get a job."

"But it's _Kylo Ren_." Rose narrowed her eyes. "Why aren't you selling your kidney for a ticket?"

Rey took a bite of her sandwich, giving herself more time to think as she shrugged a shoulder. "I guess I just know it'll never happen, so I don't bother getting excited."

Rose eyed her. "Ok. I guess that's fair." She was quiet for a moment, watching Rey with a thoughtful expression. "Are you going to tell me what had you running out of the deli today?"

Rey quickly took another bite, stalling.

"I had that composition. I had almost completely forgotten about it."

"Rey, you turned that in last week."

Rey shook her head, trying to remain cool. "No, I had another one."

Rose crossed her arms. "Tell me about it."

Rey gave her a blank look. "What do you want to know?"

"What key is it in?"

"F major."

"What's the inspiration?"

"Fall."

"What's the name?"

"Fall in F major."

Rose snorted. "You are so lying."

Rey's mouth quirked up. Now she'd have to compose a piece dedicated to fall in F Major just to save face. "I am not. I have a new composition named Fall in F Major."

Rose threw a pillow at her. "You're a lying liar who lies."

Rey rolled her eyes, her mouth curving despite herself. That's what she loved about Rose. She always managed to make her smile or laugh. Rose was also in Juilliard on scholarship, also came from a poor background. Rey only wished she could have Rose's optimism about life. When she had left Unkar's house, she had taken the first bus to New York, and had been optimistic about her life.

And it wasn't that she didn't enjoy her life now. She did. She was grateful for being off the streets, for pursuing her passion, for not having to work while she focused on music, but a part of her had dimmed three years ago when Ben had left. And she had berated herself as a terrible feminist many times between then and now, but it didn't change the fact that he had taken something of her with him.

Deciding a change of subject was in order, Rey shook herself and turned to Rose. "What do you say to vegging in front of the tv tonight?"

Rose hopped up. "I'll go make the popcorn!"

Rey bit into her sandwich, letting her smile drop as Rose rushed around their tiny kitchen in search of the popcorn.

What _was_ she going to do about Ben coming back in town? She couldn't just go see him, could she?

She shook her head. No. No good would come of it. Despite her obsessive behavior the past three years – yes Rose was right – she didn't think she could keep herself together if presented with Ben in person, even if it were just on stage.

* * *

3 Years Ago

"Shit."

Rey bit the inside of her cheek as Ben pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to laugh at his pained expression. She had noticed him the first day he had listened to her play and every day after that. She had wanted to say hi to him several times, but he was always gone before the crowd had dispersed and leaving before people tipped her would mean losing money.

"What?"

His hand dropped and he gave her a rueful look. "I don't have my wallet."

Rey shrugged. "I can treat you."

He blinked at her before frowning. "I'm not letting you buy me coffee."

Rey raised her eyebrows. "Why?" She knew why, but she was curious whether he was ballsy enough to admit it. She crossed her arms, looking him in the eye.

His face cleared of expression, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. She could practically see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to think of an excuse. "Uh. I mean…I don't want you to have to waste money on me."

"It's a coffee. I think you'll live." She rolled her eyes and started walking again.

"No. It's not because you're a girl." Ben's long legs carried him to her in a couple steps before he began to keep pace with her.

Rey pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh. She might have been offended if he wasn't so adorably clueless. "I know that, but thanks for the clarification."

Ben huffed, clearly irritated with himself. "I just mean, you probably need that money. If you want, I can just go get my wallet and meet you somewhere."

Rey rolled her eyes and stopped. "Do you want to get coffee or not?" She waited for his answer with raised eyebrows.

He blinked rapidly for a moment before saying, "Yes."

Rey started walking again. "Great. Then I'm paying." She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, seeing he was about to contradict her again. "You can buy next time."

He didn't say anything, looking straight ahead, but Rey noticed his ears, peeking out from between his hair, were red. She hoped he didn't turn out to be a creep, but she had a sense about people and he didn't give off that creeper vibe.

She knew what he thought, that she was homeless. He wasn't precisely wrong, but he wasn't precisely right either. Rey got by. She had regular showers and mostly regular meals. Ever since she had started playing for tips, she'd had plenty of money to see to her means. She even had new clothes – well new to her at least – but she didn't wear them when she played. She had found out the first day she wore her new clothes that people were less likely to tip, or at least tip well, if they didn't think she was homeless.

They walked in silence, weaving in and out of people until Rey entered the door of a local coffeeshop. She liked to come here when it was cold. They had leather seats and a great Earl Grey, and they didn't judge her.

"Rey!"

The owner called her name, seeming delighted to see her, before doing a double take. "Ben?"

Ben slowed to a stop, only then seeming to realize where they were. "Uh…Hi, Lando."

Lando raised his eyebrows. "Just Lando, eh?" He looked between them. "Yeah, I guess calling me Uncle Lando wouldn't seem manly enough in front of the lady, right?"

Rey smirked as Ben's cheeks turned red. Turning to him, she said, "You're related?"

Ben cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair. "Uh. He's a family friend."

Lando laughed. "I've known Ben since before he was born. Used to call me Unca Wanwo."

Rey grinned. "That's adorable."

Ben sighed. "As fun as this trip down memory lane is, can I order a coffee?"

Lando winked at Rey and she smiled back. "One black coffee coming up. And for the lady?"

"I'll take tea, actually."

Lando pointed at her. "With milk and sugar on the side, right?"

Rey smiled. "That's it."

Lando set about making their drinks after Rey paid him – Lando quirking an eyebrow at Ben when she did so – and she led Ben to her favorite spot, a small table in the corner of the shop. Setting down her guitar, she sat as Ben grabbed the other seat.

"Sorry about that," Ben said, his cheeks still pink, eyes downcast as he fidgeted with his fingers.

"What? I thought it was cute."

Ben's mouth quirked up. He looked at her through long eyelashes and she was struck, as she had been the first day she'd seen him, by how handsome he was. His hair looked like he belonged in a conditioner commercial, his eyes were framed by ridiculously long eyelashes, and his eyes were a lovely shade of mahogany. He had the sort of features that should look strange – ears that stuck out, a large nose, a veritable constellation of moles and freckles across his face – and yet they all seemed to complement one another, the result of which was a stunningly attractive man.

She wondered again about that strange spark that had shot up her arm the moment they had touched hands. It had given her a weird fluttery feeling in her stomach and her heart had felt like it skipped a beat. She'd never felt anything like it, and in fact probably would have rolled her eyes at anyone who claimed to have experienced such a generic rom-com moment. Except it hadn't felt like a generic rom-com moment. At all.

Lando brought their drinks, setting them down with a wink at Ben. Rey poured the milk and added the sugar to her tea as Ben wrapped his hands around his mug, looking uncomfortable.

"Tell me about yourself, Ben."

He cocked his head. "What do you want to know?"

Leaning back in her chair, she took a sip of her tea. Unkar had always made fun of her for her English style of tea drinking, but she hadn't cared. She'd tried it that way after reading about how the English took their tea and had never looked back. It was delicious.

"How does Lando know your parents?"

Ben tapped his nail against the cup, the little clinking sound acting like a herald to his nerves. In a strange way, it made her happy that she made him so nervous.

"Uh…he and my dad knew each other in high school."

"What do your parents do?"

Ben took a deep breath. "Well, my dad is a mechanic and my mom owns a production company."

Rey raised her eyebrows. "A production company? What's she produce?"

Ben looked out the window and Rey got the distinct feeling he didn't like talking about his family.

"Broadway musicals mostly."

She took another sip of her tea. "Was she an actress?"

He shook his head. "No. She was a musician."

Rey sat up straighter. "Really? What instrument?"

Ben tapped his nail against the cup again, finally raising it to take a drink. "Piano mostly. But she kind of dabbled in writing symphonies."

Rey blinked at him. "She wrote symphonies." His mother was a Broadway producer who "dabbled" in writing symphonies. Wild.

"She likes music, but she didn't really like performing. She prefers acting behind the scenes, calling the shots."

He mumbled something that sounded like "like my life" into his cup as he took another sip.

"Did she go to college?"

He tilted his head back and forth. "In a way. She went to Juilliard."

Rey recoiled in shock, mouth open. "She went to Juilliard?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it's kind of a thing in my family. Her father went, she went, her brother went. I'm the third generation in my family to go."

She stared at him. "You go to Juilliard." He nodded again. "The most prestigious performing arts college in the country and you just casually drop that you're the third generation in your family to go." She whistled. "You're even more interesting than I thought you'd be."

The corners of his mouth turned up and his cheeks reddened again, like he was pleased by her shock.

"So, what's your grandpa do then?"

Ben sighed. "He died before I was born. He was a jazz musician. Apparently, he left my grandmother alone most of the time while he traveled around trying to find work as a musician. He died in a bar fight and she had to figure out how to raise my mom and uncle as a single mom."

Rey grimaced. "Yikes."

He nodded. "Yeah. My mom and uncle blame jazz music for tearing the family apart. They say the lifestyle is nothing but drugs, booze, and 'loose living.' My grandma died before I was born too, but I guess she was so stressed out trying to raise two children that she died of a heart attack. My mom and uncle ended up getting raised by separate families. They lost contact after they were separated but looked one another up when they hit eighteen and found out they were both set to start Juilliard in the fall. Anyway, they've been the only family the other had for awhile now."

He looked down at his cup. Rey watched him, noting his knuckles whitening as he gripped the cup hard.

"I just wish they would both realize that jazz wasn't to blame."

Rey cocked her head to the side. "Why?"

Ben huffed, not quite laughing. "I love it. I love composing jazz music, but they both act like I'll go straight to snorting coke if I go into jazz. They think I should go the classical route like they did. It's idiotic."

Rey considered him as he frowned into his coffee. "Have you ever thought about telling them how you feel?"

He exhaled sharply through his nose. "I've tried. They don't listen. They say they know what's best for me, blah blah blah."

Rey chewed her lip. A guy who was the third generation in his family to go to Juilliard. What would that be like? What kind of legacy would he have to live up to and how frustrating to be held back from his true passion?

"I'd like to hear you play."

Ben's head snapped up, his eyes widening slightly. "Really?"

The corner of her mouth quirked up. He was cute. "Yeah really. I want to hear what jazz you're composing."

He pressed his lips together and ducked his head. "Yeah, ok. I'd like that."

"Great. It's a date." She smiled into her cup as his head came up again, his lips parted.

He was really cute.

* * *

Today

"Stop!"

Rey sighed, dropping her hands from the piano as the symphony members shuffled in their seats. The conductor eyed Luke as he made his way over to her.

"Just give us a minute, please," he said to the man, sitting down on the bench with her.

Rey fidgeted, knowing what he was going to ask.

"What's going on with you today?" He kept his voice low so that it couldn't be heard over the shuffling of papers and instruments, the low hum of voices.

Rey shrugged. "I don't know."

"You don't know." The words were repeated in a flat tone of voice.

Rey fidgeted, not wanting to admit the real reason she kept flubbing. It was humiliating. She had to perform this piece in a week. She was wasting these people's time by constantly messing up and throwing everything off. And yet, here she was, letting the thought of Ben coming back to New York completely ruin her concentration.

Luke rubbed his beard. "This wouldn't have anything to do with my nephew coming back into town would it?" He spoke the words softly, but Rey still flinched.

Luke sighed, leaning closer and putting a hand on her shoulder. "I don't claim to know everything that happened between you, and I've been plenty happy to keep up the charade that neither of us have a connection outside of me being your mentor, but you can't let this distract you. You're the best student I've had…well maybe ever. Including Ben."

Rey looked up at him. His eyes mirrored her own sadness.

"It's stupid," she said. "I'm never like this."

"I know." He raised his eyebrows. "Which is why I know you're feeling a lot. But remember what I taught you. Use the emotion. Channel it. Direct it into the song. Let the audience feel what you feel."

Rey swallowed, nodding because she didn't trust herself to talk. This had been a point that Luke had hammered in time and again, always pushing her to put herself into the music, to let the audience feel her emotions, and every time the thought made her tense. She knew the best music, and the best musicians, put everything out there; they didn't hold back. That's what made them great. When the emotions she felt were happiness, joy, or thankfulness, it was easy to do. When it was sadness, when she was thinking of Ben, however, the emotions felt private, raw, too many and too big to share with the world. But Luke was right. Instead of letting it distract her, she should use it.

She sat up straighter, squaring her shoulders and ignoring the flutter of nervousness in her stomach. "Ok. I'm ready."

Luke got up, squeezing her shoulder as he nodded at the conductor. She nodded at him as well, smiling sheepishly at the rest of the musicians.

"I'm sorry. I'm ready."

"From the top then," he said.

Rey took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she heard the rustle of papers as the rest of the musicians readied themselves to play from the beginning. She thought of the first time she had heard the song, _Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini. _

She placed her fingers on the piano and pressed, letting all distractions fall away as she recalled the feeling of going to the symphony with Ben, of hearing the song for the first time. It had been nearly overwhelming. The music swelled, the symphony joining her, and Rey channeled the nearly overwhelming bittersweet feelings into the music, moving her whole body without even realizing, leaning into the song, into the notes that suddenly became a story of a happier time. She played a time when her love of music had been new and she had been newly in love. The music swelled and she played with an intensity that mirrored the emotions she had felt then, the happiness that had threatened to overwhelm her, the love that had scared her with its intensity. As the music faded back down to just her, she let the sadness she had kept locked away flow through her hands. She played the melancholy reliving those memories brought with them.

When the last notes of the song faded, she opened her eyes, only then realizing that she had tears running down her cheeks. She sniffed, swiping at her face quickly, her cheeks heating.

"I think that does it for today!"

Luke thanked the conductor and other musicians and they began filing away, putting instruments in cases. During the loud ruckus, he came over, squeezing her shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

Rey nodded, staring down at her hands. He sat next to her again, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Rey bit her lip hard, emotions she had been keeping locked tight threatening to come spilling out.

"That was the most beautiful I've ever heard you play."

She tried to smile, but only managed an uptick on the corners of her mouth. "I hope I didn't just peak."

"Somehow I don't think so." Dropping his arm, he placed his hands on the piano keys and began running through bits and pieces of a bunch of different songs. "I think this is going to be quite the finale for your recital." He spoke over the music, as if playing it was second nature to him. "If you can recreate what you just did, then I'll be shocked if you don't get a standing ovation."

He pulled his hands away, the music dropping away, nothing but a faint echo. Standing he patted her shoulder again, leaving Rey to try to collect herself before she headed home. If she came home with bloodshot eyes, then Rose would want to know what was wrong.

Sighing, she headed to the bathroom, intent on splashing cold water on her face to get rid of the redness and puffiness.

When she was satisfied that she looked at least halfway presentable, she headed for the subway home. She felt exhausted, physically and emotionally. She didn't know if she could repeat what she had done. How would she manage to keep it together during her recital? If she was tapping into her emotions like this, she was going to be a mess. She might end up having a breakdown in front of a few thousand people. Maybe she could tap into different emotions. Maybe she could think of her childhood instead. Somehow, she doubted it would play the same, but she didn't know if she could handle the flood of emotions without getting washed away by tears.

She fell into a seat on the subway, leaning her head back against the glass and closing her eyes. She just wanted to sleep. She wanted to pretend that she hadn't seen the announcement and could go back to pretending all day every day that she wasn't sad all the time.

Rose, Finn, and their friend Poe all provided great distractions for her, and she was really good at pushing everything back so she could enjoy the moment, the movie, the concert, the meal, whatever. Rose had never picked up on why Rey really followed the career of Kylo Ren so closely. Clearly, considering how surprised she had been by Rey's lack of enthusiasm over his upcoming concert dates in New York.

Rey dragged herself up the stairs to her apartment, feeling like she was pulling her feet out of a tar pit with each step. She didn't even want to eat dinner anymore. She just wanted to sleep.

Fishing her key out of her pocket, she opened the door, falling back a step when a phone was suddenly shoved in her face.

"SURPRISE!"

She blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of what was happening. Someone grabbed her arm and pulled her in the door.

"What's going on?" she asked, squinting at the brightness of their tiny apartment and then realizing she was facing three smiling faces.

Finn – the one who'd shoved the phone in her face – Rose, and Peo were all staring at her expectantly. Rose was bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"I was telling Finn about how you weren't going to buy tickets to go see Kylo Ren because you're too responsible for your own good and long story short –"

"We bought tickets for you!" Finn shouted the last part, shoving the phone in Rey's face again.

Her heart felt like it was on a rollercoaster, both rising and plummeting as the words on the screen came into focus. Her friends had purchased four tickets for opening night of Kylo Ren's concert.

* * *

**A/N:** For anyone curious about what Rey plays, type in youtube dot com and paste this at the end: /watch?v=jdqLhl48fxY


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Today

"Rey?"

Rose shared a glance with Finn while Poe stared at her with a confused frown.

Rey snapped her jaw shut, wondering when exactly it had fallen open, and blinked rapidly as Finn lowered the phone.

"Yeah. Sorry." She scrambled to rein in her raging emotions, but the exhaustion of the day made it more difficult that usual. She tried to force a smile, but her cheek muscles were refusing to work with her.

"Sorry," she repeated, looking at the three of them. "I'm just…so surprised."

Rose gave her a penetrating look, looking unconvinced, and Rey gathered what little mental fortitude she had left to try to make her smile genuine.

"He never comes to New York," Finn said, seeming oblivious of the tension between her and Rose. "We couldn't let you not see him. Besides, it's not like we all wouldn't want to see Kylo Ren in concert. The man's a genius."

Rey looked away from Rose to Finn, eyebrows drawn together. "Really? I didn't know you liked his music."

Finn quirked an eyebrow. "What? Just because I'm not studying piano at Juilliard doesn't mean I can't appreciate good music." He crossed his arms. "I go to all your performances, don't I?"

She didn't have to work to make her smile genuine this time. "Yeah. I guess I thought it was because you were my friend, not because you appreciated the music."

Poe put a hand over his heart as Rose continued to watch Rey through narrowed eyes.

"I'm genuinely hurt, Niima," Poe said. "After all the long, meaningful conversations we've had."

Rey cocked her head, thankful for Poe's levity. "Sorry, who are you again?"

She smirked, stepping forward to hug him. "I'm kidding. Thank you guys so much for the tickets."

She hugged Finn and Rose before stepping back. "I'm sorry I wasn't more enthusiastic. I had kind of a rough day, so I'm actually going to go to bed early." She started walking backwards to her room. "But seriously, thank you guys so much. That is really sweet."

She turned around before they could say much else, entering her room and closing the door, her smile dropping. She had never been more thankful for their tiny apartment, where she only had to take about five steps to get to her bedroom.

She dropped her bag on the floor, rubbing her eyes with her thumb and index finger. She stripped off her shirt and pants, falling into bed in her underwear. Too tired to even mess with unhooking her bra, she pulled the covers over her head and fell straight to sleep.

* * *

Three Years Ago

"Ok, yesterday all we talked about was me," Ben said. "I want to know more about you."

Rey took a sip of her tea, trying to decide how much to tell him. She had managed to avoid talking about herself the day before because Ben had left in a rush, cursing when he realized he was late for something. How was she supposed to explain her life to someone who had never known anything except his own family, probably living in some penthouse. He was basically music royalty. She was just a sort-of homeless orphan, making money by playing guitar for tips.

"What do you want to know?"

"You have a slight accent, but I can't place it. Where are you from?"

Rey barely avoided sighing. She tapped her index finger on the side of her teacup before setting it down.

"I lived in England until I was five."

Ben's eyes widened. "Really? Why did your parents come to the States?"

Rey looked down, running her finger around the rim of her cup. "I don't know. They died not long after we got here."

Silence stretched between them, her shoulders tightening with each passing second. Eventually she looked up. Ben was leaning back, a hand covering his mouth, his other arm banded across his middle, his elbow resting on it. Dropping his hand, he opened and closed his mouth several times, seeming at a loss.

Rey cleared her throat, looking out the window. "Anyway, I was in the foster care system until I turned eighteen."

"I'm so sorry."

Rey turned her gaze back to Ben's, confused by the intensity of emotion she found there. Her life was sad, sure, but they'd only know each other for a day. She shrugged, uncomfortable.

"It is what it is." She took a deep breath. "Anyway, I used the money I had managed to save to buy a bus ticket here to New York."

She picked up her tea and took a sip as Ben asked, "What made you decide to come to New York?"

She shrugged as she set the cup back down. "I didn't want to become some random foster care statistic and figured New York was as good a place as any to try to make something of myself."

"How long have you been playing the guitar?"

Tilting her head, she did some mental calculations. "About six months, give or take."

Ben blinked, his eyebrows stretching up as he once again sat back. "Six months? That's it?"

A corner of Rey's mouth ticked up. "Yeah. I uh…found a guitar and started playing around with it."

He stared at her, seeming at a loss for words again. "So, you've never had any formal training? No lessons?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I went to the library and watched youtube videos on the basics and taught myself."

Ben leaned forward, waving a hand at her. "Wait a minute. You watched videos, without having the guitar with you, and then what? Remembered what they said?"

Rey smirked into her cup before nodding. "I mean, I had the guitar with me in the case, but I didn't play it in the library, so yeah."

He blinked at her, his mouth hanging open. "Do you even have any idea how brilliant your music is?"

She shrugged again. "Good enough to get me decent tip money."

He shook his head. "No. No." He ran a hand down his face, and Rey had the sudden urge to laugh at his look of incredulty. He turned his gaze back to her, surprising her again with the intensity of emotion in his eyes. "You don't get it. Your music is genius. The musicality is crazy and inventive. You're amazing." He huffed a laugh. "And you've never even had a lesson."

Rey felt her face heating in the wake of his compliments. Knowing that he knew so much about music gave extra weight them. She ducked her head. "Thank you."

Silence fell between them, Ben leaning back again studying her with a distant look in his eye, and Rey looking out the window, sipping her tea and pretending she didn't notice his stare.

She knew that picking up a guitar and watching youtube videos wasn't the conventional way to learn music, but she was a quick study at other subjects in school and figured it was just a product of being a gifted learner. She hadn't considered that she might be legitimately talented.

"Where do you live?"

Rey blinked rapidly, shaking her head out of her thoughts and turning back to see Ben watching her.

"What?"

He looked at his watch. "I have to get back to class soon and thought I could walk you home if you live close by."

Rey bit her lip as she considered whether or not she wanted Ben to know where she lived. She wasn't worried he would stalk her – she sensed he wasn't the type – but she didn't really want to see the look on his face when he saw her living conditions.

Seeming to sense her hesitation, Ben sat back quickly, his cheeks turning red. "Never mind. Forget I asked."

Rey shook her head. "No. No, it's fine."

He held his hands up. "No, I get it. You barely know me. Of course, you don't want me knowing where you live."

"Ben."

She shook her head, but before she could speak, he stood, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. "No, no. Don't worry. I'm not upset. I mean, of course you want to be safe. I want you to be safe too."

He turned around, taking two steps before stopping and looking back at her. "Um. Do you want to do this again? Tomorrow?"

Rey smiled shyly. "Yeah. I'd like that."

He smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes, and nodded. "Yes. Right. Ok. So, I'll see you tomorrow then."

Rey watched him walk away feeling oddly upset. He was exactly right about her not wanting to let just anyone know where she lived. She wasn't exactly ashamed, but for whatever reason, what Ben thought mattered to her, even though she knew it shouldn't.

He was already out the door when she downed the last of her tea, decision made, and then hurried out after him.

"Ben!"

She jogged up to him as he stopped, looking bewildered when he turned around. She stopped several feet away, sucking in air, even though she hadn't even run half a block.

"I'd love it if you walked me home."

She bit her lip as she waited for him to reply.

He stared a moment before a grin spread across his face. "Yeah?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

She couldn't help her smile at the adorably hopeful expression that dawned on his face.

"You'll have to tell me where to go."

Rey started and then laughed. "Oh right." She pointed in the opposite direction. "It's actually this way."

Ben stepped towards her, gesturing. "After you."

Rey clasped her hands in front of her as she started walking, Ben keeping pace with her. They were silent for several minutes. Rey didn't know what to say, suddenly feeling sure she was making a mistake. Worry gnawed at her as she imagined the look of pity on Ben's face when he saw her home.

"Do you live alone?"

She glanced over at him. Seeing he looked just as worried as she felt, some of her tension dissipated. She exhaled. "Yeah."

"Do you like it?"

She picked at a hangnail, shrugging. "It's fine. New York turned out to be more expensive and harder to find a place to live than I expected. So, when I happened upon this living situation, I took it. It's not ideal, but it's fine. Better than where I lived before, at the very least."

Ben nodded and they walked along in silence again.

"Was…was it really bad?" He glanced at her. "Being in foster care?"

She shrugged again. "I mean, not technically. Plutt took me in because I was good with machines, but he only paid me after I threatened to tell my social worker he was making me work without pay. But all things considered, it wasn't a horrible place. It just –" She paused trying to think of a good way to describe it. "I never felt like I had a real home."

She felt her cheeks warming again at the admission. What was it about Ben that made her open up so easily? She never talked about her life. Her friends in high school had hardly known anything about her, though admittedly she had purposely avoided getting close to people. Being in foster care meant she never knew when she might be transferring schools.

They rounded a corner and Rey cleared her throat, stopping in front of a boarded-up building.

"This is me."

Ben looked at the building and then back at Rey, clearly trying to hide his shock. "This is where you live?"

She bit her lip again as she nodded. "Yep. Home sweet home."

"It's…" She could tell he was trying not to insult her and felt a strange urge to smile.

"It's a condemned building. I know it's not a fancy penthouse. I won't be offended."

Ben exhaled. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you to actually be homeless."

She raised her eyebrows. "I'm not homeless." She pointed to the building. "That's my home."

A wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows. "Yeah, but that's not a real home."

Rey crossed her arms, affecting more indignation than she felt. "It's where I sleep every night. It has my clothes and personal belongings. What would you call it?"

A sheepish look crossed his face. "You're right. I'm sorry." He looked over at the building again. "But it can't be safe."

She shrugged. "Eh. It's got walls, a roof, and it's free. And more importantly, it's all I can afford at the moment." She smirked. "I'm not exactly Rockefeller, living off tips in the park."

"Does it even have running water?"

Rey shook her head. "No, but there's a YMCA about half a block away. I bought a membership there so I can use their showers, and I buy bottled water."

He frowned at the building, still looking worried. She laughed. "It's really fine, Ben. I've been living here for six months."

He turned back to her. "If it's condemned, they'll probably be tearing it down. What will you do then?"

She shrugged. "Cross that bridge when I get to it. I opened up a savings account. I dump as much of the tip money in there as I can. Hopefully by the time it's time to move, I can afford to get one of those postage stamp apartments."

"You're…surprisingly logical and well organized for someone living in a condemned building."

Rey rolled her eyes, pressing her lips together to keep a smile off her face. "And you're unsurprisingly snobby for rich music royalty."

Ben reeled back, his mouth dropping open. "I'm not music royalty. And I'm not snobby."

Rey, unable to hold back any longer, laughed. "Yes, you are. But it's not your fault." She shrugged. "You've never had to live on your own."

He started to protest but Rey gave him a look. "Didn't you say you had a class to get to?"

Ben cursed, looking at his watch, clearly having forgotten he had somewhere to be. "I'm going to have to sprint to get there on time." He started backing away. "So, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

A corner of Rey's mouth tipped upwards as she nodded. "I'll be where I always am."

Ben smiled at her before turning around and jogging back down the street and around the corner.

* * *

Today

Rey considered staying home and moping in lieu of going to class, but instead, dragged herself out of bed and into the shower. Despite more sleep than she usually got, she felt half dead. She stood under the spray, the warm water relaxing knots in her shoulders.

She thought about seeing Ben again and her stomach did the rollercoaster thing again, as if her body couldn't decide between dread and elation. She knew it was ridiculous to spend three years pining for a guy who had left her for fame. She should be furious with him. She had had days in the beginning where her anger felt all consuming, but it had burned away pretty quickly, leaving her with a hole in her heart that still hadn't closed.

She shut off the water, wrapping first her hair and then her body in a towel and walking back to her room. She just wanted to drop back onto the bed, but instead, went through the motions of dressing, throwing on yoga pants and an old t-shirt. She shook her hair out, combing through it with her fingers. Usually she took the time to dry it, but today she didn't have the energy.

Why was he coming back? She kept circling back to this question. He had seemed to avoid New York for years and now he was returning? She kept trying to think of reasons why he might be returning. She didn't flatter herself enough to think she was the reason he had stayed away. Most likely he was avoiding his parents and uncle. She knew only too well the tumultuous relationship they had had. Maybe they had finally decided to patch things up. She thought about asking Luke when she arrived at her private lesson, but scratched that idea. Luke was her mentor, but excepting yesterday, they never spoke about their connection.

She tugged on some shoes, grabbed her backpack, slung it over her shoulder, and walked out the door. Normally her voracious appetite had her eating anything she could get her hands on, but today the thought of food made her stomach turn.

She berated herself as she walked out onto the noisy New York street. What kind of pathetic loser spent so much time pining over a guy? A guy who had dumped her, no less. It was absolutely, one hundred percent, ridiculous to still be hung up on him after three years.

She had been having this same conversation with herself ever since he had left, and it never worked. She knew it was ridiculous, knew she should be angry with him, should never want to see him again, and yet, the moment she heard he was coming to New York, the delicate balance of her emotions had been upended.

She went through the motions in her classes. Aside from her private lesson, her favorite class was composition. She had thrown herself into her studies these last three years, trying to find ways to extricate Ben from her heart. She had mastered guitar and could at least pass for a middle school musician on the violin, cello, clarinet, and trumpet. She enjoyed writing symphonies, enjoyed the challenge of fitting all the moving pieces together. It was like the music version of being a mechanic.

She arrived early to her last class, her individual tutoring with Luke. They would be working on the pieces Rey would be performing at her recital, but she turned to an old favorite while she waited, the Moonlight Sonata. She let the steady beat and melancholy tone seep into her soul, pulling out her own melancholy emotions, giving the song an additional haunting quality. She let herself relax into the music. Her favorite part about playing pieces like these were how they could empty her mind, that she became nothing but the music. She could switch everything off and just play.

When the last note hung in the air, Rey started at a sudden clapping behind her.

Luke walked up, a knowing smile on his face. "Bravo. See what happens when you put yourself into the music? I've never heard that piece sound more haunting."

Rey ducked her head, her cheeks heating under Luke's praise. He walked over to her, squeezing her shoulder as he headed for the side of the grand piano, leaning against it.

"How are you holding up?"

Rey lifted a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug, surprised he was even asking. "I've been better." She looked up at him. "My friends bought me tickets to opening night."

Luke recoiled, his eyebrows disappearing into his silver hair. "Are you going to go?"

It was strange, talking with Luke about her personal life. They tended to keep their relationship strictly within the confines of teacher and student, but Luke was also the only person in her life who knew what Rey had been through.

"I can't skip it without raising a bunch of questions I'd really rather not answer." She tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. "I-I've been following Ben through his website for years. My roommate thinks I'm a fangirl. I tried to play it off like I didn't have the money to purchase tickets, which isn't a total lie, but then she and some other friends went and purchased a ticket for me."

She chewed her lip, wondering if she dared ask about Luke's relationship with his nephew. She took a deep breath.

"Have you or Leia heard from him?"

Luke shook his head, putting his elbow on the side of the piano and resting his chin on his palm.

"No. Ben's parents and I haven't heard a single word from him since he left."

Rey heard the regret in Luke's tone. He probably believed he was at fault for Ben cutting ties with everyone, and she couldn't blame him for thinking so. The last weeks before Ben left had been filled with a lot of angry words from both of them. It didn't explain why Ben had left her, however. She had only ever been there for him while he raged about how his uncle treated him.

"Then why is he coming back?"

Rey didn't mean to ask the question out loud, but since it was out there, she met Luke's eye, wondering if he had any insight into his nephew's mind.

"I've been asking myself that very question," Luke said, "and I can't come up with a good reason."

"Oh."

Silence fell over the room as they both got lost in their thoughts. After several minutes, Luke straightened, startling Rey out of her mind with a loud clap of his hands.

"Well. Let's get started. You have less than a week now before your performance. Let's see how you're doing."

Rey nodded, doing her best to put Ben from her mind and focus on her music.

But one question still refused to be shuffled away.

Why was Ben returning to New York?


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

Today

Rey sat alone in her room that night, having told Rose she wasn't feeling well. Her roommate hadn't tried to hide her suspicion, but whatever she saw in Rey, she had kept her questions to herself, nodding as Rey grabbed a soda and leftover pizza and went into her room.

She had wolfed down the pizza, not having eaten anything that day, and was currently sipping at her soda while staring at her phone's google app, trying to decide whether or not to search the web for Kylo Ren. She had stopped seeking out articles about Ben a couple years ago after she ran across a gossip column linking Ben to a tall, blonde, bombshell of a woman named Gwendoline Phasma. She was Rey's exact opposite in everything, and it had felt like she was stabbed in the heart when she saw the picture of them smiling at each other at some party. Ever since then, Rey had completely avoided everything but Ben's website.

But now, while completely sober, she was actually considering googling him again. She chewed on her lip, her thumb tapping against the soda can as she considered whether or not she was prepared to find out more about Ben's social life. She hadn't dated anyone, despite multiple offers – including one from Finn before he and Rose became an item. She knew the old adage of dating more people to exorcise an ex from your life, but just the thought had turned her stomach.

She typed Ben's name into the search, her finger hovering over the search button. What if she found out he had been dating girl after girl? Or worse, what if he and Gwendoline Phasma were still together? What if they'd gotten married?

Exhaling sharply, Rey closed the google app and tossed her phone onto her bed. She was better off not knowing.

* * *

Today

"This is so exciting!"

Rose squealed as the ticket taker verified their tickets, her arm linked with Rey's. Rey tried to look equally excited, but the truth was, she was one wrong step away from throwing up. The last couple days had flown by with remarkable speed. It seemed to be a law of the universe that if you were dreading something, time automatically sped up.

She grasped her skirt with her free hand, trying to dry off her palm. She had spent the time leading up to this evening wondering whether she would prefer Ben looking happy or as miserable as she had been. She had tried and failed several more times to google him to see what his social life was like. In the end, she had decided she preferred not to know if he had moved on. Sometimes ignorance really was bliss.

They entered Carnegie Hall and Rey looked around. She hoped to be able to play here someday, though her goals weren't as lofty as playing solo. She was hoping to get a job as a pianist for the New York Symphony. She knew her chances were pretty slim. It's not as if they needed more than one or two pianists, but still, it was what she hoped.

People were milling about the lobby, some buying Kylo Ren's albums and other memorabilia, some people standing in line for the bathroom. Rose tugged on her arm.

"Come with me. I need to pee."

"What is it with women and peeing in pairs?" Poe asked.

Finn clapped Poe on the back, ushering him towards the door. "Best not to ask questions to which there are no answers." Rey rolled her eyes, the corners of her mouth tipping upwards as she tried not to smile. Finn winked at her and Rose. "We'll find our seats and meet you in there."

"Sounds great!" Rose said, tugging Rey's arm. Rey skipped after Rose, who, for such a tiny person, could really book it across a crowded room. "We have to hurry. The line is forever long and I don't want to miss the start."

The line to the women's bathroom stretched out and around one corner. Rey glanced at her phone, noting they only had about ten minutes before the concert started. She doubted they'd make it to the front of the line before it was time for the concert to start.

They made their way to the back of the line. The good news was it was moving surprisingly fast. Rose chattered on about how excited she was, but Rey wasn't paying attention. Movement had caught her eye and when she turned around, she saw none other than Gwendoline Phasma gaping at her.

* * *

Three Years Ago

"You have to perform in less than twenty-four hours, Ben."

Ben huffed, gritting his teeth together as he dropped his hands from the piano keys. "What was it this time?"

Luke pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're distracted."

"I'm not distracted."

"You're so distracted, I don't even know how you made it through the song. You might as well have been playing chopsticks."

Ben gritted his teeth. "Maybe I'm distracted because I'm bored out of my mind playing some eighteenth-century composer's music in the most boring way possible."

Luke snorted. "And what would you prefer? To play that god-awful jazz mashup you've been working on?"

Ben felt his anger rising at the barb, curling his hands into fists. "When are you going to realize that you can't blame jazz music for your father's bad behavior?" Despite knowing he needed to keep his temper, Ben's voice rose with each word.

Luke pointed at him. "And when are you going to realize that I have your best interest at heart? It's not the music, it's the lifestyle. You want to become some coked out musician with a wife and kids he never sees? Die young? Potential wasted? Leaving your wife alone, working herself to death?"

Ben stood, the bench crashing to the ground in his haste. "Just because it happened to him does not mean I'd be that idiotic."

"Are you kidding? You're just like him. Exactly the same."

Ben ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "So, what? You're telling me you think I don't have enough self control to stay away from drugs? Use a condom? Generally not be a moron?"

"I'm telling you," Luke said, his voice starting to rise as well, "that fame gets to you. It gets to everyone. Why do you think so many musicians die young, Ben? You think you're better than any of those people?"

"YES!" Ben kicked the downed bench, hands clenched into fists. "Yes, I do think I'm better than they are! I just want to perform music I care about. I'm sick of playing the same tired pieces over and over and over while you try your hardest to stifle every creative bone in my body."

Ben strode towards the door, kicking a stray chair on his way to scoop up his bag.

"Oh, that's just great, Ben," Luke called after him. "Run away just because you aren't getting your way. Typical. Way to show how much more mature you are than all the musicians out there."

Ben flipped him off without looking behind him.

* * *

Three Years Ago

Just as he always did, Ben pulled himself together before his recital. He may disagree with Luke, but he had no desire to light himself on fire to spite his uncle. Performing on command was a strength and one he flexed regularly.

After his performance, his mother came and hugged him. It still felt strange, receiving affection from his formerly absentee mother. Once upon a time, he had craved her attention, her hugs, her cuddles, and she had rarely been around to bestow them. Now, after a lifetime of repressing his desire for affection, a hug from his mother felt jarring.

"You played beautifully, Ben." Leia held him at arm's length, a smile on her face.

Ben felt his cheeks warm under her praise, silently berating himself for caring so much what she thought. "Thanks, mom."

His father clapped him on the shoulder. "Great job."

Ben nodded at Han, knowing enough about his father's tendency towards minimalist compliments to know he was impressed.

"Yes, young man, that was quite a beautiful performance."

Ben and his parents looked in surprise to the man who had spoken. Ben leaned back as he took in the elderly gentleman. He noticed his parents exchanging a glance before his mother spoke up.

"Mr. Snoke. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

Ben frowned at his mother's tone, his curiosity piqued by the frostiness.

"You know me, Leia," Snoke said, twisting a ring on his finger. "I enjoy fine artists. You'll recall I knew your father."

Ben whipped his head towards the man. "You knew my grandfather?"

Snoke nodded. "Not well, I'm afraid, but we ran in similar circles."

"Did you play with him–"

Luke, who had just stepped up to their group, cut Ben off. "I don't think we need to stroll down memory lane at the moment, Snoke."

Something sharpened behind Snoke's eyes, an emotion that Ben couldn't place.

"Of course," he said. "I wouldn't want to take away from your dear nephew's talent." Turning to Ben, his lips curved upwards, though the smile failed to reach his eyes. "As I was saying, you play beautifully. There seemed to be something missing, however." His lips curved up further. "Tell me, do you enjoy playing the music of dead composers?"

Ben paused a beat, glancing at his parents and uncle. Something was off and he didn't know what. Turning his gaze back towards Snoke, he answered honestly. "No. I find it pretty boring, actually."

"Ben, I think it's time we leave."

His mother placed a hand on his arm, trying to pull him away.

"Now, now, Leia," Snoke said. "I don't know why you're trying to hide such a talented young man from me."

Snoke pulled a card out of his pocket, handing it to Ben. After glancing at it, Ben looked up, eyebrows rising.

"You're a manager at a talent agency?"

"One of the best, though I do say so myself."

"And you're interested in me?"

Leia tugged on his arm. "Ben, it's time to leave."

He frowned at his mom, surprised to find both his parents and uncle glaring at Snoke. Looking first at Snoke and then back to the card, Ben pulled his arm out of his mother's grasp.

"Thanks, but I think I'll find my own way home."

"Ben–"

"It's fine, mother." Ben didn't try to keep the frustration out of his tone. His parents still treated him like a child, as if they hadn't completely ignored him for the first eighteen years of his life. A talent manager was interested in him and they were glaring at him like he was trying to abduct their son.

"I'll make sure your son arrives home, Leia," Snoke said.

"Absolutely not–"

"Mom!" Ben checked himself as his mother's eyes flashed. He forced his tone to sound even as he continued. "I'm not a child. I can find my own way home. Please leave."

Leia reeled back, hurt flashing across her face at his dismissal. He felt a pang of guilt but pushed it aside. After a moment, she straightened her spine, looking much larger than her five-foot-one-inch stature.

"I expect you to text me the moment you leave, so I know you're safe."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Yes. Fine. Please leave."

Luke leaned down to whisper something in Leia's ear as Han put an arm around her shoulder, frowning at Ben as he led her away.

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose before turning back to Snoke. "I'm sorry about that."

Snoke waved a hand. "It's fine, my boy. Children never grow older in the eyes of their parents."

Luke stepped next to Ben, folding his arms. "What do you want with my nephew, Snoke?"

Snoke turned his eyes on Luke, humor glittering behind them. "I merely wish to have a conversation with him."

Ben sensed Luke had no plan to leave him alone with Snoke. Turning to the man, he said, "What exactly did you have in mind? Why do you want me?"

Snoke held Luke's glare for a moment before turning his eyes back to Ben. "As I said, I knew your grandfather. If you are half as talented as he was, then you can go far…with the right manager of course." He paused, fiddling with the ring on his finger again. "Tell me, what are your plans after you graduate?"

Ben shrugged. "I don't really have any at the moment."

"Do you only play or do you compose as well?"

"I compose." Ben looked over at Luke to gauge his reaction, and as if on cue Luke rolled his eyes.

Snoke smiled. "It would seem your uncle doesn't like your compositions."

Ben snorted. "No."

"Well," Snoke said, "I would love to hear them sometime, to best gauge what sort of direction we should go in."

"He's not signed with you yet," Luke said, narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah, well, if it were up to you, I'd never compose anything," Ben said. Turning to Snoke he said, "I look forward to it."

Nodding, Snoke held out his hand for Ben to shake. "Give me a call when we might speak better in private, then."

Without preamble, he turned away from them. Ben looked down at the card in his hand. Perhaps he had finally found someone who might appreciate his music.

* * *

Today

Ben paced back and forth the length of his dressing room, too restless to sit still. Since the moment they had landed back in New York, he had felt an itchy restlessness. He didn't like to be reminded of everything that had gone wrong in his life. Everything he had done wrong.

"You'll wear a hole through the carpet."

Ben glanced over at Gwen, who was tapping on her tablet, legs outstretched and crossed at the ankle. She smirked without looking away from the tablet.

He rolled his eyes and kept pacing. "I hate this. I hate being here." He fisted his hands and then stretched his fingers. He should be doing his warmups, running scales to loosen the muscles in his fingers. He had played for all of five minutes on the grand piano on stage before he had left, too keyed up to concentrate.

"Solo."

He rolled his eyes and then turned to Gwen, who had put her tablet down. The look of understanding on her face only served to drive a stake through Ben's heart. She knew what had him feeling so restless.

"It's just three days," she said. "And this is New York. The chances of you running into Rey or your parents is practically zero."

Ben nodded, taking a deep breath and holding it. "I know…I know. I just…I don't know how to explain it. Just knowing they're in the city somewhere is messing with me."

Before Gwen could respond the door swung open and Armitage Hux waltzed in. Ben scowled at him.

"Don't you knock?"

"Snoke sent me to make sure you were warming up." He crossed his arms, looking pleased that Ben was nowhere near the piano at the back of the room. "I see I shall have to tell him you're wearing a hole into the floor instead."

Ben stopped and narrowed his eyes. "Slither back to your hole, Hux. You can tell Snoke that I'm already warm."

Hux snorted. "And why would I do that?"

"Because it's the truth." Gwen stood, moving to stand next to Ben, matching Hux's stance with her arms crossed.

The smirk dropped from Hux's face, his eyes flashing. Ben smirked at the clear jealousy written on the man's face.

"Poppet–"

"Don't 'Poppet' me," Gwen said, casually leaning her arm on Ben's shoulder. "You came in here looking for a reason to tell Snoke Ben was disobeying orders. Well, unfortunately for you, you're wrong."

She made a shewing motion. "Scurry along. You're interfering with Ben's pre-show ritual."

Hux's face turned nearly as red as his hair before he spun on his heel and slammed the door behind him.

Gwen snorted, rolling her eyes as she dropped her arm from Ben's shoulder, walked back over to the chair, and resumed sitting with her legs outstretched and crossed at the ankle. "You owe me."

Ben walked over to the upright piano and sat, flexing his fingers before starting scales. "What do you see in that weasel anyway?"

"He's not all bad."

"Well he's certainly not all good either."

"Why don't you just worry about warming up and leave my choice of boyfriend alone."

The corner of Ben's mouth turned up at her dry tone before he tried to focus on emptying his mind of all distractions.

Easier said than done, and eventually Ben gave up the battle, deciding maybe it was better to focus on the cause of his anxiety rather than ignoring it. He knew there was no way that his family didn't know he was in New York, but he couldn't help wondering if Rey knew as well. His fingers fumbled as he thought of the possibility that she could have purchased a ticket, that she could be in the audience.

But no, why would she be? She had made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with him, leaving without so much as a goodbye or way to contact her. The familiar pang ran through his heart, squeezing his chest like a rubber band. He had long ago stopped berating himself as a weak-minded fool for constantly letting Rey's rejection get to him. It did him no good to try not to feel the pain, because it was always there. Instead, he embraced it, faced it head on in an attempt to free up his mind for more important things, like remembering the right notes for the right song.

He dropped his hands mid-scale, using his middle finger and thumb to rub the tension from his temples. He swung around and stood up, walking over to his phone, grabbing it and falling onto the couch. He unlocked the phone, opening the photos app. He stared unseeing for a moment, tapping his finger against the side of the phone. This was either a good idea or a spectacularly bad idea.

"Do you really think that'll help?"

Ben jumped at Gwen's soft question, his eyes darting to her. She was looking at him with her mouth pressed into a firm line, eyebrows raised.

Ben shook his head. "No. I don't think it'll help. But at the moment, I don't really care."

Gwen exhaled, before standing up. "Well, while you mope with your pictures, I'm going to the loo."

Ben nodded, her words barely registering as he opened the folder named "Her."

* * *

Today

Gwen shook her head as she walked down the busy hallway to the bathroom. Ben was his own worst enemy. She'd never seen anyone so hung up on an ex before. If it hadn't been so worrisome, she might have found it endearing.

Despite his tendency to shout when he was stressed, Gwen had enjoyed working for Ben. Regardless of the fact that it was unprofessional, they had struck up a friendship. If she were being honest with herself, he was probably the closest friend she had…outside of Armitage, of course. But obviously the relationship she had with her boyfriend was different than the one she had with Ben.

She often found herself angry at this girl called Rey who had broken Ben's heart. She sometimes wondered what he was like before he became a workaholic with no social life. Fans were always throwing themselves at him, and yet he always rebuffed them. It was odd behavior for a musician, especially one as famous as Ben.

She pushed the door to the bathroom only to find it wouldn't budge. Frowning she stepped back, only then seeing the sign taped to the door telling everyone the bathroom was out of order. She rubbed her forehead. She hated having to deal with the lines out in the front part of the hall. They were always ridiculous. Still, she didn't want to wait until who knew when to pee.

Making her way out to the front, she skirted around various workers, scurrying around at the last moment to make sure everything was as it needed to be for Ben's performance. She opened the door at the end of the hallway, her ears suddenly assaulted with the sound of several thousand people milling about. Sighing, she exited, trying to shove her way past the audience members to get to the restroom at the back.

She saw the line coming out of the bathroom door and scanned it, trying to ascertain where the end was.

She froze, her eyes widening and mouth popping open as she saw who was near the end of the line.

She had been wrong.

Rey had come.

* * *

**A/N:** Nanowrimo has been good to me. I actually already have the next chapter and part of the following completed. My plan is to update regularly by having this cache of chapters. For now, I'll be posting every Sunday (or Monday if you're in the Australia/Asia side of the world) unless I just get too impatient. XD I'm as anxious as you are for you to get to read Rey and Ben's reunion. ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 **

Today

Gwen stood rooted to the spot, a million thoughts running through her mind. Ben was going to flip. He was going to have a complete meltdown when he learned Rey was there. Did she even want to tell him? No. Yes. Yes, of course. She had to tell him. He couldn't not know.

She was jolted out of her musings when Rey noticed her staring, her eyes widening as well. Gwen turned quickly, forgetting she had to pee, and hurried back to the backstage area. She strode towards Ben's dressing room, only pausing once her hand was on the handle.

What was she thinking? She couldn't tell him right before his performance. It would completely unravel him to know that Rey was in the audience.

Her hand slid off the doorknob.

She would tell him.

Just not yet.

When his performance was over, she would let him know.

* * *

Today

Rey fidgeted in her seat, subconsciously ripping her program into tiny pieces. They were so close. They couldn't be more than fifteen rows away from the stage. It was certainly close enough that Rey would easily be able to see Ben. She only hoped that the bright lights of the stage would prevent him from spotting her.

"Are you alright?"

Rey jumped, only then realizing she had been staring at the grand piano on stage without blinking. She released her program, brushing bits of paper off her dress. Reminding herself that she needed to act normally, turned to Finn and pasted on a smile. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

Finn frowned. "I don't know, but you're tearing your program apart and not blinking."

Deciding on a vague truth, Rey said, "I'm just nervous. I can't believe I'm going to be this close to Kylo Ren. I mean he can practically shake my hand without leaving the stage."

Finn still didn't look entirely convinced, but some suspicion left his eyes as he smiled at her. "Yeah, it's pretty cool. I mean, the seats cost a small fortune–"

Finn cut off as Rose elbowed him in the side. "You can't tell her how much they are," she whisper-yelled.

Rey frowned. "Why not?" Her mouth dropped as she realized how expensive the seats were. She had spent a significant amount of time staring at tickets, so she knew how much these premium seats were. "Rose! You guys did not spend this much money on this!"

Rose glared at Finn. "We wanted to make this special. Plus, and I cannot stress this enough, I really wanted to be as close to Kylo Ren as I could get."

"Hey!" Finn looked at Rose in a combination of real and feigned hurt. "Your boyfriend is right here."

Rose patted his cheek as Poe, on Rose's other side, guffawed. "It's not your fault you're not a world-famous hottie."

Rey crossed her arms, glaring at her friends. "I'm paying you back."

Poe, Finn, and Rose all answered in unison. "No, you won't."

Before Rey could respond, the lights flickered, alerting the audience that the show was about to start. Rey forgot all about the tickets as her nerves at seeing Ben again came rushing back. She started shredding her program again, needing to expel her nervous energy.

She felt like there was a band around her chest, squeezing tighter as the lights dimmed once more, this time to stay. A roar of applause met her ears as Ben walked out on the stage.

* * *

Three Years Ago

Ben walked out of class, slinging his backpack over his shoulder, when he heard his name. Looking up, he was surprised to find Snoke standing in a long trench coat, leaning on a cane.

"Mr. Snoke?"

Snoke waved a hand. "Please, Snoke is fine. No need to add the mister."

Ben took hesitant steps over to him, wondering why the man would seek him out. He had yet to call the number on the card. He had started to on several different occasions, but ended up tucking the card back in his wallet every time. He stopped in front of the aging man.

"How can I help you?"

Snoke tilted his cane to indicate they walk down the hall. "I hadn't received a call from you and wondered if perhaps you'd lost my card."

Ben averted his gaze, the tips of his ears heating as he scratched the back of his neck. "I uh…hadn't really gotten up the nerve to call."

There was a beat of silence before Snoke asked, "Tell me. What is it you plan to do once you graduate from this fine establishment?"

Ben coughed, taken aback by the question. Snoke had just pinpointed the exact thing Ben had been pushing to the back of his mind for years. "I don't really know."

Snoke stopped, pointing his cane towards the doorway of an empty practice room. Ben wandered in, stopping before the piano.

"Now is the time to start thinking about these things. It won't be too long before you're no longer a student. You don't want to be caught stuck working at a grocery store with talent like yours."

Ben frowned. "Why are you so interested in me?"

Snoke took a seat on top of a chair at the back by the door. "I know a rare talent when I hear it. You can go far if you have the right ambition…and the right manager of course. Play something for me."

Ben blinked, thrown off by the praise. He knew he was good, but calling his talent rare was stretching the truth a bit. Shaking himself when he realized he was staring, he turned and sat at the bench, placing his hands. There was one piece he had been working on. His hands hovered over the keys as he wondered if he dared play it. Taking a deep breath, he decided he might as well show the man exactly what sort of talent he had.

The moment his fingers hit the first keys, he lost himself to the music. His brain went to that special place reserved for music, when he was both aware and unaware of what his hands were doing, when his fingers felt as if they had a mind of their own and he was merely the conduit of the music. He enjoyed composing and playing his own music, music he could pour his emotions into, that he didn't feel like a fraud playing. What good was it to be a musical prodigy if you only ever played the music of other composers?

When he finished, he was startled by the loud clapping behind him.

"Excellent." Snoke stood and walked over to Ben, placing a hand on his shoulder. "As I said, I know a rare talent when I meet one."

Ben's ears burned once again under the praise and he cleared his throat. "Thank you."

"How come you don't play these pieces at your performances? I would think that would be a good chance to show the world what you can do."

Ben sighed. "My family doesn't approve."

Snoke cocked his head. "Doesn't approve of what? What a fine composer you are?"

Ben snorted. "They don't approve of jazz or blues. They think I'm going to end up a drug addict or with bastards littering the country if I go into that lifestyle."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"I hate it." Ben didn't even attempt to moderate the bitterness in his tone.

Snoke nodded. "Yes. It's quite a waste to clip your wings when you could be changing the landscape of modern music." He glanced at his watch. "Ah. I'm afraid I have another engagement to be getting to." Walking towards the door he said over his shoulder, "I think you can go far, Ben, with the right manager. Call me. I'd like to help you."

Ben stared after him as he walked out the door, hardly believing his good luck that Snoke was interested in helping him.

* * *

Three Years Ago

Ben flexed his hands. He and Rey were walking side by side towards Juilliard. It had been his idea to show her around the school, so they had taken their drinks to go rather than stay in Lando's establishment. The crowd was thick and they kept bumping shoulders as people rushed by them.

Normally Ben power-walked everywhere. He had long legs and didn't care to look around. The only things that changed were the seasons. With Rey, however, he had the urge to walk slowly, to savor the beauty of the sun glinting off the buildings. But because they were walking so slowly – slowly for New Yorkers at least – people kept bumping him into Rey as they passed by. Ben felt his fingers brush against Rey's and had to suppress a shiver as a spark flew up his arm. He chewed his lip, debating whether or not to grab her hand. Before he could come to a decision, Rey laced her fingers between his. He looked down, his mouth parting as Rey gave him a shy smile and shrugged. He smiled back, raising their hands to kiss her knuckles. She ducked her head, her smile widening, and started walking again, tugging him behind her.

Ben honestly couldn't remember the last time he had felt this happy. It was almost frightening how quickly he had become emotionally invested in this homeless girl with an unreal amount of musical talent. When they arrived at the building, he led her through the hallways to one of the practice rooms.

She dropped his hand to walk over and run her hands over the instrument.

"It's so beautiful," she said, her voice low as she dragged her fingers across the keys. She looked up. "Will you play one of your compositions for me?"

Nervous flutters broke out at the thought of playing his music for her, but he nodded, figuring it was only fair since he had heard her play on several different occasions. It was strange to feel nervous. He rarely got nerves before a performance, though admittedly, he also never played his own compositions.

He sat at the piano, placing his hand on the keys. He paused, the silence seeming to fill the room as he closed his eyes and pressed the keys. He played his favorite composition, a bluesy rendition of Chopin. He had happened upon it almost by accident. He was screwing around one afternoon in the middle of practicing and ended up liking what came out. It had taken him another day to decide to write it down, that maybe he had something, something to set him apart from other musicians. Chopin was his favorite composer, but the music was still someone else's music. He felt like he was pouring a bit of himself into the piece each time he played it, trilling out the notes, blending sounds together in the strange rhythm you found in jazz and blues – as if he was missing the beat, but every single time and on purpose. He loved how, even though it did have its own set of rules, jazz and blues felt like you were playing however you liked.

When he finished, he opened his eyes, immediately finding Rey staring at him in awe, her lips parted and a strong emotion in her eyes. He felt his cheeks heat as warmth spread through his chest.

"Did you like it?"

Rey shook her head, snapping her mouth shut. "Like it? No."

Ben felt like he'd be splashed with ice cold water, his pride crashing down around him.

"No," Rey said again, staring at him like he had three heads. "I didn't like it. I absolutely loved it."

A smile broke out on his face as relief flooded him. He had never smiled as much as he had since meeting Rey. "Really?"

"Maker. Ben. That was – I don't even know how to describe it. I can't believe you think I'm talented when you can play like that."

Ben felt as if his chest were expanding, as if he were growing taller under her praise. She turned her eyes to his hands resting on the keys. "I can't imagine what it's like to play like that. It's just." She returned her gaze to him, shaking her head again. "It's absolutely magical."

"I can teach you if you want." Ben had blurted out the words without consciously deciding to, but now that he'd said them, he was excited by the idea of teaching Rey.

Rey blinked at him. "What?"

He shrugged, trying to play it cool. "I mean, no pressure, but if you love it, I can teach you. You're already a natural with music. You'll probably pick it up pretty quick."

Rey bit her lip, a wrinkle between her brow as she moved her gaze back to the instrument. He could see the warring emotions on her face and wondered what internal battle she was running through in her head.

After a moment, she looked back at him, a broad smile on her face. "Yeah. I'd like that."

Ben scooted over and gestured for her to sit. "Then let's get started."

Her eyes lit up, and Ben determined to spend as much of his time and energy as he could on making her happy. She was most beautiful when she was smiling. She sat next to him, biting her lip as she considered the keys.

He slid his hand over her wrist, pulling her hand up, and gently placing it on the keys. She exhaled as if she had been holding her breath, her fingers brushing across the keys.

Biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling, he cleared his throat.

"Lesson one."

* * *

Today

Ben closed his eyes as the lights dimmed, taking a deep breath and holding it. He exhaled slowly as he opened his eyes, straightening his spine and walking out onto the stage. The lights were as bright but he could still make out the vague features of audience members closest to the stage.

Walking to the front center of the stage, he stopped, bowing at the waist, hands at his side. As he was coming up, his eyes roved over the faces of those nearest to the stage. He froze, eyes widening.

Rey was here. She was sitting no more than fifteen rows away and mirroring his wide eyes.

Time slowed down. Noise ceased as Ben stared, his heart hammering. Why was she here? Why had she come? He couldn't focus on anything but Rey. She looked the same, but also different. Her hair was longer. He was used to her smile, having stared at his pictures of her for probably hundreds of hours of the past several years.

Someone coughed in the audience, snapping Ben out of his shock. Tearing his eyes away, he straightened. He had a performance. How was he meant to perform with Rey sitting in the audience? The same questions circled around his mind as he forced himself to turn towards the piano.

Snoke was glaring at him from the wings reminding him that he couldn't afford to lose focus. He had to concentrate on the moment. Except he usually played best when he didn't focus too hard. If he paid too close attention to the piece, he tended to make mistakes. But how was he meant to let his mind wander with Rey sitting thirty feet away? All he would think about is her.

Taking another deep breath, he placed his hands on the keys. He wanted to play well for Rey. He knew it was stupid, that it was idiotic for him to care at all about her opinion since she had left him without so much as a word or way to contact her, but he did care. His fame had felt hollow for years now, and each passing day had made it harder and harder for him to enjoy his fame. He was exhausted. And yet, suddenly this performance had meaning. He wasn't playing for a faceless crowd anymore. Rey was there. He was playing for Rey.

He exhaled slowly and began. Without his consent, his thoughts wandered to the time he had spent with Rey. She had been the sole source of light in his life at a time when he had felt boxed in, unheard, a bird with his wings clipped. She had reminded him what he loved about being a musician, that it didn't matter that he came from a family legacy, but that he truly enjoyed playing. He had enjoyed playing for her, to see the awe in her eyes as she watched him play. He thought of the lessons he had given her, how quickly she had learned, and how happy it had made him to watch her enthusiasm.

Throughout his performance, he felt her eyes on him. Usually he was able to pretend that he was alone in the room. Not this time. This time Rey was there and he was playing solely for her. She was the only person in the room who mattered. He didn't even care if it made him pathetic. She had left him, but right now he had no pride. He just wanted to impress the woman who had stolen his heart and never returned it.

By the time the last song came, Ben was awash with emotions he had kept buried for years. He had always focused on his pain, his rejection, and had forgotten over the years how much Rey had inspired him. His last song was the one he had first played for her, the song which had put him on the charts when his first album dropped. He recalled playing it for her that day, recalled his nerves, wondering if she would even like it.

As the last notes faded away, Ben was startled out of his head by the roaring applause. People stood, whistling and shouting their praise. The noise had been grating when he was in Paris – had become increasingly grating with every performance – but somehow now it wasn't. He went to the front of the stage once more and bowed, his eyes immediately locking on Rey. She was on her feet as well, clapping with the rest of the audience, though there wasn't a smile on her face.

He straightened and strode off the stage. He knew it was expected that he perform an encore, but the last shreds of his concentration faded away. There was no way that he could perform now. He had only one thing on his mind, playing on a loop.

_I have to see Rey._

* * *

**A/N:** The song that Ben plays, on which I base his style of composing, is Chopinesque by Jon Batiste. As a lover of blues and Chopin, I nearly lost my mind the first time I heard it. To listen, go to youtube dot com and search for Chopinesque.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Three Years Ago

"You're amazing. You know that, right?"

Ben said the words without thinking, but the look on Rey's face as her cheeked reddened was worth the slip. He meant what he said. Rey was absolutely amazing. They had only had a few lessons and already she was a better player than most people who'd been playing for a few _years_. He had never met someone with such an amazing natural talent. She had learned to read music so fast, it had been like she absorbed the information via osmosis.

Rey looked up at him through her lashes. "I just have a great teacher."

Warmth bloomed in his chest at her praise and he struggled to keep a goofy grin off his face. "No. You're just an amazingly talented student."

Rey bit her lip, her eyes sparkling. She ducked her head, placing her fingers back on the keys. Without his prompting, she started tapping out a song. His eyes widened when he heard his own composition being played back at him.

He had only played it for her the one time. She played it perfectly. She was playing slower than he did, but every note was perfect. She didn't make a single mistake, didn't forget a single note. This woman defied logic. How could someone hear a song once and then play it without music? This was more than "playing by ear." This was talent beyond anything he'd ever seen. She was certainly more talented than he was. If it had been anyone else, he might have been annoyed by that revelation.

It was almost frightening how quickly Ben had latched on to her. His emotions were one hundred percent wrapped up in Rey. They had known each other a few weeks, and yet, he had confided more of his thoughts and feelings to her than he had to anyone, ever. He tried not to think of what would happen if she tired of him. It would destroy him; he knew that for certain.

When she finished the last note, she looked up, biting her lower lip.

"How did you learn that?" he asked, his shock making him forget he should compliment her first.

Rey lifted a shoulder, her cheeks pink as she tapped her fingers on her leg. "I don't really know. I mean, I've been playing it on a loop in my head since you played it for me, but I just…knew which notes were which. I can't really explain it."

"You're amazing," he said again.

Rey laughed. "I'm a semi-homeless girl who's had a couple lessons."

"Exactly." Ben sat next to her on the bench, turning towards her. "I don't think you understand what sort of natural talent you have." Rey rolled her lips between her teeth, looking uncomfortable. He didn't care. She had more natural talent than most people have in their pinkie. "I've never seen or heard of someone picking up music so quickly. You were composing on the guitar before you even knew how to read music. It's incredible."

His eyes caught on a stray curl of hair at her temple. He reached out and tucked it behind her ear, his fingers tracing the shell of her ear. Her breath hitched, and his gaze snapped to hers. Only then did he realize how close they were sitting. His face was mere inches from hers. He could feel her breath brushing across his face. His heart hammered as she looked at his lips, licking her own. He slid his hand from her ear, across her jaw, until he was cupping her face. He leaned close, searching her for some sign that he should stop, that he had read the signals wrong. Rey dropped her eyes to his lips, and his heartrate doubled.

When he finally pressed his lips to hers, he felt tension between his shoulders release. Her eyes fluttered shut a moment before he closed his. He shuddered when she ran her hands through his hair before scratching her nails at the back of his neck. He scooted closer, bringing his other hand to cup her cheek as well.

Time seemed to stop. He became deaf and blind to everything around them. There was nothing but Rey and her lips. He felt like he could kiss her forever. He never wanted to stop. He pulled back only to tilt his head for a better angle. Rey dropped her hands from his hair, running her hands down his back to grasp the sides of his shirt. His heart stopped when Rey pulled at his shirt, climbing into his lap. He slid his hands from her face around to her back and pulled her close.

After some time – it could have been a minute, it could have been an hour – they were both startled when the door opened. Rey pulled away with a gasp, hurriedly standing.

Ben glared at the intruder, who was apologizing profusely, explaining that they had had the room reserved and didn't realize anyone would be in there. Rey, meanwhile, had hurried over to grab her guitar, excusing herself as she ran out the door.

Ben cursed and shot off the bench to hurry after her, stopping only briefly to grab his bag.

"Rey!"

She hadn't gotten very far, and his long legs made it easy for him to catch her. She stopped at his call. He jogged up to her, feeling as if he had swallowed a stone at the fact that she had ran away so quickly. He came around to the front of her only to see her eyes closed as she bit her lip.

He cursed again. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. It was too soon, right?" He clamped his mouth shut to keep himself from babbling.

He wanted to put his hands on her shoulders, but wasn't sure she would let him. Instead he shuffled on his feet, flexing his hand to keep himself from touching her. Eventually she exhaled and opened her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said. Ben shook his head but before he could speak, she continued. "I don't know why I ran. I was just…" she glanced around, as if searching for the right word. "I've never had a kiss that amazing."

Ben's lips parted as shock pulsed through him. "You–what?"

Rey pulled the corner of her mouth with her teeth, looking everywhere but directly at him, while he tried to process what she had said. It had certainly been the best kiss of his life, but hearing his own feelings spoken back to him was surreal.

He shook his head. "Sorry. Maker." He ran his fingers through his hair as he huffed a laugh. She finally looked at him, and he was nearly dazzled into stupidity again at the happiness in her expression. "I just can't believe you thought it was amazing too."

They stood awkwardly, Ben grasping the straps of his backpack as Rey kicked her shoe at nothing. He didn't know what to say. His brain was entirely fried from that amazing kiss and the fact that Rey felt the same. His knuckles whitened as he gripped the straps of his bag, unable think about anything other than the strong urge to pick their kiss back up where they had left off.

Out of nowhere, Rey stood on her tip toes and wound her arms around his neck, crashing her lips into his. Ben recovered from his shock in record time, dropping his hands from his bag straps and winding them around her waist, pulling her close. Without consciously deciding to do so, he walked her backwards until her back hit the wall of the hallway. People wandered by, some whistling, others shouting at them to get a room, but Ben hardly noticed it. His focus was entirely on Rey.

At some point, he dropped his arms long enough to drop his backpack from his shoulders without breaking the kiss. Rey dropped her hands once more to his sides, grasping his shirt, pulling him closer. He needed little invitation to get closer to her. The only thing holding him back was the desire not to come on too strong too fast. So instead he satisfied himself but running his hands under her shirt at her waist, so that he could feel the skin of her sides, brush his thumbs near her belly button.

Eventually, Rey pulled away, Ben chasing her mouth as she dropped from her toes onto her feet. They were both breathing heavily, not having gotten much air in however long it was they had been kissing. Ben stared at her, at a loss for words after such a spectacular kiss – well, kisses really.

"That was intense." Rey's voice was soft as her gaze rested on his lips again. Her lips were red and swollen. His chest swelled with pride that he had been the one to do that.

He nodded back. "It was."

She released his shirt, winding around his back and pulling him into a hug as she rested her head against his chest. He paused a moment, thrown off by the casual intimacy, before winding his arms around her and resting his chin on her head. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest, was happy that it pounded as fast as his.

Rey pulled back first, once again. Ben tightened his arms instinctively, but when Rey laughed and pushed against his chest, he came back to himself and released her. She looked up at him as he took a step back, needing some space if he was to continue not touching her.

"I have to get going. Those tips won't make themselves."

Ben struggled to keep the disappointment out of his voice as he said, "Yeah. You should get going."

He stepped back further, to allow her to pass. She picked up her guitar and turned to leave. He was just opening his mouth to say goodbye when Rey hopped up on her toes to kiss his cheek.

"Thanks for the lesson."

He grinned at her when she winked.

As she walked away, he wondered how he had gotten so lucky to find a woman as amazing as Rey.

* * *

Today

Ben practically sprinted once he was off the stage, intent on heading out the door into the lobby to intercept Rey. He had dreaded being in the same city with her again, but now that he had seen her, he knew he had to see her. She was right there. He couldn't let her go again.

"Ben."

Gwen stepped in front of him, putting her arms out to keep him from crashing into her.

"I have to go," he said, glancing at her before trying to step around her. She sidestepped in front of him again.

"Ben, you can't go out there."

He ignored her, stepping to the other side. Once more she blocked him. He huffed, baring his teeth at her. "Get out of the way, Gwen. I need to go out there."

"You need to see Rey."

Ben snapped his mouth shut. "You know she's here?"

"Yes." She kept her hands up, watching him closely, as if she expected him to try to dart around her again. "I saw her when I went to the loo before the performance started."

"And you didn't tell me?" He didn't try to moderate the accusation in his tone.

"No. I didn't. I didn't want it to distract you."

"So what?" he said, his voice rising. "You were just going to let her go? Never tell me?"

"Calm down," she said, her sharp tone cutting through his anger. She had never talked to him like that. "I was going to tell you when the performance was done."

Ben stared at her for a moment before shaking his head and trying to step around her again. "I don't have time for this. I have to get her before she leaves."

Gwen sidestepped in front of him again. "You cannot go out there."

He practically growled when he responded. "Yes, I can. Get out of my way, Gwen."

"You're a celebrity. You can't go out there. You'll be mobbed."

He opened his mouth to yell at her but she spoke again before he could. "I'll go get her. You go back to your dressing room."

He opened his mouth to argue, but she shoved him away. "I'll get her. Don't worry. Just go."

He stabbed his fingers through his hair as he strode towards his dressing room. Once there he immediately pulled off his jacket, tossing it onto the couch, and pulled off his bowtie, unbuttoning the first couple buttons of his shirt. He continued pacing the length of the room, too restless to even consider sitting.

What if Gwen couldn't find her? What if she casually waltzed back out of his life like she had done before?

His stomach clenched at the thought, bile rising in his mouth. No. That was unacceptable. Gwen would catch her.

She had to catch her.

* * *

Today

Rey's heart had stopped when Ben caught her eye. She had momentarily forgotten where she was, had not even noticed her friends or other audience members glancing at her as he had frozen. The surprise and panic in his eyes had mirrored her own.

Her heart had started beating again when he had straightened, racing at the speed of light. She had hardly blinked as he sat and started playing, not even noticing the how tightly she was clenching the fabric of her dress.

His music was even more amazing in person. It reminded her of the first time she had heard him play, the same sense of awe falling over her. He really was a genius composer. But there was something different about this performance. Rey had watched many youtube videos of his performances, had all of his albums, but he had never played this way before. Critics had time and again commented that there was a lack of emotion when he played, as if he were holding back his emotions. The songs were technically amazing, but lacked a certain personality that came with putting yourself into the music.

Not now. Now, she felt almost as if he were playing solely for her, which was ridiculous, of course. But that was how it felt. She had never heard such emotion, not since before he had left. When he played the last notes of the last song – the one he had played for her the day she asked to hear his compositions – she rose on her feet immediately, clapping. She couldn't find it in herself to cheer, her emotions leaving her feeling raw, exposed. She didn't know what she had expected out of seeing him play in concert, but once he got over his initial shock, he had not seemed affected at all by her presence.

Her friends chattered as they began the slow process of walking up the aisle and out the front doors. If they noticed how quiet Rey was, they didn't mention it. Rey used the moment to try to box up her emotions and place them out of the way as she had been doing for the past three years.

Melancholy fell over her as she realized she wouldn't be seeing Ben again, that she would once more have to go about her life as if she wasn't carrying around a hole in her heart.

She jumped when a hand landed on her shoulder. Finn chuckled as he came to walk next to her.

"Still caught up in the trance of the amazing Kylo Ren?"

Rey blinked at him, trying to figure out what he was talking about. "What?"

Finn gave her a knowing look. "You've got it bad. I tried to ask you a question halfway through the show and you didn't even hear me."

Rey frowned. "You did?" She felt her cheeks warming. If only Finn knew how accurate his statement was. "Oh. Sorry."

Rose walked up to her other side, linking her arm through Rey's. "Hey, we all knew you were crazy about the guy. We just didn't realize how much of a fangirl you really are."

"Just don't go become one those weirdos who stalks him, and you're good," Finn said.

"Kinda feeling like a third wheel here guys."

They all three looked behind them at Poe, who was giving them a look of pretend annoyance.

Finn stepped back. "Technically you're a fourth wheel. Which would be great if Rey, Rose, and I weren't a tricycle."

Rey laughed with the rest of them, thankful to have moved on from the topic of her obsession with Kylo Ren. They were nearly out the front door to the street when Rey heard her name. Turning around, her eyes widened when she saw none other than Gwendoline Phasma skirting past people to get to her.

She stopped in her tracks, her friends halting as well.

"Rey, what–"

"Oh Maker. That is one beautiful amazon of a woman."

"Do you know her?"

Her friends' questions didn't even register as she stared dumbfounded at the tall, blonde woman making her way over to them. She had to tilt her head as Gwen drew near, standing closer than she might otherwise have done had they not been standing in the middle of a crowd of people.

"Rey," Gwen said, glancing at Rey's friends. "My name is Gwen. Kylo Ren would like to see you."

Shock pulsed through her, making her feel like she was in the middle of a dream. "H-he wants to see me?"

Finn cursed, Rose hitting him on the shoulder as Poe inched his way to stand next to the tall blonde woman that Ben was dating.

"I–I don't know," Rey was having difficulty forming a coherent thought, her mind moving in a million different directions at once.

"What?" Rose grabbed Rey's shoulder, turning her around and then grasping both her shoulders. "Rey. You have to do this. It's _Kylo Ren_." She turned Rey around before she could respond, pushing her towards Gwen. "She'll go."

Rey stared down at her shoes as her face heated. After a beat, Gwen simply said "Excellent. If you'll follow me please."

Rey nodded and followed behind Gwen as she strode towards a door to the side. Her heart started racing once more. She didn't know what she was going to say. Why did Ben want to see her? And how would she react? Just catching his eye had nearly sent her into cardiac arrest. She wiped her hands on the skirt of her dress, trying not to appear too visibly shaken, despite the fact she was near an anxiety attack over seeing Ben.

They walked down a long hallway, and Rey had to skip to keep up with Gwen's long legs. The closer they got to Ben's dressing room, the stronger Rey's sense of panic. She tried to box away her emotions, but her mind was in too much disarray to do it.

Gwen stopped abruptly, and Rey nearly ran into her. She knocked twice on the door and then opened it, standing aside and gesturing for Rey to enter.

Rey swallowed, her throat feeling like sandpaper and her mouth like it was filled with cotton. She wiped her hands on her dress again, clenching ahold of her skirt. She took a deep breath to try to calm herself, forcing herself to straighten her spine and lift her head. Letting go of her skirt, she stepped into the room.

* * *

**A/N: **Because I'm not actually this mean, and I already have the chapter written, I'll be publishing the next chapter either tomorrow or Tuesday. I'm just as anxious as you are for you guys to read about the reunion. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Whoa! I am so sorry. I just realized I forgot to post chapter 8 here! I posted it on AO3 (where you can find me under the same name btw) and completely forgot to post here. I came to post chapt 9 and went "wait...where is the chapter 8 document?!" So anyway, I shall bless you with two chapters in 1 day instead.

* * *

**Chapter 8 **

Today

Ben paced, running his fingers through his hair. What was he going to say to her? He knew he ought to be angry, ought to be furious, for the way she had dropped him with no warning and no way to contact her. But he wanted to see her – had to see her – so he told his pride to shove it. Looking through his photos had only intensified the ache in his heart, as it always did. He had loved her – he still loved her if he were being honest – and had thought she returned his love. Finding out he had so grossly miscalculated her feelings for him had nearly crushed his heart. It had been a physical pain every time he thought of her for the past three years. If nothing else, he needed to know why she had left.

He stopped, cursing as his heart sped up, dragging a hand down his face. She was going to be right in front of his face. He was going to be talking to her.

He started at the sharp rap at his door. He froze, not even breathing, as the door opened and Rey walked in, her chin held high and her back straight. He recalled her doing that when she was scared or uncomfortable, and he didn't know whether to laugh or rage that she was so clearly nervous to be in front of him again.

They stared, the silence stretching like a physical distance between them.

He took her in, his gaze traveling over her, soaking in every detail. She looked like she had put on weight. Good. She had been so thin, living on tips and definitely not eating enough. As he had noted before, her hair was longer, past her shoulders. But there was something missing. She looked older, like more than three years had passed. Not from gray hairs or wrinkles, but there was something in her eyes…His lips parted as he realized the sunny disposition was missing. Rey had always been a light in the dark, with her light-hearted jokes and easy smile. Now she was looking at him with a grim set to her mouth and a swirl of emotions in her eyes that he couldn't decipher.

His eyes flicked to the door, surprised to find it closed. Dropping his gaze, he cleared his throat.

"Thank you for agreeing to see me." He gestured towards the couch. Rey stared at him for a beat before rushing over to the couch and sitting ramrod straight, her hands gripping the skirt of her dress.

He grabbed the chair Gwen had been sitting on and pulled it next to the couch. Rey watched him, her face red, casting her eyes down when he looked back at her. His brows knit together as he wondered what had her so embarrassed. Perhaps simply that she had been caught coming to his concert.

Though he called himself an idiot for wishing it, he desperately wanted to sit next to her, to pull her into his arms. Instead he balled his hands into fists and sat on the chair.

Rey unclenched her hands, taking a deep breath. "The show was amazing." She said this while looking at his chest. She was acting very strangely.

"Thank you." The words came out terser than he had intended, and he winced internally, trying to relax his hands and shoulders. Forcing himself to soften his tone, he continued. "I'm surprised you came."

Her gaze flicked up to his. "My friends purchased the tickets. I–they think I'm a fangirl."

Ben blinked at her, her words both catching him off guard and easing the ache in his chest. "Why do they think you're a fangirl?"

He watched her closely as she bit her lip, her face now a very interesting shade of red as she mumbled, so quietly Ben could hardly hear her, "I um…I may have all your albums and um…watch youtube videos of your performances."

His mouth fell open. He blinked at her. Whatever he had expected her to say, it definitely hadn't been that. She had been following him? Had purchased his albums? She had been keeping up with everything to the point that her friends had purchased her tickets to his show?

The information ballooned into satisfaction, leaving him trying to smother the urge to puff out his chest.

"Are you a fangirl?" The soft question was out before he even realized he was speaking. He winced internally again.

Rey looked away, clearing her throat again as he watched her closely, his heart pounding once more.

"I think I'm beyond that."

He shook his head. "What do you mean?"

Rey exhaled sharply and turned her gaze back to him. He got the feeling she was forcing herself to look at him.

"I don't think ex-girlfriends count as fangirls. I'm probably better described as a stalker than a fangirl."

Seeming to realize what she said, she closed her eyes, dropping her head into her hands and groaning. Ben bit his lip against the smile that threatened to break through. He knew he should be alarmed at the thought of her stalking his movement on the internet, but all he could feel was pure happiness, something he hadn't felt in a very long time.

Still, it seemed strange that she would stalk him when she had been the one to disappear.

He opened his mouth to ask her why she had left when the door opened abruptly. They both turned to the door.

"Well," said Snoke as he waltzed in. "That was quite the performance. The best you've had in a long while–" He broke off when he noticed Rey sitting on the couch.

Ben struggled not to glare at the man as he clasped his hands in front of him and smirked at Rey.

"It would seem I've interrupted a reunion."

Rey stared at him, unblinking and wide-eyed. Ben frowned when he noticed the white knuckled grip she had on her dress. He turned back to Snoke only to find the man already eyeing him, a dangerous glint in his eye.

Abruptly, Rey stood, avoiding Ben's gaze again, when she spoke in a rush. "I have to get going. My friends and I had – have – plans and I don't want to miss them." She glanced at Ben, opening her mouth to say something and then snapping it shut, nodding, and hurrying out of the room before Ben could process what was happening.

When it finally caught up with him that Rey was walking out of his life again, he gritted his teeth. No. He couldn't – wouldn't – let her get away with leaving him again. He didn't give a shit about his pride.

He stood, walking to the door in three long strides. As he walked by Snoke, the man grabbed his arm.

"Leave her." His voice was stern. "You have more important things to do, and you can't let yourself lose focus. Don't forget how much your music suffered the last time you were together."

Ben wrenched his arm out of the man's grip. "I don't care. I just had the best performance of my life, and it was because I saw her there, and I am _not_ going to let her get away again."

Without waiting to hear Snoke's response, he hurried out the door, glancing left and right. How the hell did you get out of this place? He heard a door open and snapped his head in the direction of the noise, spotting Rey hurrying out of it. He ran down the hallway, eager to catch her. He shoved the door open, not caring when it banged against the wall as he hurried out.

"Rey!" He called her name just as she ran through the door to the street. He heard murmurs from the fans that had stuck around to purchase memorabilia, but ignored them, running to the door and pulling it open.

"Rey!"

She hadn't gotten very far down the sidewalk and stopped at her name. She didn't look at him as he jogged up to her, sliding into her line of sight.

Breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath, he said, "Come to tomorrow's performance."

* * *

Three Years Ago

Ben walked into the top floor penthouse, eyes bugging out when he saw the wall of windows with a view of the city.

"Yes," Snoke said, ushering Ben into the living room. "I enjoy the view myself, as well." Pointing to a chair he said, "Please sit."

Ben sat in the leather chair, uneasiness keeping him tense. He didn't really know what he was doing here. Snoke – and his interest in Ben – made him uneasy, and he wasn't sure why. But the man was a music manager, and he was interested in Ben, so he shoved his feelings away. He was probably just being stupid anyway. What could possibly happen that Ben couldn't prevent? He was tall and lean, and Snoke was old and frail.

"Would you care for a drink? Scotch? Brandy?"

Ben blinked. "Uh. A water is fine, thanks."

Snoke shrugged, pulling open the door to a mini fridge underneath the bar and pulling out a bottle of water. Handing it to Ben, he sat in the chair opposite him.

"Tell me why you're here?"

Ben took a deep breath, looking around the room. "I'm not even sure."

Snoke took a drink of his brandy, crossing his legs. "I don't think that's true." Ben frowned. "You're here because you seek fame and fortune, and you know I can give it to you."

Ben could feel his ears growing hot. "No – that's – I mean, I'm just interested in what you think I could do."

Snoke gave him an appraising look. "I have some ideas in mind, but first I'd appreciate it if you played me more of your compositions. I'm very interested in hearing what else you've come up with." He lifted a hand, pointing to Ben's left, to a grand piano, shiny and black. "Please."

Ben glanced from the piano back to Snoke and then nodded. "Yeah. Ok. Sure." He stood, trying to shake his nerves. He knew he was a good composer and a great player. He wasn't one for false modesty when it came to his skills as a musician. But this was huge. If he screwed this up, or if Snoke didn't like what he composed, then he'd lose this chance to become the musician he hoped to be.

Sitting down, he adjusted the seat until it was where he needed it, brushing his fingers along the keys and playing a warmup exercise to get a feel for the piano. Once he was comfortable, he took a deep breath, holding it, and then exhaling slowly. Once he started the song, everything faded away. He played his newest piece, another bluesy Chopin song. Like most pianists, Chopin was his favorite composer. Ben liked his music, but blues and jazz called to him. He loved the timing, not quite on the beat, a feat most classical musicians had a difficult time mastering. There was a finesse required. You couldn't just play off the beat, you had to play off the beat in exactly the right way. He also just loved how free it made him feel, like he wasn't boxed into a piece.

When the song ended, Ben didn't even stop to gauge Snoke's reaction before starting a new song. This one was a mashup of a bunch of different songs, each with a bluesy spin on them. It had taken him awhile to compose it, needing to get things to line up just right so that it played as a coherent song and not just a bunch of snippets.

In all, Ben played all five of his compositions, including the one he had played for him the other day, before looking back up at Snoke. He noticed Snoke's brandy hadn't been touched in the twenty minutes he'd been playing. He scratched the back of his neck feeling his face heat under the man's scrutiny. He stood and walked back over to the chair, Snoke watching his every move through narrowed eyes.

"You have a rare gift," he said, setting his tumbler down.

The corners of Ben's mouth twitched as he tried to tamp down a smile. He needed to play it cool. He didn't want Snoke to think he was too eager. Then he'd be offering him some measly deal, and Ben wanted big bucks. He wanted fame and fortune, and most importantly, he wanted the freedom to play the music he wanted to play.

"Thank you."

"Did you compose all of those pieces yourself?" Snoke rested his elbows on the arms of his chair, steepling his fingertips.

Ben nodded. "Yeah."

"Where do your ideas come from?"

Ben shrugged. "I don't know. They just come to me. I like classical music, but sometimes it feels like there could be more to the song. I've always liked playing jazz and blues. There's more freedom to the music than with classical."

Snoke gave him an appraising look, and Ben tried not to squirm under the scrutiny, taking a drink of his water.

After a long moment of uncomfortable silence, Snoke spoke. "Your creativity is quite high. Very few composers of any genre have successfully integrated two seemingly opposing genres. I don't have to tell you that classical music is founded on very specific rules, and you managed to break them all, and in such a way as to create what can only be called ingenious masterpieces."

Ben felt his face and ears heating up under Snoke's praise. "Thank you."

Snoke narrowed his eyes. "Yes. I can take you very far." His voice was quiet, and he almost seemed to be talking to himself.

Ben cleared his throat, looking around the room, uncertain what to say to that. He tried to manage his expectations, but he could feel hope and excitement stirring. He struggled to tamp them down, not wanting to seem eager, but it was difficult. He might finally be getting somewhere, might finally be able to play the music he wanted to play.

"With my help, you can be an even bigger star than your grandfather."

Ben's gaze snapped back to Snoke. "What? What do you mean?"

The corners of Snoke's mouth turned upwards. "What did your family tell you about your grandfather?"

Ben frowned. "They said he left to pursue jazz music, became a junkie, and died, leaving my grandmother with two children to raise alone."

Snoke barked a laughed. "They would say that, wouldn't they?" He shook his head. "No boy. Your grandfather wasn't just some junkie."

Ben felt a strange premonition slide down his spine, making the hair on his neck and arms stand on end. "What do you mean?"

Snoke's smile looked predatory as he said, "Your grandfather was none other than the legendary jazz musician, Darth Vader."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Whoa! I am so sorry. I just realized I forgot to post chapter 8 here! I posted it on AO3 (where you can find me under the same name btw) and completely forgot to post here. I came to post chapter 9 and went "wait...where is the chapter 8 document?!" So anyway, I shall bless you with two chapters in 1 day instead, so please make sure you read chapter 8 before chapter 9. :)

* * *

**Chapter 9**

Three Years Ago

Ben's hands were shaking as he shoved his key into the elevator slot and punched the number for his parents' penthouse. All this time they had lied to him, had made it seem as if his grandfather had been a failure at everything in his life, that his life as a jazz musician had led to nothing. Instead, he was one of the most well-known musicians of any genre. His music was played all over the world. Ben had his music on his phone.

He paced the tiny elevator, feeling like a caged animal as he ran his hands through his hair and pressed his fists against his eyes. He tried to breathe deeply, knowing he needed to calm down, but he felt like he was about to explode.

When the doors finally opened, Ben charged down the hallway.

"Mom! Dad! Where are you?"

"Master Ben –"

Ben whirled towards his parents' blonde butler. "Where are they, Threepio?"

The man's eyebrows as he took in Ben's demeanor. "Goodness me, you're in a state."

Ben slammed his hand against the wall. "_Where are they?_"

"Ben!"

Ben shoved the man aside as his mother appeared in the hallway.

"Were you never going to tell me?"

His mother had always done a good job of appearing much taller than she actually was, but Ben could see the concern in her eyes as he neared. He forced himself to stop several feet away, his hands balled into fists at his side. He didn't want to do something he'd regret. He may be angry, but she was still his mother.

"Were you never going to tell me that my grandfather was Darth Vader?"

Leia's eyes widened fractionally, but she crossed her arms, lifting her chin. "Who told you that?"

"What's with all the shouting?"

They both turned as Ben's father walked into view. His eyebrows rose as he looked between Leia and Ben.

"Your son," Leia said, gesturing towards Ben, "has discovered the identity of his grandfather and is a tad upset."

"Yes, I'm upset!" Han and Leia both jumped at Ben's shout, turning towards him. He pointed his finger at Leia. "You and your brother have spent years trying to keep me away from my passion, telling me I'd end up a drug addict and a nobody like my grandfather, and it turns out that all of that was a lie!"

"Now just calm down," Han said, holding his hands up.

Leia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Ben, it was all for your own good."

"My own –" Before he could continue Leia spoke over him.

"My father _was_ a drug addict, and he left us behind to pursue fame and fortune and ended up dead because of it." She crossed her arms again, stepping closer to him. When she spoke, her voice was gentle. "So yes, Luke and I might have exaggerated the truth, but we didn't lie about his lifestyle."

Ben felt his anger starting to give way to the pain and betrayal it had been masking. He swallowed past a lump in his throat. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of crying. They had lied to him his entire life.

"You've lied to me, repeatedly, tried to squash my passion, and for what? Someone else's mistakes?" His voice cracked on the last word, and he clenched his fists tighter.

Guilt flashed in his mother's eyes. She started to reach for him, but he pulled away. "Don't touch me." He turned around. "Don't call me. Don't come to my apartment. I don't want to see you."

"Ben –"

Before his mother could say more, he walked into the elevator, which had thankfully not been recalled in his short time there, and pushed the close door button.

* * *

Three Years Ago

Ben paced in front of the run down building that Rey called home. He didn't even know if she was there, though he suspected at this time of night, she must be. He wanted to see her, but he was so keyed up from his confrontation with his parents that he didn't want to end up snapping at her.

He kept running through his memories over the years, the many lies stacking on top of one another, each one adding to his sense of betrayal. This was _his_ life they were messing with, punishing him because of their father's mistakes. Most of his anger was towards his mom and uncle, but his father had also known about it and had never clued him in either.

He had always thought the worst thing his parents had done had been being absent for most of his childhood, but this felt much worse. This was a deliberate decision to lie to him.

He pulled his hands through his hair.

"So, are you ever going to come in or what?"

Ben whipped around to find Rey leaning against a wall, arms and ankles crossed, watching him. He exhaled sharply, striding to her, grabbing her face and pressing his lips to hers. Rey tensed, clearly surprised, but then matched his intensity, grasping the sides of his shirt to pull him closer.

He felt the tension melt away and a different sort of tension begin to build. Rey was so full of life, he felt lighter just being near her. He wished he could smile so easily. She had had a truly horrific life up to this point, including the fact she was living in an abandoned building, and yet none of it seemed to bother her. She acted as if she had everything she wanted in life. Ben could only hope to be so free.

Eventually, Rey pushed against his chest, breaking the kiss. Ben closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath and keep himself from diving back in.

"Not that that wasn't just – spectacular, but what's going on? What happened?"

Ben turned around, pacing a few steps away, his hands on his hips as he stared up at the building across the street. What was he even doing here? He couldn't burden Rey with his problems. She had enough going on without him dumping all his problems on her as well.

He huffed, shaking his head and rubbing his forehead. "You know what? Never mind. This was a bad idea."

He started walking away without looking back, but felt a hand on his arm.

"Hey." Rey slid in front of him, putting her hands on his chest to stop him. "What's going on?"

He looked down at her. She was so beautiful. It should be illegal to be that beautiful. She was homeless and living on the street and looked better than any of the numerous actresses he'd met over the years. Maybe it was her lack of vanity. She didn't care what he thought about her living situation. She'd called him a snob on numerous occasions.

"How are you so beautiful?"

Rey snorted. "Are you drunk?"

Ben tried and failed to smile, instead shaking his head. "No. I'm not drunk."

She raised an eyebrow. "High?"

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "No."

She grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away from her head and threading her fingers through his. "Well I'm standing here in pajamas with holes in them and my hair is a rat's nest, so clearly you're on some sort of substance."

"I'm high on you."

Rey rolled her eyes, but the corners of her mouth curled up. "That is the cheesiest line I have ever heard, Solo." She walked around him, pulling him behind her. "Come on in and let's hear this tale of woe that has you talking like a regular Romeo – though I should warn you, if you say that I 'doth teach the torches to burn bright,' I'm going to have to break up with you."

Ben smirked as he followed her into the abandoned building.

* * *

Today

"Rey!"

Rey stopped, closing her eyes, her hands fisted at her sides as she tried to calm her swirling emotions before Ben slid into view, breathing heavily. Her heart hurt as she watched him trying to catch his breath. Seeing Snoke again had been like a punch in the gut, a reminder that Ben had left her all those years ago, for the fame that Snoke had promised.

"Come to tomorrow's performance."

She blinked at him. That was not what she had expected him to say. "What?"

Ben held her gaze, and Rey drew her brows together, surprised by the emotion she saw behind his eyes.

"I don't –" He cut off, exhaling a sharp puff of air and looking away, his hands fisted at his sides. "I'm performing for another two nights." He looked back at her. "I'd really like to see you again."

Her lips parted as she stared at him, her heart feeling like it was about to jump out of her chest. She wanted to say yes – she _really_ wanted to say yes – but could she do that to herself? Could she really spend time with him and then watch him walk away from her a second time?

As if he could see the war going on in her head, Ben raised a hand, as if to put it on her shoulder, before dropping it and simply whispering "Please?"

Her resolve cracked. She swallowed and then nodded, looking down. "Yeah, ok."

She heard him exhale. "Good. Great. Excellent."

She bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling. Somewhere in the past three years, she had forgotten how adorably awkward Ben could be. She looked up just as he opened his mouth, but instead of speaking his mouth hung open, his gaze caught with hers.

The moment felt heady. She had always felt like she was magnetized towards Ben, like every cell in her body wanted to be with him, be near him, all the time, and this time was no different. She consciously stopped herself from reaching for him, and from the way his jaw ticked and his knuckles whitened, she suspected he was going through a similar battle.

Clearing her throat, she said, "Well. I had better get going then."

Ben unclenched his hands as he nodded. "Yeah. Ok."

She waited for him to say something else, but when he just looked at her, she nodded. "Well, ok then. Um. See you tomorrow."

"Right." He nodded, watching her as she turned around. She had only made it a few steps before he shouted after her. "Wait! I forgot to tell you how to get in."

She turned around and waited for him to continue. She hated this awkwardness, hated that the easy relationship between them had dissolved into this tension. She felt a physical pain in her chest as she was hit with how much she missed him.

"Uh." His softly spoken word brought her back into the moment and she wondered if he felt as tongue tied around her as she did around him. "Just look for Gwen. She'll show you to your seat and take you backstage afterward."

Rey felt like she had been punched in the gut for the second time that night at the reminder that Ben had a girlfriend. Her heart hurt, and she knew she should rescind her acceptance of his invitation – especially since he already had Gwen – but selfishly nodded anyway. "Ok. Um. Bye."

She turned around, rolling her eyes at herself as she walked towards the subway station, feeling Ben's eyes on her. When she rounded the corner she stopped, leaning against the wall of the building as other people walked by. She bent over, forcing herself to breathe deeply as the shock of the night hit her in full force. She hadn't expected any of that. She had thought the hardest part of going to the performance would be seeing Ben on stage. She had never dreamed he'd see her there, or that he'd want to see her, talk to her, in person.

When her heart rate calmed enough that she didn't feel as if she'd just run a marathon, she started towards the subway again. She rubbed her chest, the area above her heart feeling as if it was bruised.

The doors were just starting to close as she hit the bottom step of the subway entrance. She ran, sliding in at the last second and dropping into the nearest seat. She leaned her head against the glass behind her, closing her eyes as she tried to wrestle her emotions under control.

How was she going to manage being around him again? Ten minutes of interaction had left her feeling wrung out, emotionally bruised. Not to mention, now she was going to have to deal with the fact that he had moved on from her, that he'd had a steady girlfriend for years. What did he even want with her? To apologize for leaving her so suddenly? But if that were the case, then he could have done so while she was right there. What did Gwen think of this whole thing? It couldn't sit well with her that her boyfriend was asking his ex-girlfriend to see him again.

She breathed in deeply through her nose, holding it for three seconds before exhaling. She had to get herself together before she got back to her apartment. No doubt her friends were waiting there for her to get back. What was she even going to say to them? How did she explain why Kylo Ren asked to see her? If she admitted to dating him before, then she'd definitely just come across as a weird stalker ex-girlfriend. Maybe that's what she was, but she didn't want her friends thinking that.

When her stop arrived, she dragged herself off the train and up to the street level. She forced herself to keep walking, though it seemed as if the closer she got to home, the slower she walked. She felt as if she were back a few days before when she first discovered Ben was coming into town, like she was trudging through tar, each step on the stairs feeling like she was wrenching her foot out of the quagmire.

When she reached her door, she closed her eyes, taking another deep breath, pushing all her emotions down. She could deal with them when she was alone. Opening her eyes, she exhaled and opened the door.

Rose was on her immediately. "You have to tell me everything." Rey dropped her keys into the bowl. "What did he want with you?" She slipped out of her shoes. "How did he know who you were?"

Rey opened her mouth before snapping it shut again as she looked around. "Where are Finn and Poe?"

Rose waved at her. "I sent them home. I knew you wouldn't want to answer twenty questions from each of us."

"So, I only have to answer twenty questions from you?" Rey forced herself to smile, but judging by the look of concern on Rose's face, she probably looked more like she was grimacing. She shoved past Rose, intent on locking herself in her room, the concern on Rose's face starting to unravel the web holding her emotions in check.

"Rey?" She heard Rose following close behind her. "Rey, what's wrong?"

Rey shook her head as she entered her room. "Nothing's wrong." She went to close the door, but Rose stuck her foot in the crack.

"Something is wrong." Rose shoved her way inside Rey's bedroom. Rey turned away, feeling tears prick behind her eyes.

"Nothing's wrong, Rose." She winced as her watery voice belied her words.

"Did he do something to you?" Rose's voice sharp and getting louder in her indignation. "Do we need to call the police? Because I will absolutely support you if you want to take down some sleaze who tried to force himself on you."

Rey huffed a laugh. "He didn't do anything. Please, I just want to be alone right now."

Rose grabbed her shoulder, forcing her to turn around. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what happened. You look like someone just killed your pet rabbit."

Despite her every intention not to do so, despite the fact she had managed not to cry in front of anyone for over three years, Rey burst into tears.

* * *

Today

Ben walked back to his dressing room, hardly aware of anything going on around him. He somehow felt both lighter and heavier since Rey had agreed to come again the following day. He felt like a part of him that had been holding its breath had finally exhaled. He wasn't going to have to deal with losing her again right away. He would see her tomorrow.

He forced down the voice that reminded him he would have to leave her eventually. Even if he wanted to be with her, he couldn't. Snoke had him in a contract so tight, it was a wonder Ben had the freedom to pee without asking permission. He had been so stupid, signing that document, trusting Snoke when he said that it would help Ben's interests. He wanted to go back three years and strangle himself. He had been supremely naïve to trust a man like Snoke. The man had taken advantage of him, had wheedled him with half-truths about fame and fortune.

Ben was famous, but at what cost? He had never had friends, had been schooled by tutors, dived straight into Juilliard, and then spent all his free time studying music. The first friend he had had had been Rey, and Snoke had managed to cut not only her out of Ben's life, but also his family. He had been left with no one.

He pushed the door to his dressing room open, unsurprised to find Snoke waiting, brandy in hand, legs crossed as he lounged on the small couch in the room.

"What a touching reunion," he said as Ben dropped into the chair, rubbing his eyes with his index finger and thumb. "I'm so sorry to have broken it up."

Ben dropped his hand. He was tired. Bone-weary, soul-sucking tired. He didn't have the energy to deal with Snoke and his brand of manipulation. "What do you want?"

Snoke's eyes narrowed infinitesimally. "To make sure you remember your obligations."

Ben snorted. "Like I could forget. You're basically the devil, owning my soul."

A flash of anger ran through Snoke's features before he masked them again. "I don't want you seeing her again."

Ben ground his jaw. "No. I'm seeing her tomorrow."

"I forbid it." Snoke took a long drag from his tumbler.

"I don't care. I'm seeing her tomorrow."

"Need I remind you of how your music suffered the last time you allowed your heart to rule your mind? If she hadn't left you, you'd probably be nothing more than some second strain pianist for a pitiful orchestra. Without me, you would be nothing."

_Without you, I'd be happy._ Ben knew better than to speak the thought aloud, though something in his expression must have conveyed his feelings, as Snoke stood up, a sneer on his face.

"You are not to see her again. She will be nothing but a distraction."

Ben glared at the man. "I just had the best performance of my life, and the _only_ reason for that is because she was there. So, if you're worried about my performances, don't be."

Surprisingly, Snoke had no retort, a flash of surprise in his eyes as he turned toward the door, saying over his shoulder. "You had better be right." At the doorway, he turned back around. "If your music suffers because of your lack of commitment to your music, I will sue you for breach of contract."

When the man was finally gone, door shut behind him, Ben slumped against the seat. He dragged himself out of the chair, falling face first onto the couch. He wished he had a blanket to pull over his head, to block out the light and the world.

He squeezed his eyes shut, carefully reliving each moment he had had with Rey. He was pathetic. She had been the one to leave him, and yet he couldn't stand the thought of not seeing her, of letting her walk out of his life again. Seeing her again had breathed new life into him. His heart did a funny leap as he thought of her entering the room. Even with all the pictures he had, none of them had done justice to what Rey was like in person.

He frowned as he thought of how subdued she had been. He supposed it could have been the awkwardness of the situation, but he didn't think so. He would pay careful attention to her the following evening, to see if he noticed the same melancholy in her features. What could possibly have happened to suck so much light out of her? Physically, it would seem her circumstances had improved, since she was so obviously at a better weight for her size. Her cheeks hadn't been as hollow, and her clavicles hadn't been as sharp. But there had been a tenseness in her features, a sadness in her eyes. It made him both intensely curious and intensely sad.

There was a soft knock on the door. When he didn't answer, he heard it open.

"Go away, Gwen."

"Well, I'm happy to see that your meeting with Rey left you in good spirits."

His lips twitched at her dry tone. Had he not been moping over his circumstances, he might have been in danger of smiling. As it was, he rolled his eyes, covering the back of his head with his hands, pressing his face into the couch.

"I'm not in the mood to discuss my private life."

Gwen snorted. "And I have never been in the mood to hear about your private life, and yet you told me about it anyway." He groaned, knowing she wasn't going to give up. "Go on. Out with it."

He shook his head. "It wasn't Rey. It's Snoke."

"Ah." Though the word was short, he could hear the understanding. Aside from regaling Gwen with the particulars of his private life, he had also spent many a night raging to her over his obligations to Snoke and his wish to be free of his contract. She had told him many times to go see a lawyer, to try to take Snoke to court, but Ben knew he could never afford a better lawyer than Snoke, and then the man would have his money anyway.

"What did he say this time?"

"He told me I wasn't allowed to see Rey again."

He felt the toe of a boot nudging his elbow. "Get your face out of the cushion and then tell me what Snoke said. I can't understand 'smdfen sefusensf.'"

He pushed himself up, sitting on the couch and running his hands through his hair. "He told me I wasn't allowed to see Rey again."

"Again?" Ben looked up at the surprise in Gwen's tone.

"Yes. I invited her back to tomorrow's performance. I'm planning to take her for coffee afterward, to make sure Snoke doesn't barge in like he did this evening."

Gwen frowned. "Ok. Start from the beginning. What happened?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Three Years Ago

Ben got to the practice room early, warming up using his various compositions. He was doing it purposely, knowing it would irritate Luke. After the first couple, however, he forgot that he was playing to spite his uncle and began to enjoy himself. The tension he had been carrying since he had blown up at his parents began to ease.

Despite the efforts of both his mother and uncle to squash his passions, he still loved music, all music. He loved the way it could speak to his soul. Just the right song could ease anger, could make him cry in catharsis, could make him laugh. Music was the love of his life…or it had been before Rey. The corner of his mouth quirked up at the thought.

When he ran out of his actual compositions, Ben just let his mind go and played, keeping a bluesy theme with no real direction, just notes as he felt them. Eventually it dissolved into Billy Joel's _The Piano Man_, a cheesy favorite of his.

He lost track of how long he played, but eventually remembered he was supposed to be meeting Luke. Pulling his hands away from the keys, he jumped when he heard a loud clap behind him. Turning, he saw Luke leaning against the back wall.

Ben ground his teeth together as his anger came rushing back.

Luke pushed off the wall and came over to him. "You've got talent, kid."

Ben snorted. "No thanks to you."

"I understand you're upset." Luke dragged a chair over and sat, crossing his legs. Ben ground his teeth together, getting further irritated by Luke's calm demeanor.

"Oh, you mean because you tried to shame me out of something I love? Or maybe because you lied to me my entire life to do it?"

"Your mother was the one who wanted to keep the truth of our father a secret." Luke spoke louder when Ben opened his mouth to rage, "and I agree with her decision."

Ben stood up, seething. "So, what you're saying is you're not even sorry?"

Luke rolled his eyes, sighing. "Ben –"

"No." Ben's voice echoed in the room. "You and my mother lied to me my entire life, tried to crush the one thing I'm passionate about, and you're not even _sorry_?" He cursed. "You are ruining my life and you don't even care!"

"Stop being so melodramatic." Luke's eyes flared, as if he was also barely holding his temper, but Ben was so livid that it was all he could do not to punch his own uncle. He satisfied himself with picking up a music stand and hurling it at the wall. The sharp sound of metal scraping against metal as the stand crashed down into the line of music stands echoed in the room.

"Get yourself under control." Luke's voice was sharp, heightening Ben's anger.

"I am in control." He felt like he was about the breathe fire, seething in the knowledge that Luke didn't care that he was in the wrong. "If I wasn't in control of myself, I would have punched you in the face by now."

"You're just like him, you know."

Ben clenched his fists as he turned back, speaking through his teeth. "What?"

Luke narrowed his eyes, looking as if he were trying to gauge Ben's reaction. "That's why your mother decided to keep the truth from you, to keep you away from his path."

Ben was grinding his teeth so hard he was surprised he hadn't cracked a tooth. "So, I'm just supposed to pay for the sins of your father without regard for the fact we're actually completely different people?" His voice rose as he stalked nearer to Luke. Unsurprisingly, the man didn't look cowed. "Never mind the fact that Darth Vader is one of the most celebrated jazz musicians in the world. You would rather take your anger at your father out on me, ruin my life, squash every ounce of passion I have for music, just to get revenge? Is that it?"

Luke gave a long-suffering sigh. Ben's anger spiked, and before Luke could say anything, Ben's fist crashed into the side of the piano, strong enough to crack the wood.

"BEN!" Luke rose to his feet, his eyes flashing.

Ben turned around, cursing at Luke as he strode towards the door, shaking his now throbbing hand. "Tell my mother to stay away from me. I don't want either of you calling me, texting me, or coming anywhere near me unless you're prepared to say you're sorry." He picked up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder, looking back as he opened the door. "And don't expect my forgiveness if you do."

Without another word, he walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

* * *

Today

Rey shrugged Rose's hand off and ran into her room, holding a hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs.

"Rey?" Rose's voice was close behind her and sounded worried. "What happened?"

Rey tried closing her door but Rose threw a hand out to stop it.

"Please just leave me alone," Rey said, her voice wavering as she swiped the tears from her eyes.

"No." Rose's voice sounded concerned, her brows drawn together as she looked at Rey. "I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me what happened. I've never seen you cry before. What did Kylo Ren do to you?"

Rey shook her head, once again pressing her hand to her mouth as tears streamed down her face. She closed her eyes, mortified to be caught breaking down.

She started when she felt arms coming around her. Rose was a good five inches shorter than Rey, but she wrapped both arms around her, hugging her tightly. The hug broke whatever flimsy defenses she had left, and she broke down completely, sobbing into Rose's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." Her voice was muffled by the fabric of Rose's shirt, but she could feel Rose shaking her head.

"No, it's ok. It has to be something big if you're crying. Just please tell me the truth. Do I need to call the police?"

Rey gave a sob that was half cry, half laugh. "No. He didn't do anything to me."

Rose was silent as Rey tried to calm her tears. Her face was so hot from embarrassment, she probably looked like a tomato. She had never broken down in front of other people before. Even right when Ben left, she had kept to herself, put on a happy face around everyone. After three years of it, however, she had grown weary. She had convinced herself she was getting over him, feeling like maybe her smiles were genuine now, and not a face she put on. Ever since the moment she had seen that Ben was coming back into town, however, she had felt her carefully molded façade cracking. She had spent the last several days attempting to mend the cracks as they appeared, but seeing Ben in person had melted the glue holding her together. Being around him reminded her of why she had fallen so hard for him in the first place. He was gorgeous and awkward and sweet. Unfortunately, it had also reminded her of the pain his abandonment had left her with.

She reluctantly pulled away from Rose, not eager to face her roommate's questions. She swiped her cheeks with her hands as she sniffled, turning and walking to her bed to sit down. Rose was eyeing her cautiously as she followed, sitting next to her.

Rey took a deep breath, holding it as she looked around, before exhaling a sharp puff of air. She glanced at Rose, who was watching her closely, and then stared at her hands.

"Three years ago, I…um…" She took a deep breath and sighed. "I used to date Kylo Ren."

She bit her lip, waiting for Rose's response. When there was none, she looked up. Rose's mouth was parted and her eyes were wide as she blinked rapidly.

"I – what?" Had the circumstances been different, Rey might have laughed at how Rose looked like a fish opening and closing her mouth.

Rey nodded. "I know. It's crazy. His real name is Ben. We dated before he got famous."

"Wait." Rose snapped her mouth shut, shaking her head. "You dated Kylo Ren?"

Rey nodded, biting her lip.

"The same Kylo Ren whose albums you've listened to obsessively, whose youtube videos you watch, whose concert we just went to? That Kylo Ren?"

Rey nodded.

Rose blinked at her. "You know that makes you a stalker, right?"

Rey groaned, dropping her head into her hands. "Yes. I know. It's awful."

"Huh."

Rose remained silent as Rey hid behind her hands. This was awful. So humiliating…yet also strangely freeing. It had been difficult to maintain the façade for so long. Maybe this wasn't a completely bad situation. Maybe Rose could help keep Rey accountable, so she could finally stop obsessing over her ex and move on with her life. Honestly, she really had a problem. This was good.

Taking a deep breath, she dropped her hands, straightening her spine and then looking back at Rose.

Rose was frowning at her. "That is so weird."

Rey licked her lips. "I know. It's so weird. I swear I've never done anything –"

Rose cut her off. "No. I don't mean you stalking your famous ex-boyfriend. I mean how you change like that. I can't believe I never noticed."

Rey shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

Rose gestured towards her. "One minute you're a sobbing mess and then the next you're calm, cool, and collected. I've never seen you switch like that. It's like you just put on a Happy Rey costume."

"I –" She didn't know how to respond to that. Rose was right, of course. That's exactly what Rey did, but she did it because she had to. She didn't want to be the person who spent years moping because her first love left her. It was pathetic, and she didn't want to be pathetic.

"I mean," Rose said, eyeing her, "I get why you do it. It makes sense. I'd probably be the same. You don't want to bring everyone down because you're moping around. It's just…unnerving to see how much you've been hiding from me and the rest of the world."

Rey bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Rose. I…I didn't mean to lie to you. I just," she looked around the room. "I just don't know how to get over him, you know?"

Rose arched her eyebrows. "Well, step one would be not to stalk him all over the internet."

Rey huffed a laugh, groaning. "I know. I know I was, and am, being stupid. How can I get over him when I'm obsessed with him?"

Rose frowned. "I'd really like to learn the whole story. I mean…you don't strike me as the type to get hung up over a guy for so long."

Rey laughed again. "I'm not. That's why it's so pathetic. I've never been so pathetic in my entire life. It's embarrassing."

Rose scooted back until her back was against the wall, wiggling her feet over the side of the twin bed. "Ok. So, spill."

* * *

Three Years Ago

Leia sipped her coffee as Luke paced in front of her desk.

"You weren't there, Leia. He's just like Anakin. He punched a hole in Steinway grand piano."

Despite the grim circumstances, Leia had to bite the inside of her lip at Luke's tone, as if punching a Steinway grand piano was one of the seven deadly sins.

"We've always known he has a temper, Luke. It's why we tried to get him interested in other things."

Ben was so like her father, it scared her. She felt guilty for having spent so much time away from Ben when he was younger. She had just gotten her production company up and running when she had had him, and work had taken up so much of her time. She regretted leaving him so long with only nannies for company. The boy didn't even have any friends. She had thought giving him tutors instead of forcing him to go to public school was a way to give him an edge in life, but now she wondered if perhaps that too had been an error.

She sighed. "But he's also different, Luke." Luke stopped his pacing, his eyebrows in his hairline. She rolled her eyes. "Yes, he inherited our father's temper, but he inherited it from me. I share our father's temper as well." She sighed, the hazy memories of her mother coming to mind as she studied her brother. "You were the one who got mother's calm."

Luke dropped into the chair in front of her desk. "I'm thinking of going to the higher ups. I know we've donated a lot of money to Juilliard, but I'm not sure paying to fix the piano is the right course of action."

Leia frowned. "What do you mean?"

Luke took a deep breath, like he did when he was preparing to deal with her temper. "I think I might speak with the president about the procedures for expelling Ben."

Leia straightened her spine, her voice sharp. "What?"

Luke held up a hand. "I know it's extreme, but he's got to learn that he can't go around acting like a two-year-old with no repercussions."

Leia glared at him. "I will not have you threatening Ben's future because of one outburst."

"Leia –"

She cut him off. "Don't you 'Leia' me. Ben is not our father. Yes, I agreed we needed to try to direct him away from following Anakin's footsteps, but I think we've gone too far. All we've accomplished is alienating him." Her shoulders slumped, and she sat back in the chair. "Ben has a temper, and I'm not saying he shouldn't have repercussions for his actions, but expulsion is too drastic. He's a good boy. Anakin had already impregnated our mother by this age, leaving her to pursue his music. He was already headed down a dark path. Ben is not…unless we drive him there."

Luke's demeanor changed, the anger draining out of him as he also slumped back. "You're right. I know you're right." He rested his chin on his hand. "And his music. Leia, you should hear it. The boy's a genius. The way he can take those pieces and turn them into blues is amazing. I've been teaching for years and haven't come across anyone with more talent than he has."

Leia rubbed her forehead. "Let's just give him a few more days to calm down. Cancel his next several sessions with you. I'll take him to lunch in a few days. Hopefully if we're in public he will be more likely to listen." She narrowed her eyes at Luke. "Whatever you do, don't antagonize him."

Luke nodded. "Yeah."

Sitting back, Leia sighed. What a mess.

* * *

Today

"You have to go."

Rey blinked at her roommate. "What?"

Rose leaned forward. "Rey. You have to go. You need closure."

Rey shook her head. Rose had listened without interrupting as Rey poured out the tale of her time with Ben, how it had ended, and everything between then and now. As she spoke, she had made the decision not to go to Ben's concert the following night. If tonight had proven anything, it was that seeing Ben only unraveled her. She had a recital coming up, semester finals were just around the corner. She couldn't afford to be distracted and emotional. She had to be in control.

"No. It's not going to change anything."

Rose quirked an eyebrow. "How do you know?"

Rey sighed. "He has a girlfriend, remember?"

Rose narrowed her eyes, like she was thinking. "Are you sure Gwen Phasma is his girlfriend?"

Rey rolled her eyes. "Yes. It was splashed all over the newspapers a couple years ago. They were seen together at a party."

Rose shook her head slowly. "I don't think it's true."

"Rose –"

Rose folded her legs under her, leaning towards Rey. "No think about it. Gwen, his alleged-girlfriend, comes to grab you from the concert and then leaves you two alone? And then Ben asks you back to the concert and tells you to look for Gwen? If Gwen is his girlfriend, then she is the most understanding – and potentially naïve – girlfriend in the world."

Rey snapped her mouth shut, blinking rapidly as she considered Rose's words. She had stayed away from everything that wasn't his official website and official youtube channel since she had found the rumors all those years ago. Could they have just been speculating? She huffed a laugh at herself. Gossip websites thrived on rumors.

She groaned, her head falling into her hands. "I'm so stupid."

Rose leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Rey. "You're not stupid. You're just hurting. I honestly can't imagine being hung up on someone for so long, but now that I've heard the story, I just want to say that I'm sorry for being so dense. You've been hurting for years, and I never picked up on it. Worst friend ever."

Rey pulled back, shaking her head. "No. No. It's not your fault. I'm just a really great actress."

Rose snorted. "Well, with the performance you've been pulling off, you could have double majored in music and acting." She eyed Rey playfully. "You're a double threat, you know that?"

Rey chuckled, shoving Rose's shoulder. "Shut up."

Rose grabbed a pillow and chucked it at her. "You shut up. You have so much talent, and you're an amazing friend, despite all the lying about your feelings, and I'm liking this Kylo Ren less and less. Ben was an idiot to let you go."

Rey smiled, ducking her head as her face heated. "Thanks, Rose."

They were both silent for another moment before Rose spoke again. "I still think you should go tomorrow. You could confront him. Ask him why he left you, why he wants to see you now. It kind of seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He left you for fame, and now he wants to have you back in his life? Naw. Go see him, and tell him off. That'll get you over him."

Rey laughed. "I'm not going to tell him off."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Fine. Take me with you. I'll tell him off." She stood on her knees, shaking a fist as she looked up at an imaginary face. "You idiot. You think money and fame is better than the amazing Rey? Thou art a fool. Were this a Shakespearean play, you would be the Fool, jingling miserably across the floor."

Rey chucked a pillow back at Rose, laughing. Rose collapsed onto her back, flinging her arm over her eyes. "I have been slain! Struck down by she whose name reflects her inner light, like a ray of sunshine in our lives."

"You are such a dork."

Rose sat up, smiling. "But I made you laugh, so mission accomplished."

She scooted off the bed, grabbing Rey's hand and pulling her. "Come on. Let's order pizza. I'm starving. All this talk of heartache and slaying dragons named Ben has worked up an appetite."

Rey snorted. "It's almost midnight."

Rose shrugged. "The best pizzas are made at midnight."

Rey shook her head, smiling. This is why she loved living with Rose. Rose had a way of lightening a moment. Rey used to be like that. It had been the gift her years of being a foster child had given her. She had kept her sunny disposition so that she could pretend her life wasn't sad. And it hadn't been sad, really. Somewhere in the past three years, however, she had lost a part of herself.

She frowned at the realization. It hadn't really occurred to her that Ben had taken her optimism with him when he left. She didn't like this.

"I'm going to go."

Rose smiled. "Excellent. I can see the murder in your eyes." She raised a fist. "Vengence shall be yours!"

Rey snorted. "You are so dramatic."

Rose winked as she tapped on her phone. "It's my M.O."

* * *

Three Years Ago

Ben watched Rey as she sight-read through the piece he had brought her, Beethoven's _Pathetique Movement_. It never ceased to amaze him how quickly she learned. This was no beginner's piece. Most students played for years before they got to this level of song, and Rey had reached in in a number of weeks. It was absolutely astounding. She was playing it for the very first time, and even though it was slow, there were almost no mistakes. It was almost perfect.

When she played the last notes, she did what she always did, holding them there until the sound faded away. She turned to him, biting her lip. He shook his head.

"You're amazing. You're playing pieces it takes most students years to reach."

Her cheeks turned pink. He loved it when she blushed. Maybe that made him weird, but she was so beautiful when her face was pink and she was biting her lip and looking up at him through her lashes.

"You should audition for Juilliard."

The words spilled out of his mouth before he had thought them through, but now that they were out there, he didn't want to take them back. She absolutely belonged at a school like Juilliard. It would be a crime for her not to grow her talent. She could go places. She was certainly better than him, though it surprised him that that fact didn't bother him.

Her mouth popped open and her eyebrows rose. She was silent a moment before snapping her mouth shut and shaking her head. "Don't tease me like that."

He scooted of his chair and onto the bench, grabbing her hands and looking her dead in the eye. "I'm not teasing. You're the best musician I've ever met. I've told you this many, _many_ times. If you don't do something with your talent, it'll be a crime against humanity."

She pressed her lips together, her eyes sparkling with humor. "A crime against humanity?"

He nodded. "Yes. A crime. You can't waste talent like yours on playing for tips. You should be gracing stages, playing for thousands."

Her expression faltered, and she looked away. "I can't afford to go to Juilliard."

He put a finger on her chin, turning her back to him. "They have scholarships. If you're good enough – and believe me you are – they are willing to let you attend for free. You'd need to keep your grades up and all the other stuff that comes with scholarships, but you could do it."

She dropped her eyes, his hand on her chin keeping her from moving away. "I don't know…"

Ben kissed her. It probably wasn't the right time to do so, but he did it anyway. He brought his other hand up so that he was cupping her cheeks. She was stiff at first, seeming surprised, but slowly melted into him. She ran her hands up his arms until she was hugging him, scooting onto his lap.

He loved kissing her. It was his favorite pastime. Her lips were so soft, and just being near her made his heart beat erratically, sometimes skipping beats, other times beating twice as fast. It was as if his heart was as confused by his reaction to Rey as he was.

Eventually he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers, both of them breathing heavily.

He flicked his eyes up to hers. "When are you going to start believing in yourself?"

Rey kept her eyes down, so he plowed on. He'd be damned if he let her get away with not believing how amazing she was. "You are without a doubt the best natural musician I've ever heard. You might even be the best musician period."

Rey shrugged. "Just because I pick something up fast doesn't mean I'm great at it."

Ben laughed. "Yes, it does. That's exactly what that means. You're not a kid. You're not just some prodigy who's picking up algebra at three years old. You were a composer before you even knew how to read music. I've told you this countless times. You are one hundred percent the real deal. I guarantee if you audition for Juilliard, you'll get in, and you'll win a full ride scholarship."

Rey pulled away, moving to sit on the bench again. "And what happens if I don't get in? Or I get in but don't get a full ride?"

Ben shook his head. "That won't happen."

Rey huffed, looking up at him, wearing the most serious expression he'd ever seen on her. It was strange. "But what if it does. I won't be able to go. I don't have any money. I used all the money I'd managed to save during my two years of working in high school to come to New York. I don't know if you've noticed, but it's expensive here. I live in an abandoned building. I take showers at the YMCA. I have exactly three pairs of pants and four shirts. I don't even have a phone."

Ben's heart broke at how she described her life. She had always been so upbeat about everything. He had started to assume she enjoyed the freedom. But maybe he hadn't been looking hard enough. Maybe her life was harder on her than she let on.

"I know," he said, his voice low as he picked up her hand, kissing her fingers and putting it over his heart. "I know your life sucks. I know you don't have money." He swallowed. "Rey." She looked at him, her eyes showing a strange vulnerability he had never seen on her before. "The worst thing that can happen is you don't get to go."

Rey shook her head. "No." She pulled her hand out of his grasp and stood up, walking to where she'd left her guitar. He frowned as the realization struck him that she carried it with her because she didn't want it to be stolen. He hadn't given it much thought, but had kind of assumed it was because she was always waiting to go play for tips. Now, in light of her strangely serious description of her life, his heart squeezed.

She looked back at him as she slung the guitar over her shoulder.

"The worst thing that can happen is I get my hopes up."

Ben stared at the doorway as she disappeared through it.

* * *

Today

"You know," Gwen said after Ben finished telling her of the evening's events, "I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Snoke."

Ben gaped at her. "What?"

She shrugged. "I mean, she is the one who left you, right? You've been moping over her for the entirety of our working relationship. I'm not sure that seeing her again will be good for you. Need I remind you, you'll be leaving town in two days time?"

Ben sighed, flopping back against the back of the couch, leaning his head against the wall and looking at the ceiling. "Don't remind me."

"As your PA, it's my job to remind you. As your friend, it's also my job to make sure you don't hurt yourself."

Ben rubbed at his eyes with his fingers again. "I know. I know I shouldn't see her. It would be the smart thing to do – the logical thing to do – but I can't stand the thought of not spending as much time as I can with her before I leave."

"If you're meeting her again, you should ask why she left you in the first place."

Ben snapped his head down. "What?"

She shrugged. "You might as well get closure before you leave. Maybe if you knew why she left you could finally get over her."

Ben closed his eyes, sighing. "I don't want to get over her."

"What do you mean, you don't want to get over her? What kind of masochist doesn't want to get over the person who hurt them?"

Ben rubbing his chest above his heart. "I know it doesn't make sense. I should be pissed at her instead of wanting to spend as much time as I can with her. But I just…" He looked around the room, trying to find the right words to describe why he didn't care that Rey had left him, why his pride meant nothing to him. "She was the first person who didn't have an expectation of who I was." He looked over at Gwen, whose eyebrows were in her hairline. "All of my life, everyone I've known had expectations for me. I was always going to go to Juilliard. I was always going to be a pianist. My tutors always knew I'd get good grades. Because of my family. Even Snoke only wanted me because I'm Vader's grandson." He shook his head. "But Rey isn't like that. She…she liked me for me."

Gwen didn't say anything, though her expression was worried.

"So," he continued, "while I appreciate the concern and logic behind your advice, I'm not going to take it. I _have_ to see Rey again. Maybe I'll see her again, and we'll talk, and I'll ask her why she left me, but for now, all I can think about is simply that I'll see her again."

After a moment, she nodded. "Ok." Standing up, she held out a hand. "Come on then. Let's get you back to your hotel room."

Snorting, Ben grabbed her hand, standing up. "I don't need you to escort me to my hotel room. It might have escaped your notice, being a woman of amazon proportions, but I'm actually pretty big and can handle myself."

Her mouth twitched. "Yes. I'm sure those fencing lessons will come in quite handy if you're mugged on the streets of New York."

Ben scoffed, striding to the door.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you about that."

Gwen snickered as she followed him out the door.

* * *

**A/N:** Guess who forgot to update on FFN again. *nervous laughter* Just an FYI, you can find me under the same name on AO3. If anyone needs an invite to create an account just PM me. ;) I believe I have several.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 **

Three Years Ago

Ben woke to a loud pounding on his front door. Glancing at the time on his phone, he groaned. Only his mother would come knocking at 6:30 a.m. He rolled over, pulling the covers over his head, trying to ignore the sound. He was, honestly, surprised she had waited as long as she had before trying to force him to speak to her, but he had no desire to speak to her after what she and Luke had done. A week wasn't nearly long enough to calm his sense of betrayal. His phone started buzzing on the nightstand. He ignored that as well, shoving his head underneath his pillow. When it finally went to voicemail, it buzzed again almost immediately.

His mother could be a pain when she wanted to be.

Growling, he threw his pillow against the wall, getting up, and pulling on a shirt as he stomped to the door, not caring that his neighbors would hate him for all the noise so early.

Pulling open the door, he glared at the petite woman before him. "What?"

She pulled off her sunglasses, brushing past him as she scoffed. "Don't 'what' me."

"Get out." Ben crossed his arms, leaving the door open and looking pointedly at it.

She matched his glare, and despite her tiny stature, he felt a tremble of uneasiness in his stomach. His mother could be frightening when it suited her.

"I've given you plenty of time to sulk. It's time we talked about this like civilized adults and move on."

Ben huffed a laugh. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is my anger at your betrayal interfering with your schedule?"

She rolled her eyes. "Stop being so melodramatic."

"So, you're telling me if I open your phone's planner I won't find 'Talk to Ben' penciled into your 6:30 slot? Did you give us a full thirty minutes? Or can you only manage fifteen today? I certainly wouldn't want my melodramatic feelings to interfere with your busy schedule."

She sat down, rubbing her eyes before looking back at him. "Please close the door and sit. I just want to talk."

Ben nearly growled at the sudden influx of hope trying to smother his rage. He was so pathetic, so desperate for his mother's approval after all these years, that he was getting excited that she wanted to talk.

He slammed the door, not caring about the early hour, and then stomped over to the chair opposite his mother, dropping into it. Spreading his arms, he said, "Ok fine. Talk."

He could see his mother just barely avoiding rolling her eyes again. "Ben, I know you're upset, but you have to understand that what Luke and I did –"

"He told me it was your idea."

He frowned at the flicker emotion in his mother's eyes.

Clearing her throat, she nodded. "Yes. It was my idea."

"Why?" Ben didn't give her a chance to start whatever speech she had probably written and rehearsed before coming over. "Why would you want to keep me away from something I love. And don't say it is the lifestyle. Tell me the truth."

Her lips thinned as she exhaled through her nose. "The truth is that you are so like your grandfather. I was worried how alike you two are – were."

Ben looked away. "That is the worst excuse I have ever heard. Just because we share some personality traits does not mean we're the same person."

"Ben, I was just trying to protect you."

He snapped his eyes back to hers. "Protect me?" He shook his head. "No. You weren't protecting me. You were protecting yourself."

Leia frowned at his tone. "I was doing no such thing."

He leaned forward. "You know what I think? I think you used me to get revenge on the father who was never there for you."

Leia's mouth popped open, but Ben continued before she could speak. "You can't keep him from leaving you, so you dictate what I can and can't do with my own life."

He sat back, folding his arms again, seething. His mother blinked at him, her mouth still open as she sat back. Eventually she closed both her mouth and her eyes, swallowing. He fought the urge to take it all back, to say he was sorry for hurting her. He hated this part of himself. No matter how angry or betrayed he felt, or how many times she had neglected him, she was his mother, and he was always eager for her approval.

"I – you're right."

His entire face relaxed as shock swept through him. "What?"

She nodded. "I never stopped to think about the fact that seeing him in you scared me in that way. So, you're right. I have been trying to stifle your passion because the one thing I fear more than anything is losing you."

Ben stared at her, at a complete loss for words. She looked at him a moment longer before leaning forward once more.

"Ben, you have to understand what the life of a musician is like. So many die young, from suicide or drug overdoses. It's not the life I want for you. Maybe my motives weren't as pure as they should have been, but I've only ever wanted to protect you from that lifestyle."

Ben scoffed, calling himself a fool for daring to hope that she might be accepting responsibility for her actions. "You can't even apologize right. You're just making excuses and expecting me to give in." He shook his head. "This is my life and my passion we're talking about, not you missing a recital because of work."

Pain flew through her expression before she hid it once more behind the mask she presented the world. Sometimes he wondered if he even knew his real mother. She was always a mask of calm, diplomatic when she needed to be, and harsh when the occasion called for it.

He stood up, his irritation flaring at her complete lack of humility. She wasn't sorry. She just wanted him to agree with her decisions. "I think we're done here."

"Ben –"

He opened the door, gesturing out. "I think we've exceeded your fifteen minutes. It's probably best you leave."

"Ben, I'm not leaving –"

He looked away. "You're not willing to apologize for interfering in my life, and I'm not willing to accept anything less. I don't think we really have anything else to say to each other."

After a prolonged moment, he heard the sound of her chair scaping as she got up and walked towards him. When her hand cup up to his cheek, he whipped his head around to look at her. He was taken aback by the sadness in her eyes.

"I know I haven't always been the best mother, Ben, but I hope you believe me when I say that you are the most important person in my life. I did what I did not just to save myself the pain, but because I want more for you than what I had. I may be angry at my father for being so stupid, but if I lost you…" He frowned at the catch in her voice as her eyes searched his. "I'd never be happy again. It would destroy me."

Ben pressed his lips together to keep from blurting out that all was forgiven. Had she actually felt that way about him, she would have been present more often instead of treating him like an afterthought. Patting his cheek once, she dropped her hand and walked out the door. Before she could say anything else, he closed the door, leaning back against it and closing his eyes.

After several minutes, he shoved off it, and went back to his bed, pulling the covers over his head once more.

* * *

**Today**

Rey rode the subway home, scrolling through the Google search for "Kylo Ren".

_Kylo Ren Gives Emotional Performance In Hometown_

_Has Kylo Ren Finally Mastered Emotion?_

_Critics Wonder Over Kylo Ren's Sudden Emotion During Performance_

There were countless articles discussing Ben's performance from the night before, all wondering about the sudden change. Rey couldn't help but wonder herself. Perhaps it was just being back home that brought out his emotion. She had seen some crappy videos of the previous night's performance on twitter – ignoring the fact that those people had blatantly ignored the "no video recording" mandate – and they had confirmed that she hadn't made everything up in her head. His performance had easily been his best to date.

Her finger hovered over the Google search bar, "Does Kylo Ren have a girlfriend" typed in, wondering if she dared hit enter. As the train slowed down, she glanced up, surprised to find she was at her stop. She hit the power button on her phone, slipping it back into her pocket.

As she trudged up the stairs, she thought about her session with Luke that afternoon. He had noticed something was off, but hadn't commented on the fact that his nephew had performed the previous night. They had resumed not speaking about Ben, pretending they didn't have that connection, but Luke had once again gently reminded her of her upcoming performance, reminded her she needed to stay free of distraction.

She bit her lip, once more questioning whether she would really go to the performance that evening. On the one hand, her breath caught every time she thought of missing this chance to see him again, of going back to surviving on youtube videos and itunes. On the other hand, she reminded herself that he was still going to be leaving. He had concerts all over the world scheduled for the next several months. Even if they cleared the air between them, she would still have to say goodbye to him again. It was a lose-lose situation. There was no good answer.

Rose's voice sounded in her head, reminding her that she needed to ask why he had left her so suddenly, why he was here now. But the thought of hearing Ben say that his music meant more to him than she had made her chest ache. She wasn't entirely sure she could handle his indifference. Sometimes ignorance really was bliss.

Opening her door, she tossed her keys into their bowl and headed to her room. She tossed her bag on the floor and began pulling off her clothes, staring at the dress she had left hanging over her door. She had set it out so that the wrinkles would hopefully work themselves out, free of the confines of the closet. Once she was down to just her bra and underwear, she headed for the shower. She paused with her hand on the doorknob, warring with herself over whether or not to grab the dress. Eventually she decided she didn't have to decide at that moment and crossed the hall into the bathroom.

When she returned to her room, this time clean, towels wrapped around both her hair and body, she had decided. She wouldn't go. It would be difficult to go back to not seeing Ben, but if she went and confirmed he had chosen his career over her, she might never recover. She pulled on her bra and underwear, and then sat on her bed, staring at her dress.

Shaking her head, she pulled on her yoga pants and t-shirt. Walking out into their tiny living room, she sat cross-legged on the couch, ignoring the urge to go back to google and playing a mindless game instead.

After about fifteen minutes, she heard the sound of Rose unlocking the front door. When she came through the door and found Rey dressed in her pajamas, she rolled her eyes.

"Nope." She pointed towards Rey's room. "You're going."

"Rose –"

Rose crossed her arms. "Since when have you been a coward?"

Rey shook her head. "I'm not. I just think it's better to leave well enough alone."

"Well enough?" Rose rolled her eyes. "Rey. You came home sobbing last night over ten minutes in his presence. You deserve to get closure. If he really chose his career over you, then maybe hearing it from him directly can help you heal." She walked over, grabbing Rey's hands and pulling her up.

Rey sighed as Rose pulled her into her room. "The only thing that's going to happen is I see him and then have to deal with him leaving again. He's leaving in two days."

Rose grabbed the dress, pulling it off the hanger and throwing it to Rey. "Put that on now, please."

Rose walked out, and Rey stared at the dress in her hand. Not thirty seconds later, Rose returned with a hairdryer and brush.

"Dress on."

Rose glared at her until Rey finally shed her t-shirt and yoga pants and pulled the dress over her head. Meanwhile, Rose found the nearest plug and plugged in the hairdryer. Pull Rey's desk chair over, she pointed. "Sit."

Deciding it was best to humor her, Rey sat and allowed Rose to dry her hair. Really, if it came down to it, she could just go to the movies for a couple hours and then come back. Rose would probably give her endless grief over it, but at least then Rey wouldn't have to see Ben in person again.

"I can see the wheels turning in your head." She whipped Rey's phone out of her hand, tapping buttons and then returning it. "I shared your location with my phone. So now I can see whether or not you actually go."

Rey turned and frowned. "Is that really necessary?"

Rose grabbed her head and turned it back to the front, talking over the sound of the hairdryer. "I've known you for just under three years. Yes, it's necessary. And don't think you can just shut it off either. If you do, then I'll scour your last known location."

"Why do you care so much?" Rey crossed her arms, getting irritated with her nosy roommate.

Rose turned off the hairdryer and walked in front of her. "Because I never want to see you that messed up again."

Tears pricked at Rey's eyes over the concern on Rose's face. She blinked rapidly, trying to regain her composure.

"I have lived with you for almost three years and you've never shed a tear. You didn't even cry when we watched Up. Everyone cries when they watch Up. You were nearly inconsolable last night and it broke my heart." She went back behind Rey and turned on the hairdryer. "So, I want you to go get closure."

Rey stared at her wall, digesting Rose's words. Despite her trepidation over the prospect of seeing Ben, of getting answers, her chest warmed at her roommate's concern. She sat quietly for the remainder of the time that Rose took to arrange her hair, pulling it halfway back into a small bun, the rest of her hair curling gently around her shoulders.

When she was done with her hair, Rose came around with mascara and lip gloss. "You're so lucky your skin is so flawless," she said as she twisted open the mascara. "You can get away with nothing but mascara and lip gloss and look like you spent the past thirty minutes getting ready. Honestly it disgusts me."

Rey laughed as she tried not to blink as Rose added the mascara and painted her lips with the lip balm. She announced Rey was ready, pulling Rey's wallet out of her backpack and putting it into a small purse, adding the lip gloss and phone, and handing it to Rey.

Rey took it and then slipped on her heels. She bit her lip as she stared at the door. Rose rolled her eyes and shoved her all the way out the front door, reminding her again that she could see where Rey was at all times. Rey stared at the closed door before taking a deep breath and walking down the stairs to the subway.

When she arrived at Carnegie hall, her heart sped up while simultaneously doing summersaults in her chest. Almost as soon as she walked through the door, she heard her name called. When she looked over, she saw Gwen Phasma making her way over.

The woman had the sort of smile on her face that retail workers had when dealing with a difficult customer.

"Rey," she gestured to the doors leading into the hall, "if you'll follow me please."

Rey swallowed and nodded, her heart now feeling like it was going to beat out of her chest. She wanted to ask the woman outright if she was dating Ben, but didn't want to be rude. If she was dating Ben, then Rey's presence was probably already awkward enough for her. And it wasn't Gwen's fault that Rey was still hung up on Ben, so there was really no cause for making an already awkward and potentially hurtful situation any worse for the woman. Showing Ben's ex-girlfriend to a specially reserved seat would be hurtful enough.

They were all the way down at the first row, when Gwen again gestured towards a seat with a small placard over the back of it with the word "Reserved." Rey pulled it off and sat. Gwen took the placard and nodded at her. "I'll come here to retrieve you at the end of the performance."

Rey nodded her understanding and breathed a sigh of relief as the woman left.

She hardly heard the hum of audience members as she stared at the grand piano and shredded the program in her hand, much as she had done the night before, her heart in her throat. Ben would most definitely be able to see her. The lights likely made it difficult for him to see much beyond the first several rows, but she was quite literally front and center. She crossed and uncrossed her legs, taking out her phone and seeing a text from Rose congratulating her on making it to Carnegie Hall. She rolled her eyes and put her phone back in her purse.

The lights flickered and Rey's mouth grew dry. She felt almost as if she was having a stronger reaction to seeing Ben than she had the previous night. When the lights dimmed permanently, she held her breath, waiting for Ben to walk onto the stage.

* * *

Three Years Ago

Rey, feeling slightly self-conscious in her jeans and sweater, stood off to the side of the small concert auditorium, waiting for Ben. She had said yes almost before the question was out of his mouth when he had asked her to go to his recital and had spent the entire length of it with her mouth hanging open. He had played for her many times in the past few weeks, but she had never seen him in his element before. She had already known he was an amazing artist, but watching him on a stage had been absolutely mesmerizing.

She shifted on her feet, playing with the hem of her sweater as she glanced around the room at the well-dressed people milling around. She hadn't realized anyone would be dressed up, not that she had anything nicer to wear anyway.

Her breath whooshed out in relief when the door opened and Ben walked out, breaking into a smile when he saw her. She smiled before she even realized she had intended to, an effect Ben had on her. A nagging voice in the back of her head worried at how much he had come to mean to her. She had always kept people at a careful distance in the past, knowing all too well what it felt like to be left behind or forced to leave the people you loved. But her connection with Ben had been so strong, so instantaneous, that she had become attached to him before she could force herself to pull away – her usual method of self-preservation.

He walked over to her, forcing her to tilt her head back as he said a soft, "Hi."

Whatever remaining tension she had concerning how she was dressed faded away as she smiled back up at him.

"Hey."

Ben's cheeks turned a little pink as he asked, "What did you think?"

"I've never seen or heard anything like it," Rey said.

He narrowed his eyes slightly. "You're not just saying that?"

She shook her head. "No. Ben, your talent is amazing. I don't think I blinked the whole time."

He exhaled, his shoulders dropping. "Good." He stepped around her, and only then did she notice he was holding her hand, pulling her behind him. "Let's go celebrate."

Rey allowed herself to be pulled along. "Don't you have to talk to people?"

He shrugged. "It's not that big of a deal. They'll all just tell me they liked my playing."

Before Rey could respond, someone called Ben's name. He continued walking as they called him again. Rey pulled him to a stop. "Ben. Someone's calling you."

He froze, exhaling sharply before turning around and looking over Rey's head. Rey turned as an older woman walked up to them.

"You didn't think you'd get away that easily, did you?" the woman asked. She turned a warm smile to Rey, a question in her eyes as she held out her hand and introduced herself. "I'm Leia, Ben's mother."

Rey's eyes widened as shock coursed through her. Ben's mother. Here she was, dressed in second-hand jeans and a sweater, and Ben's mother was right in front of her. She tried to calm her nerves as she nodded at the woman. Ben's fingers tightened on hers when she tried to pull them free, but when she pulled harder, turning to widen her eyes at him, he let go.

She shook Leia's hand. "I'm Rey, Ben's…friend." She tripped over the word and then winced internally. Clearly Leia had no idea Rey existed, and she and Ben had never exactly defined their relationship. But now that she had said it, "friend" didn't even begin to describe her relationship with Ben.

"She's my girlfriend." Ben stepped up next to her, grasping her hand once more, lacing their fingers together.

Surprise flashed through Leia's eyes but was gone so quickly Rey wondered if she had imagined it as the woman smiled warmly at her.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Rey."

Rey tried to smile back. "It's nice to meet you, too."

"Are you a student at Juilliard as well?"

Rey's heart stopped as she took in Leia's fine clothes, the jewelry that was probably real and really expensive, the scent of fine perfume. What would she think about her son dating a homeless girl?

Ben's hand squeezed hers as he replied, "I'm trying to convince Rey to audition for Juilliard, actually."

Leia's eyebrows rose, curiosity in her eyes. "Oh? You're a musician?"

"I –"

Ben cut her off before she could respond. "She plays piano and guitar, though with her talent, I think she could probably play anything she wants."

Rey frowned at him. Why wasn't he letting her answer? Was he ashamed of her background?

"I can speak for myself, thank you."

Ben's mouth parted as his face reddened. Rey looked back at Leia as the older woman chuckled.

"I like her," Leia said.

Rey smiled back at her before the memory of Ben so broken up over what his mother and uncle had done came crashing back to her. Her smile dropped, and she squeezed Ben's hand.

"And I like your son," she said, a corner of her mouth lifting up as she looked up at him. "Very much." Turning back to Leia she hardened her voice. "I've never seen anyone play the way he does. He's got a wonderful talent."

Leia's eyes softened as she glanced between Rey and Ben, settling on Ben with a faint smile. "Yes, he does."

Ben frowned, narrowing his eyes at Leia's compliment. Knowing what she did about their relationship, she could gather what he was thinking. Clearing her throat, she squeezed Ben's hand, turning her eyes back to Leia.

"We need to get going. Ben promised to show me around the campus after his performance. That's where we were headed when you called after him."

Rey tried to keep a neutral expression on her face but could see the understanding in Leia's eyes, that she knew Rey was making up an excuse to leave. The corner of the older woman's lips twitched as she nodded at Rey before patting her son's cheek.

"Very well. You played beautifully, Ben."

Ben's jaw worked, looking as if he was chewing on his words, before he nodded tersely. He looked away, his eyes widening before he turned and, without so much as a goodbye to his mother, pulled Rey behind him.

"Ben, what –"

He cut her off. "I need to leave."

Rey glanced behind her, trying to figure out what he had seen that had spooked him. Her eyes caught on an elderly man, standing with his hand on a cane, watching them leave. A shudder ran through her as Ben pulled her through the door.

Turning back to Ben, she couldn't help but wonder why Ben had been in such a hurry to leave.

* * *

**Today**

Ben felt ready to jump out of his skin as he paced backstage, waiting for the lights to dim, to alert him that it was time to go on stage. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths, but nothing calmed him. He knew he should be focusing on the coming performance rather than meeting Rey afterward, but he could practically play these songs in his sleep, so many times he had played them, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn't keep himself from thinking of Rey. It had been less than twenty-four hours since he had seen her, and yet it had felt like a lifetime.

Phasma's advice clanged around his head. Closure. He needed to know why Rey had left him without so much as a goodbye. Finding out she had been following his career so closely didn't really add up. Why follow him if she had wanted nothing to do with him?

The lights finally dimmed, and he heard the sound of applause as the spotlight moved to his side of the stage. The stage manager gestured him out.

Taking a deep breath, he drew himself up and walked onto the stage, forcing himself to unclench his hands.

The spotlight blinded him, as it always did, hiding most of the audience from him. As he stopped at center stage, he looked to the front row, finding Rey immediately. A strange calmness overcame him as he bowed, holding her wide eyes with his, noting the shredding bits of program in her lap. Somehow, knowing she was just as nervous as him was comforting.

As he had the previous night, he was alerted to his lengthy bow by a cough in the audience. Tearing his eyes away from Rey, he straightened, walking to the piano and sitting. He placed his hands on the keys, closing his eyes for a moment before he began to play.

* * *

**A/N:** Happy New Year! Sorry for the long wait. At least this time I didn't forget to update at the same time as AO3. Instead it was more that TROS left me emotionally dead and then once that passed, I had an existential crisis about this story and my writing...you know, typical writer things. Reviews are always much appreciated. Thanks! :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 **

Today

Ben lost himself in the music, closing his eyes and seeing Rey's face. He could almost feel her gaze on him as his fingers trilled across the keys. He forgot he was playing for a crowd, instead playing as if it were for Rey alone. He recalled all the many times she had asked to hear his music, how he had loved to see the wonder on her face. He wondered what she thought now, if she was still as awed by his music as she had been.

As the last notes faded away, Ben was jolted back to reality by the sudden and raucous applause. Generally, his audiences were more reserved, but tonight he heard whistling, people cheering. He turned, his gaze swinging to Rey immediately. He hated that he had to bow for the audience rather than jumping off the stage and grabbing her.

He knew it would be expected that he play an encore with the crowd going as wild as it was, but now that the time had arrived to meet Rey, he couldn't stand to wait any longer. Bowing once more, he strode off the stage, ignoring everyone as he hurried to his dressing room. Given how Snoke had barged in the previous night, Ben had told Gwen to take Rey to one of the other rooms. He would wait impatiently for Gwen to come retrieve him once Rey was settled.

Opening the door to his dressing room, he barely restrained himself from scowling when he found Snoke sitting, facing the door with his usual brandy in hand.

"What do you want?" He pulled his bowtie loose, tossing it onto the couch, removing his jacket and doing the same.

Snoke appeared unfazed by Ben's attitude. "That was quite the performance, young Solo."

Ben continued undressing, unbuttoning his shirt and tossing it with the rest of his clothes. He pulled on a black knit sweater, shucking his pants and pulling on dark wash jeans.

"You failed once again to give the audience an encore."

Ben rolled his eyes, his head down as he tied his sneakers. "I gave them two hours of my time."

"You're allowing yourself to get distracted again." Snoke's voice had sharpened. Ben looked up to see the man's eyes narrowed. "I won't allow you to get caught up in that girl again."

Ben crossed his arms. "That girl is the reason I played so well tonight. She's not a distraction."

"You nearly passed up the opportunity for fame because of her. I don't want you seeing her."

Before Ben could respond there was a knock at the door, and Gwen walked in. She paused seeing Snoke there before turning to Ben. "She's waiting for you."

Ben grabbed his jacket and walked to the door, pausing to look back at Snoke. "You may have the ability to dictate my professional career, to hold my music hostage, but you don't have the ability to interfere with my personal life."

He turned to leave but turned back again to add one more thing.

"Rey is not a distraction. She's the only thing keeping me sane."

* * *

Three Years Ago

Ben arrived to his session with Luke, trying to tamp down his residual anger. He had skipped an entire week's worth of sessions after finding out about his mother's and uncle's betrayal, but had calmed down enough to know that if he continued skipping classes, he could risk his future at the school.

He stood outside the doorway, taking deep breaths to calm himself when he realized there were voices speaking.

"You're sure you've changed your mind?"

Ben recognized the voice of the dean and frowned.

"Yes," Luke said. "Ben had received some shocking news, and I let my own emotions get the better of me as well. He deserves another chance, not expulsion."

There was a beat of silence before the dean responded. "Very well. But you must make certain he realizes that gravity of his actions. If he loses control again, I'll have no choice but to expel him."

"Understood."

Ben heard the sound of chairs scraping and hurried away, his heart beating rapidly as his mind spun over what he had heard. He hurried down the hall, not wanting to be seen eavesdropping. Rounding a corner, he leaned his head against the wall, blood rushing through his ears.

Luke had tried to expel him. Ben felt something crack in his chest as the news sank in. He closed his eyes, fighting back tears as hurt and anger burned through him. First Luke and his mother had tried to stifle his creativity, and now Luke was trying to completely ruin his future. He didn't know why he was so surprised or why the realization made him feel as though someone had punched him in the chest. His relationship with Luke had always been tolerant at best and turbulent at worst, but it still hurt realize how little Luke cared for him.

He pushed off the wall, striding towards the practice room, throwing the door open so hard that it banged against the wall and caused Luke to jump.

"You were going to expel me?"

Surprise flashed through Luke's features. "How do you know that?"

"Why does it matter?" Ben was trying to keep his voice steady, but it rose, warbling with his unshed tears.

Luke's brows drew together, guilt in his expression. "I withdrew the petition. I made it when I was angry after our last argument."

"You're my uncle!"

Luke flinched at Ben's outburst. "Ben –"

Ben pointed at him, cutting him off. "No. You don't get to apologize this time. You are supposed to be my family, and all you have done is undermine me and try to ruin my life." He bared his teeth as a tear escaped, tracing a path down his cheek. "I am done. You've won. You'll never have to teach me again because I'm dropping out."

Ben turned, walking out, ignoring his uncle's calls behind him. It was all he could do not to punch Luke, to not trash everything in the room. He slung his backpack over his shoulder, slamming the door behind him.

He walked onto the street, turning randomly, not paying attention to anything, his mind spinning over the fact that Luke had wanted him expelled. He wondered if his mother had known. He scoffed. Of course, she knew. There is no way that Luke would have done that without telling Leia.

He hated how much it hurt, that he still craved the approval of his parents and Luke when they continually proved how little they cared for him.

He glanced up, only then realizing he had walked all the way to Central Park, to Rey. He rounded a corner to see her playing to a sizable crowd. Much as he had done when he first discovered her, he kept to the back of the crowd, watching her in her element.

He swallowed a lump in his throat as it hit him how much he loved her. Rey had never tried to undermine him. She was supportive of his music, repeatedly assuring him she found his compositions amazing. She could calm him with nothing more than a hand on his cheek and sympathetic eyes. He felt the muscles in his neck and shoulders relax just watching her.

When she was finished, there was applause as the crowd stepped forward, dropping money into her hat. She didn't notice him until most of the crowd had dispersed.

Her face lit up before dropping into a frown. She scooped up the hat and walked over to him.

"Ben, what's wrong."

Instead of answering, Ben wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

He felt like a man possessed, pulling Rey close, her hat of money crushed between them. Her initial surprise faded quickly, her free arm wrapping around his neck as she stood on her tip toes. He felt something ease in his chest at her enthusiastic return of affection. She didn't expect him to be something he wasn't. She knew immediately when something was wrong.

He pulled away when a sob left his mouth, burying his head in her neck, pressing his lips together and holding his breath in an attempt to quell his tears. He squeezed her close, crushing her to him as she ran a hand up and down his back.

"Ben, what happened?" He heard the concern as she whispered in his ear.

He shook his head, fearing that if he tried to speak, he'd break down entirely. Rey gently pushed against his chest, but Ben only held her closer until she pushed harder. He pulled away, scrubbing his face.

"I'm sorry." His voice was unsteady and rasping. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I came here."

A crease formed between Rey's brows as she watched him. "Hang on a second." She waited for him to nod before she tossed the hat of money in her guitar case and closed it. She slung it over her shoulder and the walked the few steps back to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him to a bench off to the side.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

He hesitated, watching her and wondering if he should even bother burdening her with his problems. Compared to her life, living in an abandoned building and surviving on tips, his problems seemed inconsequential.

She sighed. "I can see you thinking. Ben, you don't have to worry that I'll think you're spoiled rich kind. You're allowed to be upset at things. A person who drowns in ten feet of water is no less dead than the person who drowns in a hundred feet."

He stared at her. "You're amazing."

She rolled her eyes, but he caught her chin, holding her gaze. "I mean it. You're so amazing. You have been dealt a shit hand in life, and somehow it doesn't affect you. You're the happiest person I know and the only one who is homeless. How do you do it?"

She looked between his eyes, her face flushing as he brushed his thumb across her cheekbone.

"I do it because if I don't, I'll never survive."

Ben dropped his hand, frowning. It had never occurred to him that Rey was using happiness as a coping mechanism.

"My parents died, leaving me alone in a foreign country with no relatives. I was moved from house to house, losing friend after friend, eventually holding myself apart, knowing it was inevitable I'd be separated from every friend I made. I worked because my last foster father wouldn't pay for anything like new clothes, and forget going to the movies. I came to New York with the last of my money, knowing I'd be homeless, because the alternative was staying in that small town, where I had purposely made no friends, and would probably end up on drugs and/or pregnant from sheer boredom. Everyone I've ever loved has left me." She looked away, taking a deep breath before looking back at him. "I'm happy because if I stop to think about any one of those things, I'm likely to sink into a depression I might never get out of."

She squeezed his hand. "But none of that means that your problems aren't valid. Just because you had tutors and nannies and money doesn't mean you automatically have a great life. Money buys a lot of things, but it can never buy family and friends, love, the things that really matter."

Ben stared at her, feeling like he had a hole in his chest just hearing about her childhood, how lonely it must have been. He understood how soul sucking loneliness was, never having friends of his own growing up.

He took a deep breath, holding it in his lungs before exhaling sharply. "It's a long story. Come to my apartment? I'll make you tea and tell you there."

He pulled her up as she eyed him, concern still etched on her features. It only then occurred to him that she had never been to his apartment. Whenever he suggested going there – to eat, watch a movie, etc. – she always suggested something else. Going to a coffeehouse. Seeing a movie on the big screen.

A thread of unease unfurled at the realization that maybe she meant more to him than he meant to her. Why else would she have refused? After her speech about keeping people at a distance, maybe he was just something fun to do; spend time with the rich kid and internally roll your eyes at his problems.

When Rey bit her lip and nodded, he shook his head, blinking rapidly to dispel his line of thinking.

He was being ridiculous. His emotions were all over the place, but Rey had never given him any indication that she didn't care for him like he did for her.

He threaded his fingers through hers and started walking.

They walked in silence to the subway, Ben lost in his thoughts, his anger and hurt rushing back to the surface as he relived his confrontation with Luke over and over. He was still lost in his mind when he unlocked the door to his apartment and stepped through.

He dropped his keys on the table by the door, Rey bringing him back to the present when she spoke.

"It's smaller than I thought it would be."

Ben huffed a laugh, looking around. "Did you expect me to be living in a penthouse?"

A corner of her mouth lifted as she walked to his window, which featured a view of the building next door. "Well, at least something with a view. I can see straight into that person's bathroom."

Ben felt himself relax as he went to the kitchen to boil water. He had bought tea after meeting Rey, expecting to have her over at some point. He reached to the top shelf, pulling down the box and setting it on the counter.

"There are different kinds. I don't know what you like so I bought a variety box."

Rey turned from the window, a faint smile on her face. "I'm not that picky, so long as my tea isn't coffee." She rifled through the box, pulling out the bags to read the flavors, settling on a simple Earl Grey.

Ben leaned against a counter, arms crossed as he watched her. The realization that he loved this little slice of domesticity hit him square in the face.

"Move in with me," he said. The words tumbled out before he thought them through, but since it was out there, he didn't want to take it back. He knew he loved Rey, though he supposed perhaps he should have led with that, since he hadn't told her yet. But living together would at least get her off the street. He had an extra bedroom, so if she didn't want to share his, she didn't have to.

Rey's head had snapped up. She stared at him with her eyebrows raised. "I'm sorry, what?"

He pushed off the edge of the counter, grabbing her hand, tracing her fingers with his. "I want to live with you." He looked around. "If the apartment's too small, we can look for another one."

"Ben, I live in an abandoned building. I'm not picky about the size of your apartment."

"Then what is it?" He swallowed, his chest tightening at Rey's reaction.

"We hardly know each other. We met – what – three? Four months ago? We haven't even had sex."

Ben snorted. "Not for lack of trying on my part," he mumbled, cracking a smile when Rey rolled her eyes, a smile playing on her lips as well.

She grabbed the hand still playing with hers, cupping it between hers. His looked comically large in her small, slender ones. "I'm just saying that I think it's too soon to be moving in together. And I'm not agreeing to anything until you tell me what happened earlier."

The smile slipped from his mouth. He pulled his hand out of Rey's and walked over to the small sofa, flopping down on one end, leaning his head back and staring at the ceiling. Rey followed, stirring her tea, sitting on the other end.

He took a deep breath. "Luke tried to have me expelled."

He turned his head, seeing Rey blinking at him with her mouth parted.

"He what?"

Ben laughed humorlessly. "First he tried to stifle my creativity, to shove me into some box he and my mother decided I should fit into, to save me from a supposed life of depravity, and then when I got angry about that, he tried to have me expelled."

"Maker, Ben."

She set her tea down and scooted closer to him. He pressed his lips together, closing his eyes as another wave of tears hit him.

"My own uncle –" He cut off as his voice became unsteady.

He squeezed his eyes shut when Rey wrapped her arms around him. He squeezed her tightly in return, pulling her onto his lap and hiding his face in the crook of her neck. He held his breath, trying to stop his tears, but they leaked out of the corners of his eyes anyway. Rey said nothing, running a soothing hand up and down his back.

Rey was all he had now. He had never really had his parents and his uncle hadn't exactly been his biggest fan, but they had at least been family. Now, however, knowing that his mother and uncle had been using him as revenge against their father, that his father had allowed it, that his uncle had tried to ruin his future, he no longer wanted anything to do with any of them. None of them loved him. And they had never allowed him the time or opportunity to make friends. Rey was all he had.

He snorted softly, subconsciously playing with Rey's hair, at the realization that some random homeless girl meant more to him than his own family. That she cared for him more than his family did. It was a depressing thought.

He slowly pulled back. Rey's eyes were wary and concerned, as if she was waiting for him to break down further. He cupped either side of her cheek, threading his fingers into her hair.

"I love you."

Her lips parted as her breath caught. "Ben –"

"I know what you're going to say," he said. "That I'm too emotional, not in the right headspace to make that sort of claim, but you're wrong. I'm not in the wrong headspace. I feel like I'm finally in the right one. And I don't expect you to say it back, because I know you think it's too soon. And that's fine. I can wait, but I needed you to know it. I needed to say it. So," he brushed his thumb along her bottom lip, "I love you."

He looked back to her eyes, finding them wide, looking vaguely like a deer caught in the headlights. He frowned at the panicked expression on her face. His stomach dropped, and he cursed internally. He had just royally screwed up.

He dropped his hands, shaking his head. "Never mind. Just forget I said anything."

He looked down, putting his hands on her waist to move her off his lap, but she caught his wrists.

"No."

He looked up, surprised. Rey was watching him through narrowed eyes.

"You have no idea what I think." Her voice was hardly above a whisper, but it still held a note ferocity.

He blinked at her. "What?"

She shook her head again. "You said you know I think it's too soon, but you're wrong. That's not what I think."

He froze. "What – What are you saying?"

Her face relaxed as she leaned forward, brushing her lips against his. "I'm saying I love you, Ben Solo."

His heart stopped. The world stopped. Time stopped.

"What?" It was like his brain had an inability to compute her declaration. He stared at her, mouth open. "Did you just – say you love me?"

She pulled back, laughter in her eyes. "Well, you said it to me first. It'd be rude not to return the sentiment."

Abruptly time, the world, and his heart all restarted, his heart beating so hard he was surprised she couldn't see it popping out of his chest like some sort of cartoon. He crushed his lips to hers, happiness blooming in his chest, expanding like a balloon, until he thought they might both float to the ceiling. His fingers skimmed her waist just under her shirt as she wrapped both arms around him.

He forgot everything then, all his problems fading into the background as he savored the moment. She had told him she loved him. His fear that she meant more to him than he meant to her dissipated as she returned his kisses eagerly, her fingers threading through his hair.

Eventually, after who even knew how long, she pulled away, both of them breathing heavily. He watched her, his hands still skimming her waist. She returned his stare, biting her lip. Her cheeks were flushed as she looked away, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before she turned back to him.

"Show me your bedroom?"

Ben blinked rapidly, his mouth dropping open as he realized what she was asking.

Abruptly, he grabbed her waist, lifting her off him so he could stand, and then grabbed her hand and pulled her behind him as he powerwalked the fifteen or so steps to his bedroom door.

* * *

Today

Rey jumped when the crowd started cheering, everyone immediately rising from their seats. She stood with them, her eyes glued to Ben, who looked equally startled by the noise. She brushed her hands across her cheeks, wiping away tears. Ben's music could hardly be called sad, but the emotion he had put into the performance had completely bowled her over. She hadn't taken her eyes off him and wondered how she had even remembered to breathe.

He stood, bowing quickly and exiting just as quick, despite the very enthusiastic applause. Only then did Rey remember she was there to meet him, to confront him. She sat down, feeling vaguely nauseated, and repeated to herself that she needed to find out why he left, that she needed closure.

Gwen Phasma appeared as if out of thin air. "Rey, if you'll follow me."

Rey nodded, swallowing thickly as her stomach turned.

She was being ridiculous. Why was she so nervous when she had already seen him the previous night? She spent the remainder of the walk berating herself for being so ridiculous and repeating that she just needed to get closure so she could finally move on with her life.

The problem was, that thought depressed her.

Gwen stopped, holding a door open and gesturing inside. "Wait here, please."

Rey glanced up at the towering woman as she passed, taking note of her hard expression. She turned to thank her but she was already gone, leaving Rey to stand in the middle of the room.

Gwen's hard expression reminded Rey that Ben had already moved on, that he had a girlfriend. No matter what Rose said, the look Gwen gave her confirmed it.

She paced as she thought through everything that had happened the past few days. She should definitely cancel their coffee date – she cringed at the word "date" – because it wasn't fair to Gwen for Ben to be spending time with his ex. She would simply ask him her questions, get the closure she needed, and then leave.

Her breath caught, and she felt like something was pressing on her chest at the thought, but she shoved it away. It was time she got answers and then got on with her life. Maybe join a dating app or let Rose set her up.

The door opened abruptly, startling her out of her thoughts. She turned, all her thoughts of closure leaving her head as Ben stepped inside the room and closed the door. He turned to her, and they both stared. Her pulse quickened, the blood rushing in her ears as the pull to go to him, to touch him, to say she didn't even care that he had left her, became nearly unbearable. She felt magnetized towards him, clenching her fists to keep herself from walking to him.

He cleared his throat. "Shall we get going?"

His question reminded Rey of her plan. She looked away. "I don't think this is a good idea."

She looked up when he didn't respond, finding his face blank, an unreadable emotion behind his eyes.

"Why?" His voice came out sharp, causing her to wince.

"Ben, you have a girlfriend. I don't think it's fair to Gwen for you to take me – to coffee." She had nearly said "on a date."

Ben blinked at her, his blank expression morphing into confusion. After a prolonged moment he said, "Gwen is not my girlfriend, she's my PA."

Rey stared at him, trying to compute what he had said. "What?"

He took a step towards her. "Gwen's my personal assistant."

Shock and relief pulsed through her, leaving her feeling a little unsteady. She might have even swayed because Ben rushed forward, grasping her arm.

"Are you ok?"

She looked up, blinking rapidly at how close he was, his hand on her arm, his body mere inches from hers. She saw him recoil, looking equally shocked by their nearness. He dropped her arm and took a step back.

"Sorry."

He ran a hand through his hair as Rey tried to calm her racing heart. It had to be unhealthy to be so affected by him after three years.

"She's not your girlfriend?" She winced internally at her hopeful tone.

Ben shook his head so rapidly it was almost comical. "No. I –" He swallowed. "I haven't dated – had time to date anyone."

"Oh."

She felt like dancing a jig, struggling to keep a smile of her face at the news that Ben hadn't been dating someone for the past several years. Though it did beg the question of why Gwen seemed to dislike her. The urge to smile fell as she remembered that regardless of whether Ben had a girlfriend or not, he had chosen to leave her. She still needed her answers.

She cleared her throat. "In that case, I guess we should get to the coffeehouse."

Ben stared at her for a beat before nodding, walking to the door and holding it open for her. The hallway was filled with people moving about, doing who even knew what, which left Rey to trail behind Ben, practically skipping to keep up with his long-legged powerwalk. Neither spoke, though Ben did keep glancing back, as if to check whether she was still behind him.

He opened a door at the end of the hall, leading outside into an alleyway. He held the door and as Rey passed by, she could swear she felt his hand on her back, guiding her. She crossed her arms, hugging herself as they walked to the sidewalk. Ben shoved his hands in his pockets as he led them towards whatever establishment he had picked out.

The silence felt awkward, standing in stark reality against their once easy comfort with one another. The temperature was cooler than when Rey had left, her light sweater not quite doing the job. She shivered, hugging her arms closer as a chill breeze blew past them.

Her head whipped around when she felt a jacket being draped across her shoulders. She nearly took it off, but Ben glared at her hard enough that she instead turned and kept walking.

"Thank you."

She'd have been lying if she said that she didn't feel herself relax, sliding her hands into the warm sleeves, so long that they went past her hands. She inhaled, smelling Ben's familiar cologne, pretending to look at shop windows just so she could inhale again without being completely obvious.

"In here."

Ben held open the door once more as Rey walked in. This time she knew his hand brushing her back, guiding her, because she could feel the heat radiating off of him.

He maneuvered them to a pair of leather armchairs in the back, the low lighting and lack of surrounding tables affording them some privacy. Rey slid his jacket off her shoulders, already missing the warmth, and wordlessly handed it back to him as she sat. A server came by for their orders and when she left, silence descended on them once more.

She tried to convince herself to ask why he had left. She deserved to know. She knew she did. And she wanted to know. His leaving had left her a shell of a person, the straw that broke the camel's back of abandonment. She had never allowed herself to get close to someone like she had with Ben. She had been in love with him, had been told he loved her as well, and yet he had left her without so much as a goodbye. She deserved closure.

"You look good."

Rey was jolted out of her pep talk by Ben's statement. He was leaning back in his chair, watching her. If his knee hadn't been bouncing, she might have thought he wasn't nervous.

"Um. Thanks. You look good too."

She said the words out of politeness, but then frowned as she looked at him – really looked at him. He was leaner than she remembered, and he looked like he had aged more than three years.

He leaned an elbow on the arm of the chair, resting his fist against his head. "What have you been up to?"

A corner of Rey's mouth went up. "I've been studying music at Juilliard."

A smile broke out on Ben's face. "Yeah? That's fantastic!"

Rey couldn't help but smile in return at the look of sheer happiness on Ben's face. "Yeah, it is pretty great." She exhaled and sat back, relaxing into the leather. "I love it. I love being there."

"I'm so happy for you, Rey." A bit of sadness entered his eyes, but his smile was genuine enough. "What are you planning to do once you graduate?"

"I'm hoping to join the New York Symphony. Or really any symphony."

Ben frowned, looking bemused. "With your talent, you want to hide away in a symphony?"

Rey returned his frown. "It's not hiding away. And it's what I love. I love playing with a group, not sitting, terrified of making a mistake when I'm on my own."

"You'll get paid nothing."

Before Rey could respond, the server returned with their drinks. Without thining, Rey brought the tea to her lips, hissing as it scalded its way down her throat.

"Dammit!" She set the tea down, hand on her throat.

"Are you ok?" Ben had set his own cup down and was leaning towards her, looking concerned.

"I'm fine," she snapped. "And I don't care about making money. You should know that. I just care about being able to play music. Not everyone wants to give their entire life up in pursuit of fame and fortune."

She stood up, slinging her purse over her shoulder. "This was a bad idea." Ben's mouth hung open as she said "Thanks for the tea, but I think it's best we stop trying to pretend that we're friends and leave well enough alone."

She strode towards the door, shoving out into the night air, which now felt refreshing on her flushed face. She tried to get her bearings. She hadn't been paying much attention to where they were going as Ben led them hear.

"Shit." She pulled out her phone, opening her maps app to figure out which subway entrance was nearest.

"Rey."

She tensed as Ben stepped in front of her, raising his hands like he was going to rest them on her arms, but then dropped them.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult what you're doing. You know I'm terrible at social interactions. I always say the wrong thing when I'm nervous. I just – I was so happy to see you yesterday."

Rey stared stupidly at him. "You were nervous?"

Ben snorted. "Very." He looked away, clearing his throat. "And for what it's worth, I think any symphony would be lucky to have you."

Rey exhaled. "Thank you. But I still should get going. I have classes in the morning, and –" She steeled herself, tilting her chin up and straightening her spine in an attempt to appear confident. "And I think it's probably best if we resumed being merely exes. You're leaving after tomorrow's performance, anyway."

Rey tried to ignore the crestfallen look on his face at her words, but felt her heart cracking nonetheless.

"If that's what you want."

She forced herself to nod, ignoring the strong urge to take everything back. "Yes."

"Can I at least walk you to your apartment?"

She nearly said no, needing to get away before her will crumbled and she really did retract everything, but Ben's hopeful eyes had her nodding instead. "Yeah, ok."

They walked in silence once more, Rey lost in her thoughts, warring with herself. Rose would no doubt give her endless grief if she never asked Ben why he had left, but in the end, did it even matter? He had left her, and the reason why wasn't going to change the past. If anything, it might make her feel worse, and the last thing she needed was to slide into depression right before her recital.

As they walked, their hands kept brushing together, sending sparks of sensation up her arm. Occasionally the crowd would thicken, and Rey would end up being shoved into him, her breath catching each time he grasped her arm, a hand on her back as he tried to steady her. She was grateful when they reached the subway, but when they sat, her entire right side was touching his. She ignored the urge to lean against him, instead clenching her hands into fists in her lap. She didn't look at him, not wanting to see whether he noticed how affected she was.

She was both relieved and sad when they reached her street. They stopped outside the steps in front of the building. She took a big breath, turning towards him. Dread over the fact that once they parted, they would go back to never seeing each other, fell over her.

She was surprised to see a similar emotion in his eyes when she finally gathered the courage to look up at him. But it was for the best, for the both of them. They were both doing what they loved, and unfortunately what Ben loved was traveling globally, playing for crowds.

She looked away. "Um. I guess I should go now."

She chanced another glance at his face, her resolve cracking at the look on his face.

"Ok." His voice was hoarse.

They stood there a beat longer before Rey turned, swallowing at the tears that pricked at her eyes as she started up the steps.

"Rey."

She turned around as Ben strode towards her, wrapping his arm around her waist, his other hand cupping her jaw, fingers threading through her hair as he crushed his lips to hers.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks so much for all the kind reviews on the last chapter! 3 To set everyone at ease, I have this fic storyboarded and have every intention of finishing it. I spent way too much time planning this to give it up. I suffer from social anxiety and performance anxiety and am a terrible perfectionist, so occasionally I have to talk myself down from the idea that I'm a terrible writer and everyone is just being nice. Anxiety is an illogical beast and I hate it. Anyway! Thanks so much again. :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note:** First, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who reads this fic, to those that leave reviews. I don't necessarily write just to get a response, but the support definitely helps keep me motivated to write. It keeps the process fun.

Second, for my own sanity (not because anyone has been negative to me), I just want to say that I know everyone is anxious to get to the part where Rey and Ben have their talk. I'm just as anxious to get there myself. I've kind of let it get into my head a bit, making writing a little difficult, hence why chapters are taking longer to put out there. So I wanted to let you all know that I revised my outline, doing everything I could to move up that chat. I received some great advice once that said when you're doing the miscommunication trope you need to constantly be asking yourself "Why can't they talk now." And honestly it's been phenomenal advice. I also had Shestoolazytologin, my Alpha reader, take a look at my outline to make sure I couldn't move that talk up any sooner. She agreed that I got it as close as I could without unraveling my plot. (I didn't actually delete plot points, just moved a few things around)

Also, I think part of why we're all anxious to get to this talk, aside from the obvious, is because it feels like they're taking forever. And I think the fact that the passing of time is different between the past and present is mostly to blame. In the past, it's been months since Rey and Ben met. In the present, at the start of this chapter, Ben and Rey only reconnected 24 hours ago.

So, again, I don't say this because anyone has been overtly negative to me, but my own anxiety was starting to get the better of me and I think just informing you guys that I can feel your desire to get to the part where they talk and am doing everything I can to get there quickly will help get me out of my own head. Also, while I"m not one to provide spoilers to my fic, I think it might also be helpful to know that once Rey and Ben do clear the air, that that is the end of the drama between them. All drama after that is external in nature. There won't be anymore big moments tearing them apart.

Again, thank you all so much for your support! :)

* * *

**Chapter 13 **

Today

_I think it's best we stop trying to pretend that we're friends and leave well enough alone._

The words played on a loop in Ben's head as he hugged Rey closer, moving his lips over hers. He felt like he had been drowning and had finally broken through the surface of the water, air filling his lungs, reminding him what it's like to feel alive.

Rey's hands came up to his arms, her fingers grasping at the fabric as if she wasn't sure if she wanted to push him away or draw him closer.

_I think it's best we stop trying to pretend that we're friends and leave well enough alone._

He couldn't. Losing Rey had been more than losing a lover. He had lost the first and only – aside from Gwen – friend he had had, and he missed her. He knew he had missed her, had not been deluded enough to try to convince himself that he didn't, but what he hadn't been able to put into words, even in the company of his own thoughts, was how much he missed her friendship, the comfort he had felt around her, his ability to talk to her about anything. He couldn't lose her again. Not now that he was reminded of what being with her was like.

After several long moments, Rey seemed to come to a decision, sliding her hands from his arms to around his back and pressing herself closer to him. She made a sound in the back of her throat, sounding desperate as she squeezed her arms together, as if unsatisfied with her inability to fuse herself to him.

Ben forgot everything Gwen had said, forgot he should be finding out why Rey left him in the first place, should be protecting his heart from further damage. The problem was that he no longer cared. His heart had been shredded for so long, first by his family and then by Rey, that he no longer cared about anything but this intoxicating feeling that kissing Rey elicited. He could almost see his heart being sewn back together in his mind's eye, each moment his lips moved over hers a stitch in the fabric.

He had nearly forgotten what being with Rey was like, how intoxicating she was, what attraction felt like. Over the time since he had left New York, the memories had become fuzzed at the edges until he had nothing but the memory of the memory of the feeling. Nothing could have prepared him for being with her again, feeling her lips on his again.

Finally, the need for real, physical air became too much. He pulled away, resting his forehead against hers, his hands on either side of her face, closing his eyes. She smelled faintly of soap, her hair brushing against his hands as a breeze blew past them.

He was gasping for air as if he had just run a mile.

A chill fear ran down his spine that the moment would be broken, that she would pull away and tell him she had to leave. He moved his hands from her face, one sliding around to cup her head, the other to her back, hugging her to him, tucking her head beneath his chin. She didn't protest, instead squeezing her own arms tightly around him. He felt her breath whispering across his skin, felt her lips moving, but the fear of breaking the moment overruled his curiosity over what she was saying.

Only when a shiver ran through her did he remember that it was cold, and she hadn't brought a jacket with her. He pulled away just enough to look down at her. She tilted her head up, her eyes wary.

"Come with me to my hotel." His voice was so soft, it was a wonder she could hear him over the noise of city traffic.

She swallowed. "Rose is expecting me back. She'll get worried."

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You have a phone?"

She nodded.

"Text her," he said.

Ben held his breath, waiting for her to say no, to pull away. She stared up at him, her expression conflicted. His gaze dropped to her lips. She had her bottom lip caught between her teeth, and the pull to kiss her again nearly made him forget he was awaiting an answer from her.

"Ok."

The whispered word hung between them for a moment before happiness ballooned in Ben's chest, and he kissed her again, now frantic, kissing first her lips, then the corners, then peppering kisses along her face, her cheeks, her eyelids, her forehead, her nose, before capturing her lips once more. He felt Rey smiling against his lips, and when he finally pulled away, he grinned.

He stepped back, one hand reaching for his phone to call a car, his other sliding down to grasp hers.

"What's your address," he asked.

After she told him, he texted it to Gwen, slid his phone back into his pocket, and then leaned down to capture Rey's lips again. Now that he had finally kissed her again, he never wanted to stop. He ignored the voice in the back of his head reminding him that he was leaving in less than thirty-six hours. He couldn't think that far ahead. The thought of leaving again, of leaving Rey behind, would make him go crazy. Instead, he focused on the present, the feel of Rey in his arms, returning his kisses with equal fervor, her hands sliding into his jacket and around to his back, pressing herself close again.

They kissed, blissfully unaware of their surroundings, of the people walking past, some whistling, some grousing at them to get a room.

"Mr. Ren?"

They broke apart, both surprised that the car had arrived so quickly. Ben nodded at the driver, tugging Rey to the door the driver held open, letting her slip inside before following her. She secured her seatbelt before he had even settled, pulling out her phone as he secured his own seatbelt and typing as he gave the driver the name of his hotel. He pushed a button to raise the partition between them, wanting privacy.

Rey tucked her phone away, grabbing his face as he turned to her, and pulling him down to kiss her again. He twisted in his seat, irritated at the hindrance of the safety device as he struggled to pull Rey near, one hand at her waist, the other threading into her hair.

They kissed the entirety of the ride, alternating between slow and sweet and frantic.

Ben hardly allowed himself to believe this was really happening. He had resisted coming to New York for three years, but had he known that there was even a shred of possibility that a return trip would have yielded these results, he would have returned much sooner. He had thought he'd never see Rey again – had had no way of contacting her since she hadn't had a phone last he knew her – but she had found her way to him instead. He wanted to meet these friends who had purchased tickets for her, who had purchased tickets so close to the stage, to him. He wanted to thank them. He couldn't even follow the line of thinking wondering what would have happened if they hadn't.

He would likely have spent the rest of his life alone. It had been three years, plenty of time for him to have moved on, and yet his emotions felt just as strong as the last time he had seen her. He had never stopped loving her, not even in the face of her apparent indifference, leaving him without a word.

He heard Gwen in his mind, telling him to pull away and clear the air before he slept with her, but as he often did the real Gwen, he told her voice to shut up.

He only realized they had arrived at the hotel when the car door opened, blasting cold air into their space. He broke away from her reluctantly, unbuckling his seatbelt as he slid his hand down to grasp hers. He waited for her to free herself of her own seatbelt before sliding out of the car, refusing to let go of her hand. He pulled her out of the car and up to him, kissing her again.

They stood in front of the door of the hotel, ignoring everyone and everything around them. Eventually, Rey pulled away, laughing softly when he made a noise of protest. Her fingers scraped against his neck, playing with his hair there.

"It's cold out here."

Ben cursed. "Right." He pulled away, once more grabbing her hand, lacing her slim fingers through his. "Let's go inside."

He pulled Rey to the door, glancing around, only then remembering that the paparazzi could be lurking. Thankfully it seemed that they had not been noticed. He strode to the elevator, punching the button and glancing around. He cursed when he saw several people looking their way, praying that they would respect his privacy. He turned back, punching the button again, resisting the urge to kiss Rey again, worried about tabloid gossip. He saw her glancing around and wondered if she had realized the danger of his being recognized as well.

After an eternity, the doors finally opened. He pulled Rey inside, hitting the close door button. Once the doors were safely closed, blocking out prying eyes, he turned. Rey turned at the same time, their lips crashing together. He turned her, pressing her against the elevator. She stood on her toes, her arms circled around his neck. Unlike the suffocation he had been feeling the past three years, this lack of oxygen only made him feel more alive.

Before he even realized the elevator had slowed, there was a dinging noise and the doors parted. He broke away, grasping Rey's hand and nearly running to his door, cursing as he checked his pockets for the key. He could hardly manage getting the card into the slot, his hands shaking. He cursed and heard Rey laugh. Finally, when he was about two seconds from kicking the door in, he managed to get the card into the slot.

He opened the door, hurrying inside, pulling Rey behind him, and not even waiting for it to close before kissing her again.

* * *

Three Years Ago

Ben woke to a hand lightly skimming from his temple to his chin. His lips curved up as he opened his eyes, catching Rey's wrist and placing kisses on her fingertips.

"Hi."

Rey bit her lip, smiling. "Hi."

His tone turned rueful. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

She shook her head. "No. I understand. You had a pretty intense day." She pulled her hand out of his and ran her fingers through the hair at his temple. "I'm not surprised you're exhausted."

"I like your method of relaxing me."

He smirked when she snorted and swatted him lightly on the head.

Before Ben could pull Rey into a kiss, there was a loud knock at the door. He frowned. He wasn't expecting anyone. The knock sounded again, louder and longer.

Sighing, he got up, pulling on pants and a shirt as he walked to the door. Pulling it open, he blinked in surprise.

"Mom?"

His mother stood in front of him, an expression he hadn't seen before on her face. She looked nervous…perhaps guilty.

"We need to talk."

She made to walk past him, but he planted his feet, crossing his arms as the anger and betrayal he had shoved aside came flooding back.

"If you're here to make more excuses for Luke, then you're wasting your time."

She exhaled sharply through her nose. "I am not. Would you please let me in?"

Ben was so surprised by her answer that he stumbled back as she pushed past him.

"Ben? Is everything –" Rey came out of the hallway, stopping when she saw his mother.

Leia glanced at him before speaking to Rey. "I apologize. I came by unannounced. I didn't realize Ben had a – visitor."

He could feel the tips of his ears burning and chided himself. He was an adult. He lived in his own apartment. What he did and with whom was none of his mother's business. He walked over to Rey as she stuttered, her face turning red.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have – I should leave you two – I should go."

Ben shook his head. "No. You don't have to leave. Please stay." He glanced at his mother with a frown. "Whatever my mother has to say, she can say in front of you."

Leia's mouth pressed into a firm line, but she didn't contradict him.

"No," Rey said as he turned back to her. "I don't want to get into the middle of anything. I should be going anyway."

He exhaled, frustrated. "To where? An abandoned building?"

She recoiled, hurt flashing over her face.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, cursing as he sighed. "I didn't mean – that wasn't meant to sound like that. I just meant you can stay here."

A corner of her mouth turned up, but he could see the hurt in her eyes. He wanted to kick himself, maybe trash his apartment. His family always did this to him. They turned him into some kind of monster just by being present.

"No," Rey said. "It's fine. I'm going to leave you to sort things with your mom." She nodded at Leia as she grabbed her guitar by the door and walked out.

Leia nodded back, frowning at the closed door. Turning back to Ben, she asked, "Where did you say you met Rey?"

Ben ground his teeth together, narrowing his eyes as he once more crossed his arms. "I didn't, and we're not talking about Rey. Tell me whatever it is that you came here to say and leave."

His mother regarded him with a frown before turning and walking into his kitchen. Ben was so surprised, he could only blink at her.

"What are you doing?"

"I want some tea. Do you have any?" Leia grabbed the kettle off his stove and filled it with water. Ben watched her, his brain trying to make sense of the picture of his mother preparing tea. He didn't think he'd ever seen her in a kitchen, let alone making anything.

"Ben."

He blinked rapidly, shaking his head slightly, before going to the cabinet to pull down the box of tea, handing it to her.

"I didn't know you knew how to make tea."

Leia snorted. "I can boil water, thank you. I'm not incompetent."

"I never said you were." Ben stood in the center of the kitchen, watching his mother set the kettle on the stove and turn it on. "But I don't think I've ever seen you in the kitchen before."

He watched Leia inhale deeply before she turned towards him, clasping her hands in front of her. "Yes, well, with Threepio around, I didn't really need to make anything myself."

Ben blinked at her, his brows drawing together as he once more saw the nervous and/or guilty look in her eyes.

"Why are you here?"

Leia lifted her chin slightly. "Luke informed me of what happened this afternoon."

Ben barely restrained himself from baring his teeth. "You mean how I found out that he hates me so much that he was trying to have me expelled?"

"Luke doesn't hate you –"

"Stop taking his side!" Ben startled even himself at the volume of his voice, nearly echoing through the apartment.

"I'm not taking his side," Leia said. He might have thought she was calm had he not noticed her knuckles whitening as she gripped her hands in front of her.

Ben laughed, his voice sounding hollow. "Yeah right. You always do. The two of you schemed to ruin my future, trying to squash something I love, just to get back at your father, whom is dead, by the way. Don't tell me that Luke didn't come to inform you he was going to try to have me expelled. You may not realize it, given how little time you spent with me, but I'm not stupid."

"You're right," Leia said. "He did come to me. And I told him he couldn't expel you."

Ben blinked at her, some of his anger dissipating. "What?"

Leia took a step towards him, watching him as if he were some wild animal, ready to bolt at the first sign of danger.

"I know that we haven't always had the best relationship…or really any relationship, and that's my fault. I prioritized my business over my family, and I will regret doing so for the rest of my life." She pressed her lips together and moment before continuing. "I only want good things for you. You must believe that."

Ben didn't answer, frowning at her as he processed not only her words but the pleading look in her eyes.

"Don't withdraw from school," she said. "I'll speak with the dean and have you moved from Luke's class. You don't have to work with him ever again. But please don't throw your future away."

Ben clenched his jaw, trying to hold back the tears that sprang into his eyes. He was so pathetic. His mother hadn't given a damn about him his entire life, and the first time she shows signs that she might actually care, he laps it up. He should be furious with her for her neglect. He should want to rage at her for never being there, for coming to him too little too late. Instead, he wanted to nod and hug her.

He swallowed, running a hand through his hair. "Fine."

The kettle started whistling on the stove. Leia looked at him a moment longer before turning to turn off the stove, setting the kettle to the side. Turning back, she ran her hands down her skirt, tugging on her blazer, as if to straighten it, even though she was as put together as she always was.

"Good. Thank you, Ben." She walked to where she had set her purse down, picking it up. "I had best get going then."

"You aren't staying for tea?" Ben winced internally at the disappointment coloring his tone.

The corners of Leia's mouth turned up. "I'm afraid if I stay much longer, I will say something which will change your mind. Best to leave while I'm ahead."

Ben didn't reply as she walked to the door, nodding before she walked through, closing it behind her.

He walked over to his couch, dropping down and leaning his head back, replaying the conversation in his head. He had never seen his mother like that, so unconfident. It was disconcerting.

He needed to go find Rey, to apologize. He had been an ass. He groaned as he stood. She probably thought he was ashamed of her homelessness. He wasn't, but it killed him that she was somewhere so unsafe, no water, no electricity. He had a perfectly fine apartment that she could be living in, so he wouldn't have to worry about her.

He grabbed his keys from the table by the door and headed down the stairs. He wasn't paying much attention to where he was going, running a hand through his hair as he ran through everything he wanted to say, and bumped into a man with very red hair reading a newspaper to the side of the steps. Who even read a real newspaper anymore?

Ben apologized quickly, turning towards the direction of Rey's building. He walked quickly, needing to expel his restless energy. He had to make things right with Rey. He had to make her believe he didn't care about where she came from, that he wasn't embarrassed by her. In fact, the opposite was true. He was amazed by her, by her talent, her beauty, her joy in life. He was amazed that she even gave him the time of day.

He stopped as he passed by Lando's coffee shop. Perhaps he could bring a peace offering. He headed indoors, unsurprised to see an assortment of college students drinking coffee and typing on laptops. He went to the line, shoving his hands in his pockets and staring unseeing at the menu.

"Ben?"

Ben turned, his eyebrows raising when he saw the owner of the voice. "Mr. Snoke?"

The old man was standing just behind him, both hands on his cane.

"What are you doing here?" Ben asked, staring dumbly.

Snoke smirked. "I fancy the occasional coffee, and this is one of the best establishments in the city."

Ben had no reply, finding it extremely odd that a man with Snoke's wealth would be frequenting a small coffeeshop when he could probably hire someone to grow, roast, and brew his own coffee.

"Would you care to join me for a cup?"

"Oh." Ben swallowed. He really needed to find Rey, but it seemed rude to refuse the man who might be his ticket to stardom. "Um. Okay."

"Splendid."

Ben turned back around, noting that the line had moved while he had been gawking at Snoke. He felt like he should be talking, carrying on a conversation, but couldn't seem to move past the strangeness of Snoke's presence. He ordered a coffee and tea to go, stepping to the side to wait for them while Snoke ordered his own coffee.

Once they were both holding cups in their hand, Snoke wandered over to a section with leather chairs. Ben frowned, thinking it strange that they would be available when the rest of the coffeehouse was packed.

Snoke groaned as he sat down, setting his walking stick to the side. "So, tell me. How have things been at Juilliard?"

Ben snorted. "Eventful."

Snoke's eyebrows rose. "Oh?"

Ben exhaled sharply and found himself pouring out the whole story to the man. His coffee cooled as he tried to reign in his emotions, which had come flooding back to the surface as he related everything Luke had done to undermine him and his mother's subsequent pleading with him to finish his schooling.

When he finished, his face grew hot. He hadn't meant to spill so many of his feelings to this man he barely knew, who probably now was rethinking his desire to make Ben a star.

After a prolonged moment, Snoke spoke. "Why is it that you continue at that school when your talent could be put to better use?"

Ben blinked at him. "I…Well, graduating from Juilliard looks good on a resume, I guess."

Snoke scoffed. "My dear boy. You don't need a resume. You're the grandson of the great Darth Vader. I've already spoken to several people about you, and could make you a star overnight. That school is a waste of your time."

When Ben didn't answer, having no answer to give, Snoke continued. "Is there some other reason why you're determined to stay through graduation?"

Ben's mind immediately turned to Rey. If he left, he would leave her behind. His heart squeezed just thinking of leaving her.

"Perhaps the young woman I saw you with at your performance?"

Ben's eyes snapped to Snoke's. The old man was watching him with a shrewd expression.

"I suppose Rey is part of the reason," he said slowly. He didn't think of Rey as holding him back though. She was the only thing holding him together.

Snoke nodded. "Yes. I have noticed a slip in your performances of late. Perhaps she is a little more distracting than she ought to be?"

Ben recoiled. "No. Rey isn't distracting me."

"So, you've been spending all your time practicing, improving your craft then?"

Ben frowned. "Well…no, but I don't need to spend all my time practicing."

Snoke sipped his coffee, watching him. "You most certainly have the talent to get away with not practicing, but you'll never make it if you allow yourself to become distracted." He set his coffee mug down, steepling his hands under his chin. "Allow me to give you some advice, young Solo. If fame and fortune are what you desire, you will have to work hard to achieve it. You won't have time for anything else. Nothing can distract you."

"Rey's not a distraction." Ben baulked at the implication that Rey was harming him. It was his mother and Luke who had done the most harm to him. They were the ones to blame if his performances had slipped. He said as much to Snoke.

An apologetic smile broke out on Snoke's face. "Of course. I am only trying to give you advice. I certainly can't make you choose fame over love."

Ben stood, grabbing Rey's tea. "I appreciate your advice, Mr. Snoke. I really need to get going, though. I need to find Rey."

Snoke nodded, picking his coffee back up and taking a sip, waving his hand to shoo Ben away.

Ben left, his mind even more in a whir than when he arrived.

Rey was not a distraction.

She wasn't.

* * *

Today

Rey woke slowly, feeling warmer and more relaxed than she had in a long while. It took her a few moments to remember the night before, to realize that she was being held by Be in an iron grip, her back against his front. She closed her eyes once more, enjoying the feeling of safety, the feel of Ben's breath against her ear. She could tell by the even, relaxed breaths that Ben was still asleep.

Her mind ran through the last thirty-six hours, trying to piece together not only how she had gotten here, but how she felt about it.

Her heart squeezed as she thought of Ben leaving again. The entire last night had been a mistake. Panic flooded her at the realization she would once again be abandoned by him.

She should never have slept with him. She wasn't going to survive his leaving again.

What was she going to do?

She had to talk to him. She had to clear the air.

She squeezed her eyes together, pressing her lips together to reign in the sudden onslaught of tears. Somehow, she didn't think Rose would qualify sleeping with Ben as getting closure.

How was she supposed to talk about the past now? How could she put herself through that? It was going to destroy her to hear Ben say that he had valued his career more than her. Especially after the previous night. Her toes curled as her heart beat hard, remembering what it felt like to be treated like she was something – someone – worth cherishing.

She had been supremely stupid. Instead of guarding her heart, she had practically ripped open her chest and handed it to him.

She tensed when Ben's arms squeezed, his nose nuzzling into the sensitive spot behind her ear. He kissed her there, humming.

"Good morning."

Despite her panic, Rey melted against him, ignoring the voice in her head telling her to get up, to confront him, to leave, to save herself. "Morning."

Ben kissed the back of her neck, nosing her hair out of the way. "Maker, I missed you." He spoke the words so softly, Rey wasn't sure she had even been meant to hear them.

She bit her lip to keep it from trembling as emotions warred inside her. This was so nice. It felt like she had taken a deep breath after fighting her way to the surface of water. However, the voice she hated continued to remind her of his impending departure. He was set to leave after the evening's last performance. Not only that, but he had crushed her heart once before. She would be not only stupid but pathetic to willingly allow him to do so again.

She glanced at the clock, cursing when she noted the time. She was going to be late for her first class. She pulled herself away from Ben, not daring to glance back as she ran around the room, trying to find her clothes.

"Rey?" Ben asked. She saw him out of the corner of her eye watching her zip around the room. "What's the rush?"

She hopped on one foot as she put on her shoe. "I'm going to be late for class. I have to go."

There was a pause before Ben asked, "Come to tonight's performance?"

Rey dropped her foot, finally getting her other shoe on, closing her eyes to gather herself before turning to him.

"We have to talk about what happened three years ago." She clenched and unclenched her hands at her side, wiping them down the front of her dress.

Ben's brows drew together. "Ok. Yes. I agree."

Rey nodded. "Good. Great. So – I'll see you tonight after your performance and we'll talk." She looked anywhere but at him, clearing her throat as her face heated. "A-and just talking. We – We can't sleep together again."

When Ben didn't answer, she chanced a glance at him. He was frowning at her, clearly unhappy. She couldn't hold his gaze, nodding at him as she hurried out the door, face still hot.

Tonight, she would get answers.

Tonight, she would finally move on from Ben Solo.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: **CW for physical abuse in this chapter. Basically Snoke being Snoke. However, I completely understand if you wish to skip reading it. If you choose to avoid it, stop before the section that starts with "Ben laid in bed staring at the hotel door" and skip to the end. It's the last section of the chapter. I'll have a brief summary of what happened so you don't get confused later. Thank you!

* * *

**Chapter 14 **

Three Years Ago

Ben grasped Rey's hand, lacing his fingers through hers and kissing her knuckles.

"Stop fidgeting," he said, leaning towards her ear. "You look beautiful."

Rey chewed on the corner of her mouth, glancing around at the people arriving in their finery, women wearing ropes of pears and thousands of dollars-worth of gemstones to compliment their expensive gowns, and the men – including Ben – wearing expensive tuxedos.

"I bought this dress at a thrift store," Rey said. "My earrings were on sale at Claires. I'm completely underdressed."

Ben's heart squeezed at Rey's insecurities. Kissing her knuckles once more, he placed her hand in the crook of his elbow. "Well, I think you look gorgeous in your thrift store purchase and on sale jewelry, and anyone who dares to make you feel bad about it can go to hell."

Rey smiled, her cheeks growing pink as Ben handed their tickets to the usher. Rey had no real idea when her birthday was, the information dying with her parents, so her birthday had become the day she entered the foster care system. Ben had been appalled to learn this, and decided to help her find another birthday. He surprised her with a night out to dinner and a present of tickets to the symphony. He had paid for the best seats in the house, the money well worth the look of excitement on Rey's face when she opened the gift.

He guided Rey to their seats, the first row of the balcony, dead center, where the acoustics and viewing were perfect. Rey, still grasping his hand, immediately leaned forward, looking down at the crowd milling about below. Glancing back at him, she smiled, biting her lip before rushing forward to kiss his cheek.

"Thank you so much for this. The closest I've gotten to the symphony is breaking my way into a movie theater." Her eyes sparkled and her dimples came out as her grin stretched wide.

Sometimes he loved her so much it hurt, an almost physical pain in his chest when he looked at her. He cupped her cheek and leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers for a prolonged moment. When he pulled back, he looked her in the eyes, his thumb tracing her cheekbone.

"I'm just happy that I get to be here the first time you see the New York Philharmonic."

The lights flickered, warning everyone to get to their seats. Ben leaned back in his chair, brushing his thumb across Rey's hand as she once more leaned forward, nearly bouncing in her seat like an excited child.

The lights dimmed and the musicians walked onto the stage, sitting and beginning their warmups. It was a cacophony of sound, and Rey watched raptly, as if it were part of the performance. The conductor walked out on stage, bowing before turning and silencing the musicians.

The opening notes of _Le nozze di Figaro_ played, and Rey sucked in a breath, her eyes widening. The evenings performances were a tribute to Mozart. Ben had spent so much of his time entrenched in his battle against his uncle, that he often forgot just how wonderful something like the symphony could be. The song ended and was followed by _Allegro con Brio_. Ben bit his lip against a laugh at how engrossed Rey was in the performance, her eyes wide, hardly blinking. It was so endearing. By the end of the last song, _Eine Kleine Nachtmusik_, played, Rey had leaned completely forward, seeming to have forgotten to be self-conscious as she rested her arms on the railing in front of them, with her chin on top.

When the last notes played, Rey immediately stood, clapping hard. Though there were only a scattered amount of people standing, Ben joined her. She looked over at him, smiling through the tears running down her cheeks, and then turned back to the musicians standing and conductor bowing.

When the musicians started filing out, Rey turned to Ben, shocking him when she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly on the lips. She smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling.

"Thank you so much, Ben," she said. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen."

Ben returned her smile, warmth spreading through him. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

He bent to kiss her again, but someone clearing their throat reminded him they were blocking the aisle. He pulled Rey's hands from around his neck, lacing his fingers through one and pulling her behind him to the exit.

As they walked out the doors, Ben heard someone call his name. He turned around with a frown, his eyebrows shooting up when he saw the owner of the voice walking towards him.

"Mr. Snoke," he said as the man walked up. "What are you doing here?"

Snoke stopped, resting his hands on his cane. "I enjoy the symphony now and again. I like to see what my money is paying for."

Rey frowned, confusion on her features. "You own the New York Philharmonic?"

Snoke laughed. "No, my dear, but I do contribute money to ensure they stay in business."

Ben pressed his lips together as Rey's eyes flickered down, color blooming on her cheeks.

"We should get going –"

Snoke cut him off just as Ben was pulling Rey away. "Since I have you here, I might as well share the news I received today."

He paused, raising his eyebrows when Ben didn't respond. Ben knew he was being ridiculous, but it made him uneasy to have Rey around the man. Some protective instinct seemed to kick in whenever Snoke was around. He couldn't put his finger on the reason, as the man had been nothing but helpful to him, especially in the wake of his family's interference in his life.

After an uncomfortably long silence, Ben finally said, "Oh?"

Snoke smiled, though there was annoyance in his eyes as he said, "I have received word from a friend in New Orleans. The news has gotten around that I happen to share an acquaintance with the grandson of Vader, and people are eager to hear you play."

Ben blinked at Snoke, his heart kicking into overdrive. He wasn't necessarily thrilled to begin his career on the coattails of his grandfather…but people were eager to hear him play?

"That's…" He glanced at Rey to find her looking up at him, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. He turned back to Snoke, his unease sharpening. "That's amazing."

Snoke nodded. "Yes. Best to strike while the iron is hot. If you agree, I can have you playing for the crowds of New Orleans by next week."

Ben's eyebrows shot up. "Next week?" He glanced again at Rey. "I have classes. I don't graduate until next month." He took a deep breath, squeezing Rey's hand. "And I can't leave Rey behind."

Snoke looked at Rey, tapping his fingers on top of his cane. "I see. I had no idea things were so serious between you." He turned back to Ben. "I don't see why we can't work something out. Why don't I have you both for dinner tomorrow night? I'd like to get to know young Rey here, and we can discuss the finer details to find a solution that works for all of us."

Unease tightened in Ben's stomach, but before he could decline, Rey spoke up. "We'd love to."

A grin broke out on the old man's face. "Splendid. I shall send a car for you both tomorrow."

Ben frowned, but nodded. "Ok."

Nodding at the pair of them, Snoke turned to leave. "Until tomorrow then."

"Until tomorrow," Rey said.

Snoke nodded at them and then turned to leave. Ben watched him until he was out of sight. He couldn't put his finger on why, but he had a very bad feeling about dinner the next night.

* * *

Once he rounded the corner, well out of hearing of young Solo, Snoke pulled out his phone and dialed his PA, Armitage Hux.

"I need you to follow the homeless girl tomorrow. Alert me at once when she's alone."

* * *

Today

Rey yawned as she walked up the steps to her apartment. She had a long break between classes that day and came home to shower and change out of her dress. She had kept her head down as she walked to her classes that day. She had never done the walk of shame before, and she honestly didn't care to repeat it.

It wasn't that she cared about what people thought, exactly. She was free to do whatever with whomever…but after three years of hiding her feelings for Ben, it felt exposing to go to her classes in the same dress she had worn the previous evening. She didn't want people speculating on what she was doing, with whom. She wanted to hide her feelings for Ben.

She knew it was ridiculous to worry. Most people came to classes in their pajamas. It would make more sense to worry about being so overdressed, and it was most likely that no one had even looked twice at her.

She rubbed her forehead as she reached the top of the stairs. The last few days felt like a lifetime. She could feel the stress getting to her, the threat of a tension migraine looming.

She pulled out her keys, her hands shaking as she attempted to get the key into the lock. When she finally succeeded, she opened the door, jumping when Rose stood just on the other side of it, her arms crossed, a severe look on her face.

"What did you do?"

Rey walked past her friend, not answering the question as she dropped her bag on the floor of her bedroom and pulled off her shirt.

Rose followed her in, not blinking as Rey shucked her pants off and began rummaging through her drawer for clean underwear, yoga pants, and a t-shirt.

"Rey."

Rey stopped, rubbing her temples again at the genuine concern in her friend's tone. "We slept together."

There was a beat of silence. "Yeah. I kind of figured that when you texted not to wait up for you."

Rey turned, flopping back on her bed, covering her eyes with her clean clothes.

She felt the bed dip as Rose sat. "How are you feeling."

Rey groaned as tears pricked behind her eyes. "This is a disaster."

"Did you at least talk?"

Rey gripped the clothes, pressing them harder into her face as she screamed.

"I'll take that as a no, then?" There was a hint of humor in Rose's tone.

Rey curled on her side, flinging the clothes across the room in frustration. "What am I going to do, Rose?" She cursed loudly, Rose's eyebrows flying up at her unusually colorful language. "I am the stupidest girl to ever stupid."

Rose snorted, rolling her eyes. "You're not stupid."

Rey sat up. "Yes I am. I am so stupid. If you went to the remote temples of Nepal and asked the monks what the definition of stupid is, they would say Rey."

Rose crossed her arms, frowning. "Rey, you're not stupid. You're love-sick and confused. It happens."

"I'm not going to survive this," Rey said, breathing faster. "I barely managed to pretend to be alive the past three years. My heart is already shredded. He's going to leave me again and I'm…" She groaned again. "It's going to break me, Rose."

Rose grabbed her hand. "Ok. So…admittedly the plan we discussed, where you actually talk instead of," she waved a hand, "you know –"

"Acting like a moron?" Rey supplied.

Rose rolled her eyes. "No! Look. You've had a setback. I can only assume you have plans to see Kylo – uh…sorry Ben – again?" Rey nodded. "Great. So, you'll go see him tonight and you'll _talk_. Don't go anywhere alone. Just…stay in public areas. You can't have sex if you're in public." Rey snorted. "You'll talk to him, and figure out where things are. Maybe it's not the end of the world. I mean…he's the one who asked you to see him last night. Maybe he still has feelings for you."

Rey rubbed her eyes with her middle finger and thumb. "He left me, Rose. He ghosted me out of the blue. He told me he loved me, we slept together, and he left." She looked over at Rose. "He's going to do the same thing again, and I'm so pathetic that I'm just…letting him."

Rey looked at the time on her phone, standing up and picking up the clothes she had tossed. "I have to take a shower and get back to school. I'll be back to change before the performance tonight."

She walked to out of her room, stopping when Rose called her name. Reluctantly, she turned back.

"You're not alone this time," Rose said, still sitting in the middle of Rey's bed. "If Ben does leave again…you've got me…and Finn and Poe. You don't have to hide this time. We can help you."

Rey pressed her lips together as tears pricked behind her eyes. Swallowing, she nodded and then headed into the bathroom before the tears overflowed.

* * *

Three Years Ago

Rey's hands shook as she paced back and forth, staring down at the envelope in her hand. She had auditioned for Juilliard a couple weeks prior without telling Ben. She hadn't wanted to get his hopes up, knowing it would only get her own hopes up even further.

She hadn't really known what to expect out of her audition, but had played one of her own compositions. She had blushed when she explained she had no training, but the judges had seemed welcoming enough.

She stopped pacing, staring down at the envelope as she tapped it against her hand. It was thick. That had to be a good sign, right?

"Just open it," she said out loud.

Squaring her shoulders, she huffed, sliding her finger underneath the flap. She pulled out the thick set of papers, letting the envelope flutter to the ground. Swallowing, she pulled it open.

She read the cover letter three times before the words actually sank in.

"I got in," she whispered.

What was more, they were offering a full scholarship, including a stipend for living and other expenses. She would have to keep her grades in excellent condition, but…she had gotten in.

She was going to Juilliard.

She squealed, and suddenly she wished she had a phone so she could call Ben immediately and tell him.

"I hope I'm not interrupting."

Rey gasped, whirling around and clutching the papers to her chest, her heart racing.

An old man stepped forward out of the shadows.

She frowned. "Mr. Snoke?" She shook her head. "What are you doing here?"

How had he known where she lived? She knew that there was always the threat of someone walking into her abandoned building, but it still felt like a violation to have him enter without her permission.

Snoke walked over to her, stopping several feet away and placing his hands on top of his cane.

"I came to share the good news," he said.

Rey frowned, nonplussed. "What?"

"After our run-in last night, young Solo gave me a call," he said.

Unease began to uncurl in her stomach, sending tendrils of fear in every direction. She swallowed thickly.

When it became apparent to the man that she wasn't going to respond, he continued. "I spoke with Ben last night, ironing out the details of our arrangement. He has agreed to come to New Orleans. He stopped by this morning to sign the contract."

It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. Rey struggled to maintain a calm exterior as shook her head. "No…No he wouldn't just do that without telling me."

Snoke chuckled, his expression condescending. "My dear, what did you expect? Do you really think that Ben, grandson of one of the best jazz musicians in the world, son of the famous Broadway producer, is going to give up the chance for fame, the chance to play his own music, for you?"

Rey didn't believe him. Snoke was up to something. Ben said he loved her. He wouldn't just leave her like that. He wouldn't sign a contract without at least letting her know.

"H-he loves me," she said.

Snoke gave her a pitying look. "I'm sure he does. But he can hardly wait around for a homeless girl. Who are you really? You're no one."

Rey clenched the papers in her hand to hide the fact she was shaking. "I'm someone to Ben."

Snoke nodded. "Yes. And you always will be. You'll be his first love, the woman who loved him before his fame."

Rey felt her heart cracking, and frantically tried to convince herself that Snoke was lying. He had to be. Ben wouldn't do this. He had never cared about her homelessness.

A small voice in her head reminded her of all the times he had seemed uncomfortable introducing her to his family, to Snoke.

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "I don't believe you." Opening her eyes, she narrowed them at Snoke. "You're lying."

Snoke shrugged. "You can believe that if you wish, but Ben is already in a car on the way to the airport. He wanted to come tell you himself, but the plane leaves in less than an hour. I convinced him to head to the airport while I came and delivered the news to you. We both figured it would take less time if he didn't have to face you himself."

The papers crumpled as Rey clenched them tightly. "I know you're lying. Ben wouldn't do that to me." She took a breath to steady her shaking voice. "He wouldn't abandon me like that."

Snoke looked at his watch. "Yes, well, I'm afraid I don't have time to prove the truth. I have a plane to catch."

Rey ground her teeth together as Snoke walked out the door. She felt short of breath, chest heaving to get in oxygen as her head spun.

Dropping the papers to the floor, Rey ran out of the building.

Snoke was lying. She would prove it. Ben wouldn't abandon her.

* * *

Today

Ben laid in bed staring at the hotel door for far longer than he would like to admit.

Waking up with Rey in his arms…Maker, he hadn't felt so at peace with himself since the last time he had held her in his arms. He would have spent the entire day spooning her if she hadn't rushed out of the room.

He felt a twinge of unease as he recalled her refusing to look at him. He hoped she didn't regret what had happened. He certainly didn't.

There was a beep and the sound of his door unlocking, jolting him out of his thoughts. He sat up, knowing only one person had a key to his room.

Snoke walked in, taking a look at Ben sitting in bed, and sneered. Ben was glad he had had the foresight to put his boxers back on before falling to sleep the night before.

"You're not seeing her again," Snoke said by way of greeting.

Rage flashed through Ben, three years of pent up frustration burning through him.

He cursed at the man. "You own my professional life, but you don't own my personal. You don't get to dictate who I can and cannot see. You forgot that clause in your damned contract."

"That girl is nothing but a distraction." Snoke looked at Ben with derision in his expression.

Ben huffed in disbelief. "A distraction? She's the reason I've been playing so well the past two nights. If you really want me to focus on my music, you'd put her on the plane with us."

Snoke's expression darkened. Before Ben even realized what he meant to do, Snoke whipped his cane up, shoving it hard into Ben's stomach.

He doubled over on the bed, gasping for air as pain radiated through his abdomen. Almost immediately, Ben gasped again as Snoke brought the cane down over his back.

The pain was intense. Ben didn't know how Snoke managed to strike so hard when he used a cane to walk. This wasn't the first time the man had cracked Ben with his cane, and every time he had wondered at the mans strength. He never touched Ben's face or hands, however – hands which were insured for millions.

Ben groaned, his body throbbing, still gasping, as Snoke straightened his jacket. He turned to walk out, pausing with his hand on the knob.

"I own you, _Kylo Ren_." He sneered. "You're not going to see Rey again, or I'll make sure to _really _hurt you. Do you understand?"

Ben didn't answer as he curled into a ball in the middle of the bed, not even registering Snoke's departure.

* * *

**A/N: **The summary of the last section is Snoke hits Ben with his cane a couple times, incapacitating him as he tells Ben he can't see Rey again.

Thanks so much for reading! :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 **

Three Years Ago

Hux waited outside an apartment building, nondescriptly scrolling through his phone. Snoke had tasked him with making sure that Ben believed Rey left him. Hux didn't really understand what was so special about the guy. He was a pianist, but there were plenty of other pianists, and if he fell for this then either his relationship was rocky to begin with, or he was just a naïve idiot.

Finally, the girl walked out, too caught up in her own personal drama to even notice him. Honestly, he thought it was a riot how oblivious people were. Hux had been trailing both her and Ben for weeks and neither of them had noticed. He continued scrolling through his phone, waiting until another person entered the building and slipping in after them.

Hux waited patiently as the elevator stopped to drop off it's other passenger before he arrived at Ben's floor. He knew how to pick a lock and was prepared to do so when he noticed a paper corner sticking out from under the door. He carefully pinned the corner with his pinky nail, gently tugging, thankful that the building was all hardwood.

The folded paper had Ben's name on it. Hux, getting a special sort of glee over stealing and reading a letter, opened the paper to read it.

_Ben,_

_I waited for you, but I guess you're already with Snoke. I don't know if you'll get this or if Snoke was telling the truth, but whatever he told you, I haven't abandoned you. I didn't tell you before, because I didn't want to get your hopes up, but I auditioned for Juilliard and got accepted. I had noted my living situation and they agreed to let me move in early. I wish I had a phone, so I could just text this to you. So, I would know whether you got it. I hope you do. Please if you get this letter, meet me at Lando's coffeeshop tomorrow morning at 10:00._

_Yours always,_

_Rey_

Hux snorted, the satisfying sound of ripping paper filling the air as he shredded the sappy letter into bits. He walked over to the stairwell and tossed the pieces down.

* * *

Today

When the pain finally receded enough that he could think, Ben grabbed his phone, sending a text to Gwen. Once it was sent, he curled into a ball again.

He might have fallen asleep because the knock on his seemed to come almost immediately. He groaned as he gingerly sat up, hissing through his teeth as his body protested. He stood, one arm around his middle, as if holding it would lessen the pain.

There was another knock at the door.

"I'm coming." He winced as the act of raising his voice sent more pain shooting from his abdomen.

He opened the door and whatever Gwen had been about to say faded, leaving her with her mouth open, staring at Ben.

He stepped aside, sweeping his hand in indication that she should enter. She shook her head, anger flaring in her eyes as she stomped inside.

After several steps, she turned and crossed her arms. "You have to call the police."

Ben swallowed, feeling a lump in his throat as he rubbed his eyes. "No. I'm not calling the police."

"Ben, you can't let him keep getting away with this. He is physically hurting you."

Ben shuffled past Gwen, trying to gather his strength to have this same argument again. He was just so tired. How was it that Snoke could manage to steal joy and his energy in so little time?

"It's his word against mine, Gwen." He sat in a chair, leaning his head back and throwing his other arm over his eyes. "And then he'll use it as an excuse to end my contract, taking all my music with him." He lowered his arm to look at her, still watching him with her arms crossed. "I'll be left with nothing."

"You'll be left with your health intact." She walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge, a wrinkle between her brows. "At least let me talk to Armie about it. Maybe he has something on Snoke, or we can get him to side with us."

Ben snorted. "Not likely. Hux has his head shoved so far up Snoke's ass, he can see the old man's dentures."

Gwen's lips thinned, but she didn't contradict him. Frankly, Ben had no idea why she was with such a tool. Had his heart not long ago been captured by a spindly brunette, he might have been tempted to woo her himself. She was a gorgeous amazon of a woman, and Hux was a short, pasty-faced moron.

Gwen stood without comment, grabbing the ice bucket, walking over to him, and holding out her hand. Ben stared at it, confused.

"Your key." She wiggled her fingers. "I'm going to get you some ice."

Ben pointed to the nightstand. "Somewhere over there."

As Gwen strode over, he leaned back again, closing his eyes, breathing in slowly through his nose, trying to force his abdominal muscles to relax.

He was stuck. Snoke held Ben's entire life in his hands. He couldn't leave without losing everything.

_Haven't you already lost everything?_

He groaned, knowing the answer. But there was no path back to his family. He had burned those bridges and, even if he hadn't, he didn't know if he wanted to find out if they still cared for him. Better to believe in the possibility than find out the reality.

And Rey?

His breath caught. He had lost her once. He couldn't lose her again. He had seen the panic in her eyes that morning, the way she had frantically run around the room for her clothes, the hesitancy in her voice when she agreed to meet him again that night.

He felt a sharp pain in his chest at the thought of her fleeing again. He wouldn't survive it. He had barely managed to hang on these past three years, especially once the reality of what he had signed his life to had taken shape.

He heard the door click, and Gwen walked in, bucket of ice in hand. She reached into the bathroom to grab the hand towel, dumping ice inside it and handing it to him. He pulled up his shirt, hissing as the cold, wet towel touched his skin. Gwen's lips thinned, her nostrils flaring as she looked at his abdomen. He glanced down, unsurprised to see a bruise forming.

She opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Ben cut her off.

"Call Carnegie Hall and tell them we're extending our stay an additional five days."

Gwen blinked rapidly, clearly taken aback. "What?"

"Tell them I'll be performing for 5 more nights."

Worry filled her expression. "Does Snoke know?"

Ben didn't answer her question directly. "I have the time available. I'm not due in Los Angeles for another six days."

"Yeah, so you can rest your hands." She crossed her arms. "You need this time off. It's been too long. You need rest."

Ben huffed, wincing as pain lanced through him. "Being with Rey is rest enough."

Gwen stared at him a moment before she turned away, barking a laugh, rubbing her forehead. "You slept with her, didn't you?"

"What does it matter?" Ben could feel face heating and his temper flaring at her tone.

She turned back to him. "That's why Snoke hit you isn't it?"

Ben ground his teeth together and looked away.

"Ben, I told you to talk to her, not sleep with her!"

He rubbed his eyes with one hand. "I – tried."

"You tried." Gwen's voice was flat, but when Ben looked at her, there was anger blazing in her eyes.

"Stay out of it, Gwen," he warned. He knew Gwen worried for him, but if she so much as insinuated that Rey was the cause of this, he might fire her.

Whatever expression he had on his face must been warning enough. She sighed, rubbing her forehead again.

"Fine." She dropped her hand. "I'll call Carnegie Hall and let them know. After the tickets are on sale, I'll tell Armie to let Snoke know, so he can't cancel."

Ben swallowed, his throat thick with emotion as relief flooded through him. "Thank you, Gwen."

She pulled out her phone, tapping at it. "I'm not leaving your side for the next five days." She put the phone to her ear, raising her eyebrows at his bemused expression. "I'm not letting Snoke have another chance to punish you."

Ben leaned back, closing his eyes as tension relaxed between his shoulders. "You're a great PA, Gwen."

"I'm a great friend," she replied.

* * *

Three Years Ago

Ben jogged up the steps to his apartment building, reading emails on his phone. He had just pulled the door open when someone walked out, bumping his shoulder.

"Watch it!"

Ben glared at the back of the man's red head, before turning back to his phone. He forewent the elevator in lieu of the stairs, feeling restless and needing to burn off more energy. He pocketed his phone and ran up the steps two at a time. About halfway up, his foot nearly slid out from under him. He scowled at the random bits of paper littering the stairs.

Once in his apartment, he stripped off his jacket, heading to his room. He had just enough time to shower before he left for Snoke's.

His stomach dropped again at the thought of Rey and Snoke in the same room. He tried repeatedly to tell himself he was being stupid, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to keep Rey away from the man.

Once he was dressed, his hair damp and curling around his ears, he headed outside to wait, but there was already a car waiting.

"Mr. Solo?"

Ben nodded, slipping into the back seat of the sleek car and pulling out his phone. He had a couple missed calls from his mother. He tapped the side of his phone with a finger as he stared at the number, eventually shutting the phone off and slipping it into his pocket.

He leaned his elbow against the car door, resting his chin on his hand, staring out the door without seeing. He absentmindedly pulled his bottom lip between his index finger and thumb.

Snoke's offer was tempting – more than tempting – but Ben couldn't leave Rey.

Could he? Being a musician, playing his own music for crowds, that had been his dream since he was plinking at the piano as a toddler. He used to line his stuffed animals up and make his nanny fake-cheer for him. Snoke was literally offering him everything he had dreamed of.

Months ago, his answer would have been an immediate yes. No questions asked. Where is the dotted line? But now the thought of leaving Rey behind, even if he bought her a phone and made her take it and they promised to speak every night…it wouldn't be the same. His heart sank just thinking about not seeing her for months on end.

The car slowed to a stop, the driver startling Ben by exiting and pulling open the door. Ben frowned.

"We're here?"

"Yes, sir," the driver said, motioning him towards the doors of Snoke's building.

"We were supposed to pick up Rey."

The driver cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, sir. My orders were only to pick you up."

Ben's frown deepened, but he nodded and walked into the building.

Why would Snoke not send the car for Rey? He had said he'd send a car for both of them. Maybe he sent a separate care?

The elevator opened once he reached the penthouse and Snoke was waiting to greet him.

"Welcome, young Solo."

The old man gestured for Ben to join him in the living room.

As Ben sat, Snoke leaned back in his sofa, giving him a sympathetic look. "I'm afraid young Rey won't be joining us this evening."

Ben stared. "What?"

Snoke took a sip of his brandy, eyeing Ben as he tapped the rim of the glass. "I went to see the girl earlier today." He swirled his glass as Ben tried to process what he had said.

Ben shook his head. "I'm sorry, what? Why?"

Snoke watched him for a moment, taking a sip of his drink. Sighing, he set it down. "You have a very special talent, Ben, and I needed to make sure that nothing came in the way of that."

Ben started breathing rapidly, feeling like he couldn't get enough air as the implications of what Snoke was telling him sunk in. "So, you, what? Told her to go away?"

Snoke shrugged a shoulder. "In not so many words. I offered her a sum of money in exchange for agreeing not to see you again."

Ben shook his head. "No. That's a lie. Rey wouldn't do that."

Snoke raised his eyebrows. "A homeless girl wouldn't do what exactly? Accept money from strangers? Choose to take enough money to get off the streets, have a better life?" He grabbed his drink again, taking a sip as Ben continued shaking his head.

Rey wouldn't do it. Snoke had to be lying. She told him she loved him. She wouldn't take the money.

His eyes snapped back to Snoke's. "How much?"

Snoke gave him a look. "Are you sure you want to know?"

Ben swallowed, growing more certain by the second that Snoke was lying. "Yes."

"Ten thousand dollars."

Ben scoffed, standing up. "You're lying. Rey wouldn't take –" He cut off and Snoke gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Wouldn't take such a low number? Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money to a girl living on the streets."

Ben hurried towards the elevator.

"You won't find her," Snoke yelled after him.

Ben didn't answer, punching the elevator button so hard his thumb ached.

When he stepped into the elevator, Snoke yelled at him again.

"When you realize that I'm telling the truth, come back. We can discuss your contract."

Ben said nothing as the doors closed.

* * *

**A/N:** Hoo man. Does anyone else feel like you're living in a movie right now? I hope you're all doing well. I apologize for the wait, but stress is not conducive to writing. Ugh. And unfortunately I'm stuck at home with a head cold (worst timing ever), but on the bright side, I ended up spending my time writing. And here we are! An actual update! Only one more chapter of the past timeline and then after that it'll be all present. I have this puppy mapped out to be at least 25 chapters, and so far we're on target. We're nearly out of the angst-woods. ANYWAY, I don't mean to be so chatty. I hope everyone is doing well and that this brings you some relief from the chaos. 3


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: **Well folks, this is it. The angstiest chapter has arrived. Thankfully, this is as angsty as it gets and it all gets better from here. ;) Also, my best estimate for how long this fic will be is currently at about 25 chapters. This is subject to change, but at least you have somewhat of an idea how much fic is left. :)

* * *

**Chapter 16 **

**Three Years Ago**

Ben's mind spun as he jumped into the car still waiting outside of Snoke's building, giving the driver the address of Rey's building. His heart raced, despite knowing that Snoke was lying. Rey wasn't the type to accept a payoff like that. She didn't beg for money on the streets. She played. She wrote music. She performed. It was different. She hadn't ever cared about being rich.

Plus, she had told him she loved him.

He repeated these things to himself as traitorous voice in the back of his mind wondered how well he really knew her. Despite all the time they'd spent together, their mutual confessions of love, Ben had consistently felt that Rey was withholding a part of herself. He could never explain the feeling, because Rey had always seemed so open, so vibrant when she was around him. However, there had been those times when she had hinted—or outright admitted—that her cheerfulness was a front to cover her sadness and loneliness.

What if she had done the same thing with him? What if she had merely been having fun with him, putting on a show? She had refused to move in with him, after all, and had shut him down so many times before finally agreeing to having sex. He had been the one to say "I love you" first.

He pounded his fist against the window, the driver glancing back at him with a frown. He hated this, hated that he had any doubts. Rey loved him. She wouldn't accept money from Snoke to leave him.

His knee bounced up and down as the driver made his way slowly across the city to the poorer section before finally stopping in front of the condemned building Rey had made her home in. He jumped out, telling the driver to leave. He would find his own way home.

He rushed up to the building, pausing at the dilapidated entrance. He paced back and forth a few times, trying to calm himself down. He didn't want Rey to think he was doubting her.

He wasn't.

Snoke was lying.

He had to be lying.

Swallowing and exhaling sharply, he knocked on the door and then resumed pacing, running his hand through his hair.

When several minutes had passed with no answer, he knocked again, louder and longer.

Rey usually answered pretty immediately. Ben checked his watch, verifying that it was late enough for her to be back at her home. She generally stayed in the building once the sun set, knowing she was the risk of danger was much higher at night.

When there was still no answer, Ben ran a hand through his hair, kicking the side of the building.

His panic erasing whatever worries he might have had at being rude, Ben decided to just barge into her home. What if she was hurt? And if she wasn't there, he'd wait for her. He tested the door, unsurprised to find it wasn't locked. He frowned at the reminder that Rey would rather stay in her dangerous living situation than move in with him. He walked further in, through the rotting shell of a building to the back, where Rey kept her things and slept.

He cursed under his breath. No. He couldn't accept Snoke's offer. He couldn't leave Rey here. This was dangerous. Setting aside the lack of security and potential for intruders and other squatters, the building looked one stiff breeze away from crumbling. He didn't care what he had to do; he was going to convince Rey to live with him. If he didn't think she'd call him crazy, he'd propose they elope. He knew there was no one else for him, and maybe a proposal would have convinced her his feelings were permanent. But he also knew her well enough to know she'd think he was crazy. That they were moving too quickly. He exhaled, feeling exasperated at her stubbornness.

When he finally reached the small room Rey kept her things, he pulled up short, blinking rapidly as he took in the room.

It was completely devoid of all of Rey's personal affects.

He stepped in, looking around, hoping maybe she had just moved things around. But no. It was completely empty. Gone was her sleeping bag, the crate she used as a makeshift dresser empty, none of the little knickknacks she had collected over the months were lined up the wall.

He ran both hands through his hair, tugging at hit as panic hit him square in the chest. Where had she gone? Had something happened to her? He should have gotten her a phone and forced her to use it earlier. What if someone had taken her, stolen everything she had, and she hadn't had a way to contact the authorities for help?

Swallowing, he looked around, feeling helpless, until a scrap of paper and a broken pencil caught his eye. He rushed over, picking them up. The paper looked to be a receipt. He turned it over, scrawling quickly on the back.

_Rey,_

_I'm not sure where you are, but please if you get this, come to my apartment so I know you're safe._

_Love always,_

_Ben_

He glanced around, wondering where to stick the note so that she would see it. He remembered an old corkboard at the front of the building with a couple thumbtacks still on it. He raced up to the front, crushing the note in his hand.

He grabbed a couple rusty pins and ran back to the first doorway, tacking the note onto the doorjamb where she could easily see it.

He huffed, frustrated that he would be forced to wait, that he was so helpless to find her, that she hadn't come to him after Snoke made his offer.

When he finally exited the building, he nearly ran into someone on their way in.

"Watch it!" Came a harsh voice, eyes glaring up at him from underneath a stocking cap pulled low, a ratty coat offering likely very little protection from the chill night air.

Ben frowned at the man. "What are you doing here? Someone lives here already."

The man coughed into his hand. "I know. Me."

Ben crossed his arms. "No, you don't. I know who lives here."

The man coughed again. "If you're talking about Rey, she's the one who told me it was free."

Ben recoiled as shock rippled through him. "What?"

"She left a few hours ago with a couple bags. She found me at my usual haunt and told me I could stay there."

Ben shook his head. "No." Suddenly there seemed to be less oxygen in the air. "You're lying."

The man scoffed. "Why would I lie? She said her fortune had changed. She found a new place to live."

Ben grabbed the man's shoulder. "Where? Where is she living?"

The man rasped a laugh which dissolved into coughing. "You think she would tell me? We're not friends. She just wanted to repay the time I lent her a pair of gloves when she first got to this glorious city."

Ben shook his head again, backing away. "You're lying. She—She wouldn't leave without telling me."

Without waiting for the man's reply, he turned around and ran. He ran several blocks before his legs finally gave out and he hailed a cab to take him back to his apartment.

Rey wouldn't take Snoke's money and she wouldn't move without telling him. He just had to wait for her to find his note and meet him at his apartment.

* * *

**Three Years Ago**

Hux shoved the probably flea-infested coat and hat out to the homeless man he'd bought them from. If he got lice trying to secure Ben Solo for Snoke, he was going to demand a pay raise.

"Here's the other hundred dollars." He shoved the bill towards the man, who quickly snatched and hid it away.

Snorting, Hux turned, "Pleasure doing business with you."

He hurried back around the corner to the dilapidated building, his lip curling as he stepped inside.

What did that moron want with someone who lived in such disgusting and dangerous conditions?

He glanced to the left and spotted a white piece of paper tacked onto the doorjamb.

He read through it, snorting as he ripped it to shreds and let the pieces flutter to the ground.

He walked out the door, deciding he should definitely ask Snoke for a raise.

* * *

**Three Years Ago**

"Here you go."

Rey jumped as Lando set her tea down. She closed her eyes, inhaling to try to calm her nerves. She tried to smile, but could only manage to lift the corners of her mouth.

"Thank you."

Lando raised his eyebrows. "What's got you so down, Little Miss Rey of Sunshine?"

Rey paused, but then realized that Lando was a family friend of Ben's parents. Maybe he knew where Ben was, whether he had truly left with Snoke.

"I…I'm waiting for Ben." She swallowed at the tremor in her voice. "Have—Do you know whether he's still in town?"

Lando tilted his head, seeming surprised by her question. "I haven't seen Han or Leia in a few weeks at least."

Rey swallowed again, feeling like her throat was coated in sandpaper, and nodded. "Ok. Thank you."

She could see Lando staring at her in her periphery, but grabbed her tea, taking a sip as she tried calming her nerves. She had moved her things to her new living space after leaving Ben's. She had wondered about leaving a note at her old building for him, but at the time had felt it would be unnecessary.

She glanced at the clock on the wall, noting that it was now 11:28. She had been waiting for nearly an hour and a half.

She closed her eyes, feeling like her heart was cracking in two as she allowed herself to accept the likelihood that Ben had well and truly left her behind.

She set her cup down, feeling close to a breakdown and unwilling to cry in public. She forced her emotions down, taking a deep breath, and walked up to the counter, asking for a to-go cup. She ignored Lando's look of concern, grabbing the cup and heading for the door as quickly as possible.

She headed for her new dorm room. Since the Juilliard semester was already close to ending, they had found her a room without a roommate. She forced herself to think of other things during the walk there. She had spent many years hiding her feelings, learning early on in the system that tears only proved you were weak.

She climbed the stairs to her room quickly, feeling her façade rapidly deteriorating as the sounds of music filtered into the stairwell.

She unlocked her door with shaking hands, closing it behind her and sliding down it. Her tea dropped out of her hand, spilling all over the floor as Rey pressed her head to her knees, sobs wracking her body.

* * *

**Three Years Ago**

Ben didn't leave his apartment for days, skipping all of his classes without care, not wanting to miss Rey.

The first day, he had convinced himself that she just hadn't gone back to her old building, that she didn't know he was looking for her. He ignored the fact that they had seen each other daily since they'd first met.

The second day he trashed everything in his apartment. Glass littered his floor as he threw everything breakable against the wall until his neighbor called the police, thinking someone was getting murdered on the other side of the wall.

The third day, he threw on shoes, not caring that he hadn't showered in three days and probably smelled like a homeless person—an irony not lost on him—and ran to central park, to where Rey always played. When he got there, the spot was empty.

He immediately panicked, running full tilt back to his apartment. What if he missed her? What if she had chosen that moment to show up at his apartment?

When he got back, no one was waiting for him, but he couldn't talk himself out of his panic that he had somehow missed her, pacing back and forth in his destroyed living room, alternately running his hand through his hair and pulling it.

He ran out of energy at three a.m. that night, a sudden soul-sucking exhaustion hitting him as the reality that Snoke had been telling the truth hit him. He climbed into his bed, pulling the covers over his head.

On day seven—after ignoring all calls from his family, ignoring his mother when she had had the building's superintendent unlock his door in order to order him out of bed and back to school, and ignoring when she had changed tactics and tried to ply him with worry over his health until he had screamed at her leave him alone—Ben took a shower.

His clothes were loose after seven days of eating maybe once daily, but he didn't much care. He wondered if Snoke's offer was even still on the table, since he had missed whatever concert there had been scheduled in New Orleans. He hailed a cab, leaning against the door and staring unseeing out the window, feeling wrung out.

He rode the elevator up to the penthouse in a fog. When the doors opened, Snoke's face flickered from irritation to surprise before settling on sympathetic. Ushering Ben into the living room, he brought him a bottled water.

"I can see that you're understandably upset," Snoke said, eye him with concern on his face.

"Just get me a pen." Ben's voice came out in a rasp, though whether from disuse or from screaming at his mother the previous evening, he didn't know. "If the offer is still on the table, I want to leave as soon as possible."

Something Ben couldn't decipher glinted in the old man's eyes as he tsked sympathetically, offering Ben his pen and then making a phone call to have his private plane prepared for immediate departure.

When they embarked on the plane, Ben didn't even stop to marvel at the plane's interior, finding the first seat, putting in his earbuds, and turning on his angriest rock playlist.

He never wanted to set foot in New York again.

* * *

**Today**

Rey sat fidgeting in her seat, waiting for Ben's performance to start. The previous two evenings, she had been too nervous to pay much attention to her surroundings. Now, she looked around, noting that the theater was packed. It looked to be almost completely sold out.

It hit her then just how famous Ben was. She had known, of course, that he was famous, but somehow the reality of how many people loved his music had never hit her in quite the same way as it did that evening. He had truly achieved his dream.

She swallowed the bile in her mouth as she once again remembered this was his last performance in New York. She returned to shredding her program, as she had the previous two evenings, trying to talk herself down from the panic attack threatening to unravel her.

Why had she slept with him?

She swallowed down tears as she remembered the way he had cupped her face the previous evening, looking at her with so much emotion in his eyes. In the moment, she had really believed he loved and missed her as much as she did him. But that didn't change the fact that he would be leaving the next morning, abandoning her all over again.

She heard Rose's voice in her head, demanding she get closure. She gripped her dress, bits of paper falling to the floor. She could do it—would do it. She would demand to know why he had left her and would tell him what a mistake it had been to sleep together. It was well and truly over between them. It had to be. If she was ever to move on from the heartache he had caused her, she had to hear him tell her that he had left her because music was more important to him than she was, no matter how much those words would hurt to hear.

The lights dimmed, applause breaking out as Ben walked onto the stage.

Rey frowned. There was something off. He was walking stiffly, his back rigid, his hands in fists at his side.

He walked to the front of the stage, tension radiating off him as he nodded his head rather than bowing. He caught Rey's eye, the tension seeming to melt away as his lips curved up, though when he walked to the piano bench, his movement was still stiff.

Rey couldn't help the tendril of fear winding its way through her mind, telling her something was wrong. When he started to play, however, she knew for sure something was wrong.

The songs were the same as they had been the previous two evenings, and from a technical standpoint they was still flawless, but the emotion behind them were different. There were tendrils of sadness woven throughout the performance, intermixed with moments when she felt rage pouring out of his fingertips. Something was most definitely wrong.

Rey hardly blinked through his performance, her mind spinning over what could have caused such a change. Was he angry that he was leaving? That they had slept together? Was the sadness due to his imminent departure? Had he spoken with his family?

She jumped when raucous applause erupted all at once, surprised to find the concert was already over. The crowd surged to its feet, whistles coming from all directions as Ben stood, once more nodding in lieu of a bow. His eyes found hers and Rey was nearly bowled over by the intensity of his stare.

Unlike the previous two evenings, he didn't immediately rush off the stage, instead turning back to the bench and sitting down.

The audience quieted as they sat, eager to hear the encore that Ben had denied the previous two audiences.

Rey gasped when she realized she had never heard this piece before. She knew every single song he had ever recorded, and this one she had never heard. She hardly registered the murmurs in the audience as Ben let the emotion flow into the piece. It reminded her of something, the melancholy bluesy notes making her heart squeeze and her eyes fill with tears. For an encore piece, it was very muted and emotional, pulling sadness out of her heart against her will.

She jumped again when the audience applauded again, though she noted fewer whistles and when she looked around, she saw people talking to each other as they glanced at the stage. She even saw a few people wiping their eyes.

Ben stood, nodded once, and strode off the stage, his hands once more curled in a fist. Rey watched him leave, her concerns over what was wrong surging back to the forefront of her mind.

She continued to stare at the spot he had disappeared through, her mind whirling with all the possibilities for his sudden melancholy. Gwen Phasma appeared as if out of nowhere, startling her from her thoughts.

"Follow me please."

Without waiting to see if Rey would follow, Gwen turned and began walking towards the side door. Rey struggled to find something to say, to break the ice with this woman who clearly disliked her.

She cleared her throat. "How is it working for Ben—uh I mean Kylo?"

Gwen stopped so suddenly, Rey nearly ran into her. She turned around, eyes flashing as she narrowed them at Rey. "As a professional, it would be wrong of me to discuss my employer with you, and as his friend, I have no desire to break his confidence."

Rey blinked at her, nonplussed by the woman's vehement response. "I'm—sorry?"

Gwen said nothing, nodding once and turning back, continuing to lead Rey down the narrow hallway to Ben's dressing room.

Gwen stopped, knocking twice and then turning to leave without another glance.

Rey frowned at her retreating form, only peripherally aware that the door had been opened until she heard Ben speak her name on an exhale.

She turned, immediately forgetting about Gwen Phasma as her heart skipped a beat at the look in Ben's eyes. The heat and adoration she saw there caused previous night came rushing back to her. She bit her lip as her cheeks warmed.

Ben raised his hand, curling it around the sid of her neck, his thumb tracing her cheekbone. Rey's breath caught as her heart began an erratic staccato. He shifted his hand to the back of her neck, holding her gaze. She was nearly bowled over by the emotion pouring out of his eyes. He looked ready to both devour and cherish her.

Before she could fully process these emotions and what they might mean, Ben leaned down, brushing his lips against hers, seeming hesitant. When she made no move to push him away, however, he kissed her again, pressing his lips firmly against hers.

All thoughts of conversation melted from her mind as Ben consumed all the available space in her mind. She raised her arms, threading her fingers through his hair as she stood on her toes and pressed herself closer.

Whatever control Ben had had over emotions seemed to disintegrate. He pulled her into the room, shutting the door and locking it, pressing her against it. His hands roved over her, her shoulders, her waist, her hips, curving around and under her shirt to feel the skin of her lower back.

Rey was nearly as frantic, wanting to touch all of him at once, as if needing to prove to herself that this was real and really happening, that it wasn't just a fever dream. She mimicked him, her hands around his torso and up his shirt, feeling the broad expanse of his lower back.

She pushed her hands upwards, Ben pulling away just long enough to wrench his shirt off and toss it away.

He made to return to kissing her, but Rey placed her hands on his chest, gasping as she took in the bruising on his abdomen.

"It's nothing," he said, gently grasping her hands and pulling them off her chest.

She couldn't take her eyes off the bruise. It had to have been extremely painful. In fact, had he gone to the doctor? It looked like the sort of thing that might lead to damage of the internal organs.

"How did it happen?"

When he didn't answer right away, Rey looked up. He was staring at her, breathing hard, his hands on either side of her head against the door, bracing himself. Something flickered in his expression before he looked away.

It hit her then.

"Did Snoke do this?"

With a growl of frustration, Ben pushed off the door. "It's nothing."

Rey gasped when he turned away and she found a matching bruise on his back, following him as he walked to the couch, running his hands through his hair.

"That is not nothing, Ben."

He sat gingerly on the cushion, leaning back and dragging a hand down his face. "I don't want to talk about it."

Rey stood in front of him and crossed her arms. "I don't care if you don't want to talk about it. If Snoke did this, then you need to go to the police."

Why would he let Snoke get away with this? Why was Snoke even still his manager?

"I can't go to the police."

He sounded weary, but Rey didn't care. She felt anger on Ben's behalf bubbling up, anger she had kept repressed for the past three years.

"What do you mean you can't go to the police?" She sat next to Ben, pulling his hand away from his eyes, trying to force him to look at her. "You can't let him get away with this. You have to leave."

Ben stared at the ceiling. "I have a contract, Rey. I can't just leave."

Rey huffed. "Don't be a moron!" She stood, feeling restless. "He could kill you, Ben. Have you even been to the doctor?"

A muscle ticked in Ben's jaw and when he spoke, it was through his teeth. "Would you please just drop it?"

"How can you stay with him?" Rey's voice was getting louder as her frustrations grew beyond her ability to repress them.

Ben stood abruptly, towering over her, his voice cracking with emotion. "Because I don't have a choice!"

Rey's anger deflated as quickly as it had inflated as surprise and confusion replaced it. "What do you mean you have no choice?"

Fear crept up her spine, feeling like a cold spider was walking up her back.

"I'm stuck in a contract." Ben's voice was hardly above a whisper, but Rey saw the helplessness in his eyes. "I can't leave. If I do, I'll lose everything I have left."

Rey stared at him, at a loss for words. What could he possibly lose that was worth letting Snoke get away with abuse?

Rey didn't realize she had voiced the question out loud until Ben answered.

"He'll take all of my music with him if I leave. I'll have nothing."

Rey grabbed his hand, kissing his palm before clasping it with both of her hands and pulling it to her chest. She looked up at him, finding him already looking down at her, wary.

"You'll have me." She swallowed. "I'll help you. I—I've been studying under Luke."

Ben's expression shuttered close. "After everything he and my mother did to me, why would you let him mentor you."

Rey grasped his hands tighter, her heart squeezing at the hurt in his voice, willing him to set aside his old arguments for a moment.

"He's not the same. He's changed."

Ben snorted, looking away. "That doesn't change what he did." He looked back at her. "He tried to ruin my life and my mother helped him."

Rey nodded. "I know. And I'm not saying that anything they did was ok, but Ben, I'm telling you, they both miss you. We…we never talk about you, but on the few occasions I've seen Leia, she's a shell of the woman I first met. And Luke…Luke is the most uplifting mentor I could have. He challenges me, but he also knows how to get me playing at my best. If we go to them, I'm sure they'll be able to help you." She swallowed again, her throat feeling coated in sand. "They miss you."

Ben's face turned stony. Pulling away from her, he turned, walked a few steps, before turning back, the hurt and anger evident in his voice.

"So what you're telling me is that Luke treats you better than his own family."

Rey shook her head. "Please just let him apologize to you. If you come with me, you'll see that he's changed, that he regrets pushing you away."

Ben crossed his arms. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Rey mirrored him, crossing her arms and glaring at him. "Yes, I do! I know how he treated you. I was there, remember?"

"I remember you saying five minutes ago that you never talked about me, so you don't actually know how he feels." Ben sighed, exasperated, and ran his hand through his hair. "I burned those bridges, Rey. I left without saying goodbye, and I haven't talked to any of them since I left. I can't just go back because of a minor issue."

"Minor issue?" Rey's voice rose several octaves in those four syllables. She gestured towards his abdomen. "This is not a minor issue. Ben, he's abusing you."

"Will you just drop it?"

Rey recoiled at Ben's sharp voice, at the anger in his eyes, his hands fisted at his sides. Swallowing, trying in vain to remoisten her throat, she stepped towards him. Ben watched her with a wary expression.

Her voice trembled when she spoke. "Ben, I'm worried something worse will happen to you. You can't be hit repeatedly forever. He'll slip up and do something worse."

Ben's lips trembled and he looked like he was chewing on his words as he stared down at her. Rey held his eyes as she slowly reached out, wrapping her arms around him, leaning her head against his chest.

"Please let me help you," she whispered.

She didn't understand why Ben would allow Snoke to get away with this, why he would risk his life over music. Why was his music so important that he would throw everything away for it?

Ben stood frozen for a moment before he wrapped his arms around her in return, squeezing her so tight it was a little hard to breathe, and resting his chin on top of her head.

They stayed like that, unmoving and silent, Rey closing her eyes and breathing deeply. Being with Ben felt so right. It always had, but she had forgotten just how right it felt. Her breathing grew shallow when she remembered this was the last night she'd be with him before he left her again. And what would she do if she didn't get him away from Snoke and something even worse than bruising happened? What if she never saw him again? She squeezed her eyes shut, trying not moderate her breathing as she attempted to keep herself from crying.

She had spent three years not crying in front of people, but Ben had broken down all her defenses before he had even entered New York. The past several days she had felt completely rung out. How was she going to survive his abandoning her again?

Before she could stop herself, a sob broke through.

Ben tensed, pulling away, his hands grasping her shoulders so he could look down at her. Rey kept her eyes closed, ducking her head and holding her breath as heat flooded her face. She tried twisting out of Ben's grasp, but he held her firmly.

"Hey." His voice was soft and filled with concern. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Rey took a deep breath, knowing she needed to rip the bandaid off once and for all. "I'm scared for you…and we need to talk, Ben."

She opened her eyes when he didn't respond, surprised to find panic in his expression. He let go of her and turned away, running a hand down his face.

"Do we have to do this now?"

Rey squared her shoulders, swiping at her eyes. "Yes. It's your last night here and we need to talk about what happened three years ago."

Ben tilted his head back, and she could see the way his muscles tensed. Eventually he sighed, turning. "It's not my last night."

Rey blinked rapidly, caught off guard. "What do you mean?"

A corner of Ben's mouth curved up. "I'm staying for another four nights." When Rey didn't answer, his lips curved into a small smile. "I don't have another performance scheduled for five days, so I told Carnegie Hall to open up more performances."

He started walking towards her, but Rey felt frozen. He wasn't leaving? But he would still leave eventually. Did Snoke know he had done this? Why was he staying?

As if he could hear her thoughts, he said, "I'm staying so I can be with you for longer."

Rey's breath shuddered as she inhaled, her heart refusing to listen to reason, to remember that it was only for a short while and they had resolved nothing between them, only caring that Ben said he was staying for her.

He stood so close to her, mere inches between them as he raised his hand to cup her cheek. His eyes flicked between hers as he lowered his head, as if waiting for her to tell him to stop.

But she didn't want him to stop, her emotions soaring at his confession. Rising up on her toes, she pressed her lips to his, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing him close.

Time seemed to slow as Rey once more reveled in how right it felt to be with Ben. A voice in the back of her mind, sounding like Rose again, tried to remind her to get closure, to talk about what had happened in the past, but Rey shoved it back. Maybe it made her pathetic, but she didn't want to know the truth right now. All she cared about was that Ben wanted to stay for her.

No one had ever wanted to stay for her.

Eventually they pulled apart, staring at each other silently.

Ben curled a piece of hair behind her ear, cupping her jaw. She saw his adam's apple bob, his voice hoarse when he spoke.

"I promise we can talk. Later." His eyes shuffled between hers. "Ok?"

Rose was yelling in her head again, but Rey nodded. "Ok." She pulled away. "But we do have to talk. Promise?"

Ben frowned, looking worried, but nodded. "I promise."

Rey frowned back. "So what now?"

Ben's frown relaxed into a smile. "Now, you get to see what it's like to play in the great Carnegie Hall."

* * *

**A/N:** I know I know...when are they going to talk right? LOL My outline has Rey and Ben figuring out what happened starting in Ch 18, though I've always been terrible at guestimating how long something will take to write, so it could be next chapter if my bullet points don't take up enough chapter space. Either way, soon. ;)


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Rey blinked rapidly, confused. "What?"

Ben grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the door. "I haven't heard you play since before you were taking lessons. I want to see how three years at Juilliard have helped you."

Her eyes widened when she realized he meant for her to play on the piano on stage. She planted her feet, pulling him to a stop.

"Ben, wait."

He looked back at her, bemused.

Rey licked her lips, looking away. She tried dropping her hand—feeling oddly self-conscious—but Ben gripped it tighter.

"It's just…It's Carnegie Hall."

Ben stared at her for a prolonged moment before rolling his eyes, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"Exactly. It's Carnegie Hall." He stepped closer to her, curling his hand around her neck as he yanked her hand, causing her to stumble forward. He pressed his lips firmly against hers.

She could only stare at him when he pulled away, a crooked smile on his lips as he looked down at her.

"Carnegie Hall should be graced by the fingers of the wonderfully talented Rey Niima before she fades into the background of the New York Philharmonic."

She felt her face heat at Ben's praise. He hadn't even heard her play in years.

It wasn't so much that she didn't believe in herself—because she knew she was a skilled pianist—it was more that she would be playing on one of the biggest stages in the world.

Ben pressed another quick kiss on her lips. "Come on. I can't wait to hear you play."

Rey couldn't stop her smile, ducking her head as Ben pulled her down the hallway toward the stage door.

When they stepped onto the stage, Rey's breath caught in her throat. From this side of the stage, the auditorium looked massive. She glanced at Ben as he pulled her to the center of the stage.

He leaned down, speaking low in her ear. "Take a bow."

Rey bit her lip to contain her grin as she gave an exaggerated bow. She could hear Ben chuckle behind her as she rose, turning and watching him as he walked to the piano, leaning against it.

Rey stared at the gorgeous instrument. Juilliard certainly had very nice pianos, but this wasn't just any piano. It was the piano on stage at Carnegie Hall.

She swallowed to moisten her suddenly dry throat. She took a tentative step closer, wondering why she felt so nervous. It wasn't as if she hadn't played in front of an audience. It wasn't even that she hadn't played in front of Ben—because she had many times—but somehow this felt weightier. They were different people than they had been three years ago.

She had been just a homeless girl with a guitar and he a student feeling stifled. Three years wasn't a long time, but it felt like a lifetime just then. Thinking back now, it was almost disorienting to recall how easily they had laughed together, how in love they had been.

She reached the instrument and brushed her fingers across the keys, gently pressing one to get a feel for the weight of them. She sat on the bench, moving it until it felt comfortable, now brushing both hands across the keys.

She played a few practice scales, getting a sense for the instrument. Any pianist knew that every piano was different. They might be made the same, from the same specs, the same materials, but every piano was different. When famous artists select a piano, they don't select just a brand. They test each instrument to find the one that speaks to them, the one that has the sound they want, the weight of keys that they like.

Playing scales, Rey realized this was her piano. Were she shopping, were she purchasing one of her own, she would choose this one. It felt so natural, her fingers gliding along the scales as if they were sentient and she merely a spectator.

She felt a bubble of excitement form in her chest, biting her lip but unable to keep the grin off her face.

She inhaled, closing her eyes, and began to play.

She started with _Clair de lune_ by Debussy. It was one of her favorites, had been from the first moment she had heard it. Technically speaking, she could have tackled it earlier in her career. It was deceptively difficult—the timing much different than traditional pieces—but once you got into the groove, it flowed. She had been scared to play it for the past three years, until Luke had brought it up in the list of songs he had proposed for her to play at her end of year recital.

Playing now, with the sound echoing in the hall felt amazing, felt right, as if something that had been missing had suddenly clicked into place. She poured herself into the piece, letting her fingers glide along the keys as she allowed herself to feel. She had played the song so many times in preparation for her recital that it was second nature to play it at this point.

When she played the last notes, letting the sound echo in the air, she dove into the next piece. _Impromptu No. 4 in A-flat Major_ by Schubert. It felt as if her fingers were floating with how easily the music flowed. This was her favorite piece to play when she was upset, when she needed a release of emotion. It was another piece that wasn't difficult from a technical standpoint, so long as your fingers could handle the near-constant rapid movement. When the song moved to the bridge, the darker tone pulled her frustration and fear up from where she had kept them carefully locked, her fingers pounding on the keys as the music crescendo'd. By the time the melody returned, she felt a lightness in her chest. It felt almost as if the song were a reflection of her relationship with Ben…or at least how she hoped it would go.

His staying longer had loosened something, a constriction in her chest that had been there since the moment she realized he had chosen his music over her. This time, however short the time, he had chosen her, had delayed his departure to spend time with her.

On and on she played, moving from one Schubert piece to another. She played _Fantasy-Impromptu in C Sharp Minor, Op. 66_, her fingers flying across the keys, a smile on her lips. She loved the calm in the middle of the storm, how it shouldn't have fit within the song, but somehow enhanced it rather than detracting from it. It was almost as if it gave the listener a moment of respite before resuming the frenzy, like taking a vacation from a hectic job.

When she was finished, she played _The Moonlight Sonata_ by Beethoven. Luke had balked at adding it to the program, especially as her last piece, claiming it didn't fit the theme of the songs she had chosen. Rey had pushed back, insisting she end on the piece. At the time it had felt like the perfect soundtrack to her life. She had been plugging along day by day under a fog of depression, pretending things were fine when they most definitely weren't.

The last notes faded as Rey opened her eyes, blinking when she realized she was crying. She swiped at her cheeks, sniffling as she apologized.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying." She tried to laugh, but it came out more like a hiccup.

She looked up when Ben didn't answer her, freezing when she saw the look in his eyes, his sorrow seeming to match hers.

Without warning, he sat next to her on the bench, wrapping one arm around her waist, tugging her closer as he kissed her. She gasped, surprised by the urgency, the way he pressed at her lower back, trying to bring her closer as he nipped at her lips, his fingers tangled in her hair.

He pulled back once, looking at her for a moment before pecking her on the lips again.

"Rey, that was amazing."

Her mouth hung open, completely disoriented by his response. "Thank you?"

He shook his head, both hands sliding to her shoulders, fire in his eyes as he gently shook her. "No." He swallowed, looking around a moment, seeming to be trying to collect his thoughts. "You don't understand Rey. You are a star." He closed his eyes, exhaling. "And I know you don't want to be, you want to just quietly play with a symphony, but you are a tremendous player." He let go of her shoulders, running a hand through his hair. "You could sell out Carnegie Hall if you wanted to, and it is a _travesty_ that you don't see that."

Rey opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, someone else spoke from the wings of the stage.

"Young Solo speaks the truth."

Ben froze as Rey watched Snoke walked onto the stage. He clapped as he sauntered to them.

It took everything in Rey's power not to stand and deck the old man.

"You could certainly make it far with your talent," Snoke said, stopping several feet away and resting his hands on his cane. Rey narrowed her eyes, her hands curling into fists as bubbles of hot rage filled her chest. "I could take you there, just as I took young Solo."

Ben stood, stepping in front of Rey, but before he could open his mouth, Rey stood as well, brushing past him. "Not everyone craves fame and fortune."

Rey noticed anger flash through Snoke's eyes, but he remained calm as he chuckled. "I see that Skywalker has filled your head with the same drivel he tried to fill Ben's with."

She looked back at Ben, finding him watching her with a frown on his face, confusion and something else in his eyes. She glanced down at his shirt-covered abdomen, images of the bruising there making her clench her fists so hard her nails bit into the palms of her hands.

"It's not drivel." She turned back to Snoke. "I play music because I enjoy it, because I want people to enjoy it. I enjoy my life, knowing that I can do something I love. I don't need money. I never needed it."

Rey heard an intake of breath behind her, but was too fired up to take her eyes off Snoke.

The old man's lips curled upwards, looking more like a sneer than a smile. "Keeping your talent hidden is foolish and sentimental. The world deserves to hear the songs you can bring them, just as it deserves the creativity of Kylo Ren. No one cares about a pianist in the New York Philharmonic. You'll die the same nobody that you were born."

"I don't owe the world anything." Rey turned, grabbing Ben's hand and tugging him towards the stairs.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Snoke's sharp voice rang in the theater, but Rey continued to pull Ben behind her, happy he didn't pause.

"Away from you," she shouted over her shoulder.

"Don't be foolish enough to think this conversation is over."

A tendril of fear shot up Rey's spine at Snoke's tone. She glanced over her shoulder as they reached the bottom of the stairs and started up the aisle, a bubble of laughter breaking through when she saw Ben flipping Snoke off as they left.

* * *

Ben's heart was pounding, blood rushing through his ears, but he couldn't keep the grin off his face at the way Rey had gone off on the old man. He knew he would pay for it later, for all of it—setting up more shows behind his back, leaving, flipping him off—but he didn't even care.

He squeezed Rey's hand as she continued to speed walk down the street, tugging him behind her. He lengthened his stride until he was walking beside her, turning his hand to lace his fingers between hers.

Only when she began to pull him down a flight of stairs did he even realize they were headed for the subway. He pulled her to a stop.

"Wait. Where are we going?"

Rey turned back, continuing down the stairs and pulling him behind her. "My apartment, where Snoke can't interrupt us."

Ben grinned as he continued down the stairs, not even caring that people were pointing and whispering. Tourists, most likely. New Yorkers didn't care much about celebrities riding the subway. When they paused, waiting for the next train to arrive, Ben gently tugged on Rey's arm, pulling her towards him, wrapping his arms around her, and resting his chin on top of her hair.

He wanted to say something, but couldn't find the right words to say "thanks for sticking up for me" without sounding pathetic. Tension left Rey's body as she returned the hug, turning her head to press her cheek against his chest.

They stayed like that until the train arrived, pulling apart long enough to board the train, keeping their hands linked as they sat. Rey pulled their hands into her lap, leaning her head against his shoulder.

Ben couldn't remember the last time he had felt this light. Certainly it had been before he had left with Snoke three years ago.

He leaned his head against hers. Being with Rey had always felt right, but something had changed when she stuck up for him. It was as if she had forgotten she was supposed to be wary of him. She hadn't tried to pull away. Rather, she had drawn closer to him. Whatever emotions she had been grappling with the last several days seemed to have been burned away or buried by her anger at Snoke. She reminded him of the woman he had first fallen for, the woman who had been happier living in an abandoned building than he had been growing up around New York opulence.

When their stop arrived, Rey once more tugged him behind her. He loved that she held his hand so tightly, once more catching up to her and lacing their fingers together. Rey was biting her lip, her brows drawn together, looking as if she were thinking hard.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

Her expression cleared with a small shake of her head. She smiled up at him. "Nothing."

It was his turn to frown. Her smile failed to reach her eyes.

"What's wrong?" He pulled her to a stop.

Rey closed her eyes before sighing at looking at him. "What will Snoke do to you?"

Ben huffed a laugh. "That's why you're frowning?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I thought maybe you were regretting taking me with you."

"No." Rey's voice waivered, but her eyes were steady. "But I do worry that he'll do something worse to you. You…You have to leave in a few days. What will he do to you?"

Ben sighed. "Nothing he hasn't already done." He rubbed his hand over Rey's shoulder. "He makes his money off my music. He's not going to do anything to jeopardize that."

Rey didn't look convinced, but Ben turned, gently tugging her arm. "Lets just go back to your apartment and worry about Snoke later."

Rey pressed her lips together, but didn't say anything as they walked to her building. Neither spoke, but the silence felt amicable. It both did and didn't amaze Ben that they had so easily fallen into their old ease with one another. He could almost fool himself into thinking the past three years hadn't happened.

As they neared the building, Ben's heart gave an odd thump, remembering that he had promised they would talk and that there would be nothing stopping them once they got to her apartment.

He followed her into the building and up the stairs, ruminating on what he planned to say. Gwen would kill him if he didn't ask Rey why she left, if he didn't clear things up, but he still wasn't sure he wanted to know…or that he cared. She was here now. She had chosen him, was trying to protect him from Snoke.

Rey pushed her front door open and led Ben into an apartment the size of a postage stamp. He knew he was tall, but he felt himself hunching over, trying to take up less space in the tiny apartment.

There was a tv on to the left, a couch backed up against the breakfast bar of the tiny kitchen. Rey dropped her keys into a bowl by the door as the two occupants on the couch stood.

Rey pulled him over, introducing him. "Ben, this is Rose, my roommate, and her boyfriend Finn. Guys this is Ben."

Finn stuck his hand out. "Nice to meet you, man. Big fan."

Ben nodded, shaking the man's hand. "Nice to meet you."

He turned to Rose, who was glaring between him and Rey with her arms crossed. He frowned, glancing at Rey and wondering what he had done to warrant the woman's glare. Rey widened her eyes at her friend, who exhaled sharply before dropping her arms.

"Nice to meet you, Ben," Rose said, her voice resigned. She gestured to the television. "We just started a movie. Want to join?"

Ben opened his mouth to decline, but before he could, Rey answered, "We'd love to."

He looked at her with raised eyebrows as she gently tugged him to the couch. Finn and Rose scooted over, but there was no way both Ben and Rey would fit. Ben gestured for Rey to sit. "I can sit on the floor."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Don't be stupid." She gently pushed his shoulders. "Sit."

Ben's knees buckled, and he landed with an "oof" on the couch. He started to protest, but stopped when Rey planted herself in his lap, circling her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder.

There was a beat of silence before Rose said "Okay…" under her breath and hit play on the movie.

Ben's heart was racing. He wondered whether Rey could hear it. She was on his right side, but it just might be loud enough with how hard it was beating. He gingerly circled his arms around her waist, clasping and resting them on her hip. She exhaled, her fingers playing with the ends of his hair as she melted against him.

Ben failed miserably at focusing on the movie. He hadn't kept up with pop culture in the last three years, too tired and depressed most nights to do anything other than fall into bed. He had no idea what the name of the movie was, and couldn't concentrate long enough to figure out the plot.

All he could concentrate on was Rey in his arms, her fingers threading through his hair as she kept her eyes on the television. His hands twitched at her hips, pulling her closer to him. Neither of them moved, neither switched position, the entire film. He wondered if Rey was paying attention to the movie or if she was as engrossed in being held as he was in holding her.

He felt a tightness in his chest as he thought of leaving her again. How could he do it?

He closed his eyes, involuntarily digging his fingers into Rey's hip, as if his body was telling him that he couldn't and wouldn't leave. But what choice did he have? Snoke had him in an ironclad contract. There was no way out of it, and because of that, in a matter of days, he would be forced to leave her again. She wasn't a homeless girl anymore. He glanced at Rose and Finn. She had a life now. She couldn't just pick up and leave with him like she could have before.

His throat tightened.

As if she knew what he was thinking—or perhaps she was thinking of the same thing—Rey pressed herself closer, leaning up to press a lingering kiss on his jaw. He wanted to look down at her, but feared he wouldn't be able to keep it together if he saw his own sadness mirrored back at him.

The movie came to a close, Finn standing and announcing he was leaving. He glanced at Rey and Ben, nodding at them after kissing Rose goodbye.

Rey dropped her arms, pushing herself up and standing, stretching her arms to the ceiling. Ben stood as well, glancing at Rose who was once more watching them with crossed arms. Rey, seeming to ignore her roommate, rose on her toes to kiss his cheek, smiling and ducking her eyes.

"I'll go find you a toothbrush." She glanced at her roommate. "And then we can talk."

Ben tried to smile as he nodded, but could only manage to lift the corners of his mouth. He watched her walk to the hallway and through one of the doors.

When he glanced away, he found Rose glaring at him.

"Are you going to hurt Rey again?"

Ben recoiled, blinking with his mouth open at Rose's frank question. "I'm sorry, what?"

Rose narrowed her eyes. "I said, are you going to hurt Rey again."

Ben shook his head. "When did I hurt Rey?"

Rose looked at him like he was a lunatic. "Well first, how about when you dropped her without a word to pursue your career."

He stared at Rose, trying to make sense of the sentence. "What are you talking about? That's not what happened. She is the one who ghosted me."

Rose's expression dissolved into one of confusion. "What? No. She told me the story. You decided to leave without even telling her. She left you a note, told you to meet her, and then you never showed up. You ghosted her."

Ben stared as his mind spun back to the days before he had left with Snoke. He shook his head, his voice faint. "I never found a note. I left her a note. She…She…" He shook his head. "She left because Snoke gave her ten thousand dollars."

Rose snorted. "Look around. You think Rey has ten thousand dollars? She lives on the measly stipend she gets from her scholarship."

Ben shook his head again, his vision glazing over as he thought back to those days. Snoke had told him…

It hit him like lightning. Snoke did this. He didn't know how he managed it, but if Snoke had lied to him about Rey, then that meant he had orchestrated the entire thing as a way to get Ben to sign his damned contract.

Fury flashed through him so fast, he saw red. He strode to the door, whipping it open.

"Wait," Rose said. "Where are you going?"

"Tell Rey I'll be back," he tossed over his shoulder before slamming the door behind him.

He flew down the stairs, his anger nearly blinding him as he hurried out to the street and hailed a cab. He squeezed into the back of it and told the driver the name of the hotel.

His knee jogged with restless energy as the cab made its way across the city. His mind raced, thinking back to those last horrible days, his stomach turning at the thought that Rey had believed he left her, that she had sat waiting for him only for him not to show up.

When the cab finally arrived, Ben paid, flying out of the car and into the hotel. He bypassed the elevators in favor of the stairs, taking them two at a time. He threw open the door when he arrived at the floor, nearly running down the hall to Snoke's suite and pounding on it.

He ran his fingers through his hair as he waited, pacing back and forth. He pounded on the door again, just as it opened.

Ben pushed Hux into the wall, brushing past him to where Snoke sat, holding a brandy.

"Come to beg my forgiveness?" Snoke asked, a sneer on his face.

"You lying son of a bitch," Ben growled.

Snoke's lips curved up but his eyes glinted with anger. "I'm sorry. Come again?"

"You lied to me."

Snoke's grin widened. "Which time in particular."

Ben tried to keep from yelling, but holding his temper had never been his strong suit. "You told me she took the money and left, but she didn't!" His voice broke on the last word, and he ran a shaking hand through his hair. "I just spent the last three years in hell because I thought she chose money over me, and it was you all along."

Snoke took a drink of his brandy. "Ah. Yes, I'm afraid you're right."

Ben waited a beat.

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

Snoke lifted a shoulder. "What do you expect me to say? That I'm sorry I did it? You've made me a lot of money, Ben." He chuckled. "And what are you going to do? Give it up? For her? Who is she but a nobody with no ambition? You can't give up fame and fortune for someone you'll likely tire of in a year. She isn't right for you. You're just too sentimental and stupid to see it. She's nothing but a piece of ass."

Before Ben even realized he intended to, his hand snapped forward, his knuckles cracking against the old man's nose. Snoke fell backward with a curse, his drink dropping to the carpet as blood began pouring out of his nose.

"Not to me." Ben shook his hand, trying to lessen the sting. "I'm through. I don't care about my contract. Make me a pauper. I'm not playing another song for you."

Without another word, he walked out, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

**A/N: **So the truth is finally out there. *Confetti* Now for Ben to get back to Rey and tell her what he's discovered. Thanks so much for reading. :D


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Rey heard the door close as she was searching a drawer for a spare toothbrush. She poked her head out, toothbrush in hand, and frown when she saw only Rose.

"Where's Ben?"

Rose turned to her, looking bemused. "He left."

Rey stepped out of the bathroom, her heart suddenly in her throat. "He what?"

Rose's eyes widened, and she rushed over. "No, he said he would be back. He didn't like…leave leave."

Rey's grip tightened around the toothbrush as relief swept over her. She stumbled to the couch, sitting hard as the room started spinning.

Rose sat next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder, her words coming out in a rush.

"Rey, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

Rey turned to look at her, trying to calm her racing heart. "It's ok." She bit her lip. "Why did he leave?"

Rose looked down, her cheeks reddening. She mumbled something that Rey didn't catch.

"What?"

Rose cleared her throat. "I asked him if he planned to hurt you again."

"Rose!"

"I'm sorry!"

She held up her hands as Rey stood, pacing two steps back and forth in their tiny apartment.

Rey paused, turning back to her friend. "When you asked him…what did he say?"

The bemused look returned to Rose's face. "That part I don't understand. He said he wouldn't ever hurt you. I reminded him that he left you and hurt you last time, but he insisted it was you who left him."

Rey blinked at her friend, trying to make sense of what she was saying. "I don't understand. That doesn't make any sense."

Rose nodded. "I know. But then he just like…froze. I could almost see a lightbulb go off in his head. Then he left. Walked right out the door."

Rey sat down, her mind spinning. How was it possible that he thought she left him? She had moved, but had left a note for him at his apartment. If he hadn't left her, then he would have met her…right?

She gasped, dropping her head into her hands as the puzzle clicked into place. "I'm so stupid!"

"What?" Rose placed a hand on Rey's shoulders. When Rey didn't respond, she gently shook her. "Rey? Why are you stupid?"

Rey groaned, falling back against the couch. "It was Snoke. He lied to us both."

Rose was silent a moment. "You mean Ben's manager?"

Rey nodded and sat back up as she realized where Ben was going. "Maker, he's going to confront him."

Her heart raced as fear shot down her spine. She stood up, resuming her two-step pacing. What if Snoke retaliated? Ben's bruises flashed through her mind. What if he did something worse? What if he broke Ben's fingers? What if he killed him?

Tears sprang to her eyes as the possibilities ran through her mind. She didn't have Ben's phone number, so she couldn't even text him. Why didn't she have his number?

"Ugh!"

"Rey?"

She looked at her friend.

"Help me out here," Rose said. "What's going to happen to Ben?"

She gulped, looking around as if there were answers for how to help Ben hidden in the wallpaper of her apartment.

"Rey," Rose said, her voice high. "You're kind of scaring me. What's going on?"

Rey exhaled, closing her eyes. "Snoke has been abusing Ben for the past three years."

Rose gasped. "What?"

Rey scrubbed her face. "I know. He left bruises after we slept together. That's why I brought him here. I knew something wasn't right when he stepped on the stage tonight. He was walking so stiff. I never would have thought –" She took a deep breath. "I saw the bruises on his back and abdomen after the show. We…" She glanced at Rose, heat filling her face. She cleared her throat. "We kind of started making out after the show. He took his shirt off and—Maker! Rose the bruises were horrible. I'm worried there could be damage to his organs."

Rose shook her head, looking confused. "Ben is huge. Like…he's got to be over six feet tall. Why doesn't he defend himself? Why doesn't he just leave?"

Rey groaned again. "Believe me, I know. I asked him the same question. He won't leave because Snoke has him in an iron-clad contract and if he leaves, Snoke will take all his money and his music."

Rose frowned. "Why can't he just go to the police? Surely that would get him out of the contract."

Rey looked up. "I know. He won't go because he said it'll just be his word against Snoke's. He never does it when anyone's around. Snoke is made of money. He could probably commit murder and get out of jail time."

"Is there anyone you can call?"

Rey shook her head. "I don't know his number, or his assistant's."

"What about his family?"

Rey laughed without humor. "They haven't spoken since he left. They won't know where he is and then I'll just be responsible for worrying them."

Rose was quiet for a moment. "They have a right to know that their son is being abused."

Rey closed her eyes, her shoulders sagging. "I know."

Rose was right and Rey knew it. She knew Ben's relationship with his family was tumultuous at best, but she couldn't sit back and let Ben continue living in his abuse.

"If something does happen to Ben and you don't call them, you'll never forgive yourself."

Rey nodded. Opening her eyes, she tried to smile at her friend. "I hate it when you're so rational."

Rose returned her smile, shrugging lightly. "It's my M.O."

Rey took a deep breath before going to grab her phone. She scrolled through her contacts until she found the one she was looking for.

She stared down at Luke's number. She didn't have Leia's or Han's, so she'd have to go through Luke. She tapped her finger against the side of the phone, her heart racing. Even though she knew it wasn't her fault, she still felt responsible, like if things had gone differently, Ben wouldn't be racing over to Snoke.

Taking another deep breath, she tapped her phone, holding it up to her ear as it rang.

* * *

Ben flew up the stairs to Rey's apartment. He had initially taken another cab but halfway there had asked him to pull over, too much energy to be cooped up in a taxi. He had run the rest of the way to Rey's building, sliding through the door as another resident came out.

He felt lighter than he had in years. It had all been Snoke. Rey had never left him behind. His heart clenched to think that she had believed he left her, that he had gone off with Snoke without so much as a word. The anger burned in him again as he realized how much time he had wasted, how much time with Rey he had missed. Left to their own devices, they could have been married by now.

His heart pounded in his chest as he knocked on the door. When Rey answered, he flew forward, grabbing her face in both hands and kissing her.

"I'm so sorry," he said between kisses. "I never meant to leave you." He pulled her into a hug. "It was all Snoke. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

Rey seemed to recover from his whirlwind entrance, gently pushing against him. He dropped his arms and stepped back.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

A corner of her mouth curved up. "Ben it's ok. Rose told me what happened."

He shook his head, desperate for her to understand. "He tricked me. I don't know how he did it but he stopped us from finding each other. I left you a note, but I think he had someone—probably Hux, the pasty-faced shithead—take the note so you wouldn't see it."

Rey nodded, running her hand up his arm. "I left you a note too."

"I didn't get it."

She smiled fully then and his heart gave an odd thump in his chest. "I know. I figured that part out."

Ben pulled her in for another hug. "I'm so sorry."

This time Rey melted into his embrace. "It's ok. I forgive you. It wasn't your fault."

Someone cleared their throat. Ben looked over to see Rose pointing to the hallway.

"I'm just…going to leave you two."

He heard Rey laugh against his chest as Rose skirted by them and into her own room. Ben laid his head on top of Rey's, inhaling the scent of her shampoo.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. He couldn't stop saying it. He knew it was Snoke's fault, but he couldn't help feeling responsible for the misery Rey had gone through. His heart squeezed knowing that his leaving was the reason Rey had seemed so fragile these past few days, so guarded, so unlike the woman he had left. It was all his fault. He should have figured things out sooner. He had known Rey wouldn't ghost him but had let Snoke get into his head and fill it with lies.

"I'm so sorry," he chanted, over and over again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Rey pushed him away again. "Ben." She grasped his face between her hands. "You have to stop saying you're sorry. I don't blame you."

"You should," he said. "It's my fault. I let the prospect of fame cloud my judgment. I should have known that I was being set up. It's so obvious and I'm an idiot for not figuring it out sooner."

She brushed her thumb across his cheekbone. "You're not an idiot. Neither of us figured it out, remember?" She closed her eyes, leaning her head against his chest as she dropped her hands. He could barely hear as she mumbled into his chest. "I should never have believed him that you'd leave me like that. I knew he lied to me, that you hadn't left, but I let my own fear muddy my judgment."

She pulled away. "I hadn't let myself love anyone the way that I love you. Growing up in foster care, I learned quickly not to get attached. I had been abandoned so many times that it was too easy to believe you had done the same. So, I'm the one who's sorry. I just…I shouldn't have listened to Snoke."

Ben stared at her, frozen. Did she say…? "You said love."

She frowned, looking confused.

"You didn't use the past tense," he said, watching her closely, his heart in his throat. "You said love…not loved."

Rey bit her lip, her cheeks turning red. "Yes. I did."

They stared at one another, silent. Ben wanted to shout from the mountain tops but was too terrified to move. If he moved, she might take it back, might contradict what he said, claim it was a momentary lapse in judgment.

Her eyes looked between his. She took a deep breath, and he remained frozen as she stood on her toes and kissed him. She pulled away before he had a chance to kiss her back. She clasped his hand between both of hers and pulled it to her chest.

"I love you, so much Ben Solo," she whispered.

He inhaled sharply, his mouth open and eyes bugging out of his head.

Before he even realized his intentions, he grabbed her face and kissed her back.

"Say it again."

Rey laughed as he peppered her face with kisses.

"I love you."

He wrapped his arms around her, picking her up as he squeezed tight.

"I love you so much, Rey. You don't even know. I never stopped loving you."

He set her on her feet again so that he could kiss her again. His hands had a mind of their own, roving over her. He wanted to touch all of her at once, to prove to himself that she was there, that he wasn't dreaming, that she really had just told him she loved him, even after three years apart.

He froze when he heard a sniffle and pulled away. He held her at arms-length, his thumbs brushing over her shoulders.

"What is it? What's wrong?" He looked upward, huffing at himself. "It's too much, isn't it? I'm overwhelming you. I'm sorry. I can stop. I just needed to prove that this was real, and I'm so relieved to find out that it was all Snoke."

Rey placed a hand over his mouth, laughing as she sniffed again. "Stop apologizing. You're not overwhelming me. I'm just…so happy."

His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. He felt like the Grinch, his heart growing three sizes at the happiness he saw in Rey's tear-filled eyes.

After a moment, her smile dimmed. "What about Snoke?"

He wrapped his hand around her wrist, pulling it from his mouth and kissing her knuckles.

"I left. I told him I didn't care what he did. I'm not playing for him anymore."

A wrinkle formed between her brows. "Are you ok with that?"

Ben closed his eyes, his euphoria dimming as the full weight of his decision hit him. He didn't regret it, but…

"I can write new music," he said.

Rey watched him.

He ran a hand through his hair. "It sucks. I'm not going to lie. Three years all gone, and he's going to keep reaping the rewards. I won't be able to play any of the music in the future without it going straight to him. And that's if he doesn't use his lawyers to run me into the ground, but…"

Rey twisted her hand, lacing her fingers with his. "But you won't have to be abused by him any longer," she said.

He nodded. "Yeah…"

She looked between his eyes again before she turned, tugging him behind her. "I know you don't have a change of clothes, but I left you a towel if you want to take a shower."

She stopped before the door to the bathroom, holding out the toothbrush. He took it, watching her. He didn't want to let go of her. It still felt unbelievable that the past three years had been wasted on misery when they might have been the happiest of his life.

He _had_, however, run who knew how many blocks. So, he dropped her hand, stepping into the bathroom. He paused as he closed the door. She was watching him as if she didn't want to let him go either. He opened his mouth to say something, but didn't know what.

Eventually he said, "I'll be done in a couple minutes," and closed the door.

It felt good to wash away the day. He stood under the spray longer than he intended, hit with the gravity of his impulsive decision.

There would definitely be hell to pay. Not just for leaving, but for punching Snoke. He wasn't likely to get away with it.

He scrubbed soap over his skin, harsher than he needed to. There would be hell, but it was worth it. He winced as he brushed over the bruises on his stomach. His adrenaline rush had hidden the pain, but as he crashed, the pain came back, feeling worse after running for blocks, squeezing Rey tight.

Ben smiled to himself as he rinsed off the last of the soap and turned off the water. He dried off quickly, wincing again at the aches and pains that previously been hidden. He turned his boxers inside out and slipped them on. He looked at the rest of his clothes and decided he would wait until tomorrow. He couldn't exactly sleep in a button-down dress shirt and slacks.

He gathered his clothes and opened the door, steam billowing out as he stepped into the hall. Rey's door was opposite the bathroom. He swallowed thickly, his heart feeling ready to beat out of his chest and opened the door.

He paused, a smile slipping onto his lips at the sight that greeted him. Clearly, he had been in there longer than he thought. Rey was curled on top of her bed, her lips parted as she slept. She had changed into sleep shorts and a tank top, her hair falling over her face onto the pillow.

He set his clothes over a chair and walked to her, brushing the hair from her face.

A frown marred her face as she cracked open an eye. Confusion melted into a smile as she pushed herself up.

"Hi." She rubbed her eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

She tugged on his arm and he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to take so long."

Rey leaned forward, kissing him quickly before standing and pulling the covers down. He stood when she waved a him to get under.

He stared down at the bed

"This is a twin."

"And?"

He gave her a look. "Rey, I'm six foot four. I don't fit on a twin alone. How are you both supposed to sleep here?"

Rey rolled her eyes and his heart thumped hard in his chest. That eyeroll was the first time she truly reminded him of the woman he had left behind. Perhaps she had been merely bruised instead of broken.

"Just get in the bed," she said, interrupting his thoughts and smiling at him.

Ben rolled his eyes back at her, but did has he was told and got under the covers. She shooed him until he scooted with his back nearly against the wall. She climbed next to him, turning her back to him.

They laid there a moment, him facing the back her head, before she gave an exasperated sigh.

"I have to do everything myself I see."

Before he could ask what she meant, she grabbed his hand, pulling his arm around her waist as she snuggled back against him. He smiled, kissing her hair.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep faster than he had in three years.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Rey woke slowly, feeling unusually warm and comfortable. She loved those moments when you first wake up, when life is nothing but the comfort of your bed, before harsh reality floods back in. The past three years, it had been especially difficult to wake up. For a few precious moments, she would forget that she was sad, that Ben was gone, and she would be happy. Then the truth would hit her in the head without warning the moment she cracked open her eyes.

Now, however, she smiled. Ben was in bed with her, his arms wrapped around her. Life wasn't necessarily grand, but at least she didn't have to face the reality that he was gone anymore. Instead she could revel in the feel of his arms around her, knowing it was Snoke who had separated them, that she hadn't been abandoned. This time when she cracked open her eyes, she found herself being hugged tight against Ben, his breath drifting through her hair. She snorted when she realized his hand had traveled up from her waist. His other arm had wormed its way under her and was resting on her hip. Ben had essentially hugged her to himself while they slept.

She carefully grabbed his wrist to pull a hand away so she could get up, but he tensed. His arms tightened around her, pulling him hard against him. Rey bit her lip, stuck between wanting to laugh, wanting to roll her eyes, and wanting to stay snuggled against him.

But she also had class and a meeting with Luke.

"Ben."

She kept her voice low, again trying to pry his arm away. He groaned, nuzzling her hair as he resisted her attempts to pry his hands away.

"Ben."

She spoke louder this time, finally settling on rolling her eyes. She tried turning, but his vice grip didn't allow for much movement.

"I don't wanna wake up."

Rey smiled at Ben's mumbled words.

"Why don't you want to wake up?" she whispered.

He mumbled something unintelligible. Rey was pretty certain he was still asleep.

"What? I can't hear you."

He huffed against her hair. "If I wake up, Rey will be gone. She's always gone."

Rey's heart squeezed. She pried off one of his hands, lacing her fingers through his.

"I'm not gone, Ben. I'm right here."

She felt the moment he truly woke, his whole body going tense, his fingers twitching in her hand.

"Rey?"

He sounded tentative as he relaxed his grip, allowing her to turn. She kissed him quickly on the lips, all too aware of her morning breath, and nuzzled her nose against his.

"I'm here."

Ben's adam's apple bobbed as his breath caught. She held his gaze, her heart thumping in her chest.

"Good morning," he said, softly.

Rey laughed, turning her face into his neck.

"Good morning, Ben."

There was silence.

"You're still here."

Rey pulled back to look at him again. "I'm still here. This isn't a dream."

Ben's eyes looked between hers. "If it were a dream, it would be the best dream."

Rey bit her lip, nodding. "It would be."

His eyes fell to her lips. "But it's not."

She shook her head. "But it's not."

Neither of them moved. The moment felt fragile. She knew it wasn't a dream, but neither did she want to break the moment.

Eventually, however, her bladder demanded she move.

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

She bit her lip, trying not to laugh. "I really have to pee."

He blinked at her before he broke into laughter, squeezing her close and kissing her head before relaxing his grip so she could get out of the bed.

She had just opened the door when Ben spoke again. "Don't forget to brush your teeth."

Rey gasped, laughing as she pulled his clothes—the closest things to her—and threw them at him.

"You're one to talk. Did you eat a skunk in your sleep?"

Ben laughed, catching the clothes as she tossed them. "Fair enough. I'll brush my teeth as soon as the bathroom's free."

Rey was still chuckling as she entered the kitchen after peeing and brushing her teeth. Rose was sitting on the couch, Finn eating cereal next to her. Rey rolled her eyes.

"If you're going to eat our cereal, you might as well stay the night."

Finn shrugged, shoveling more cereal into his mouth.

Rey couldn't keep the smile off her face, however, as she pulled out eggs and turned on the skillet. Today seemed like a veggie omelet sort of day. She grabbed some fresh spinach, a tomato, and mushrooms.

As she was chopping, Rose walked into the kitchen, leaning against the counter and crossing her arms.

"What are you doing, Rey?" she asked, keeping her voice low.

Rey glanced at her. "Making omelets."

Rose gave her a look. "With Ben. What are you doing?"

Rey sighed. "We just slept, Rose."

"Did you at least talk?"

Rey half-heartedly lifted a shoulder. "We were both kind of tired."

"Is he still going on tour?"

"I don't know," Rey said. "I don't think so."

"You don't think so?"

Rey sighed. "He told Snoke he was done playing for him."

A beat of silence.

"And Ben's ok with losing all his music and probably money?"

Rey flipped the omelet. "He seems to be."

"Rey."

Rey set down the spatula, rubbing her forehead. "I don't know what's going to happen, Rose, ok? We didn't talk much last night. We haven't talked about the future. I don't know anything."

Rose frowned, concern in her eyes. "I just don't want you to get hurt again."

Before Rey could comment, Ben exited the bathroom, dressed in last night's clothing.

"Uh…morning." He looked between them, clearly picking up on the tension.

"Good morning," Rose said, her voice clipped.

"Hey man." Finn waved a spoon at him.

Rey turned back to the stove, lifting an omelet onto a plate and handing it to him.

He smiled. "Thank you."

She smiled back before turning to crack more eggs into the pan.

The room was silent except for the sound of utensils scraping. Rey glanced over her shoulder to find Rose frowning at Ben, who was looking down at his eggs.

Rey turned back to her breakfast, turning off the stove and sliding the omelet onto a plate. She walked over to sit next to Ben. He already finished eating, sitting back to watch her with his lips curved up.

Finn broke the silence by announcing he had to leave. Rey glanced at the time, nearly choking when she realized she should have left five minutes ago. She shoveled in the rest of her eggs and stood, grabbing Ben's plate and tossing them both into the sink.

"I'm so late. I have to get to class."

She hurried into her room. Ben followed her in, closing the door behind him.

She bit her lip, her heart giving an odd thump as she thought of the meeting she had with Luke. She hoped she was doing the right thing.

She glanced at Ben as she rifled through her shirts.

"Promise me you won't leave until I get back," she said

There was a beat of silence.

"I can't avoid Snoke forever."

Rey closed her eyes, her heart sinking at the reminder. "I know. Just…just don't leave until I come back."

She pulled off her tank top and pulled her shirt over her head. What if he hated her for going to Luke? She didn't see any other option for helping him, but would Ben see it that way? He had refused to seek his family's help before. She was hoping it was only because he felt he had burned bridges and not because he genuinely didn't want their help.

She glanced at him again when he didn't respond.

"Please?"

She shucked off her sleeping shorts and pulled on yoga pants.

Ben nodded. "Ok."

She exhaled in relief, slipping on her ballet flats. She grabbed her backpack and stood on tip toe to kiss Ben.

"Thank you."

His expression softened. "Of course."

She glanced at her phone. "I really have to go. I'll be back by mid-afternoon, I promise."

He nodded, following her back out of her room. She glanced over her shoulder as she pulled the door closed.

She really hoped she was doing the right thing.

* * *

Rey played scales, her fingers running up and down the keys. Listening to someone play scales was probably incredibly annoying, but playing them was soothing. Something about the monotony helped calm her down as she waited for Luke to arrive. She didn't have a session scheduled with him that day, but he had agreed to meet when she said it was important. He likely thought she was getting nervous about her upcoming performance.

The truth was she hadn't given much thought to her senior performance the past several days. Everything with Ben had overshadowed any nerves she had.

She didn't hear the door open, lost in her thoughts, and jumped when someone cleared their throat, her fingers crashing to a halt with a discordant noise.

Putting a hand over her heart, she turned to Luke. "You startled me."

Luke's eyebrows rose, but he didn't respond. He dragged a chair over, the legs scratching against the carpet, and sat.

"What's going on?"

Rey took a big breath, holding it a moment before exhaling. "Ben needs help."

Whatever Luke had expected her to say, it clearly hadn't been that. His mouth popped open and his eyebrows were nearly in his hairline.

Rey rushed on. "Before you tell me that he doesn't like you or he could come to you himself, I know that, but he really needs help and I think his family are the only ones who can help him."

Luke snapped his mouth shut, nodding once. "Okay. What mess has my nephew gotten himself into?"

Rey ignored his slightly bitter tone, knowing it was useless to point it out. "It's Snoke." She paused, trying to rein in her emotions. "He…He hits Ben."

Luke recoiled. He opened his mouth to speak, but Rey spoke before he could, spilling the entire story of what happened three years ago and what had happened the past several days, ending with Ben punching Snoke and telling him he wasn't playing for him anymore.

Luke listened with his elbow resting on his arm, his hand covering his mouth. When she finally stopped talking, there was prolonged silence.

Luke dropped his hand. "Wow. I see Ben still does nothing in half measures."

"Will you hep him?" Rey twisted her fingers together.

Luke stood and began pacing the room. "Are you sure he even wants my help?"

Rey shook her head. "No, I'm not, actually. I suggested he ask his family for help and he brushed it off…but that was also before he knew what Snoke did. I'm hoping things are different now."

Luke stopped, facing her with his arms crossed, a slight frown on his face. "Why are you coming to me behind his back?"

Rey inhaled, holding a moment before letting the breath whoosh out of her. "Because I'd rather ask for forgiveness than permission? I just…making sure Ben is safe is more important to me than making sure he's not angry with me." She cut off, her voice choking up. "You didn't see the bruises, Luke. I'm really worried one day Snoke might kill him, accidental or not. Not to mention what he's going to do, or try to do, about the contract. Ben certainly isn't going to get out of breaking the contract unscathed."

Luke hummed in agreement. "No. He certainly won't." He stared at Rey, looking as if he were assessing her. She looked down, fidgeting. "He doesn't deserve you, you know."

Rey shook her head. "No. You're wrong. I don't deserve him. I wouldn't be here now if he hadn't pushed me to audition for Juilliard. I'd just be another foster statistic."

"Hmm," Luke said. "Agree to disagree on not deserving him, but he is my nephew, and despite what he might think, I don't want him to come to harm." He paced a few steps. "I think it's best we get Leia involved. She has more money and, most importantly, an excellent lawyer."

Rey exhaled in relief. "Thank you."

* * *

Rey chewed her lip as she walked up the stairs. She knew she did the right thing, and of course Leia had agreed to help. She would be sending her best lawyer over to consult with Ben later that afternoon. Rey had requested she have some time to explain to Ben what she had done.

She took a deep breath and then unlocked the door.

It was thrown open before she had a chance to do more than put her hand on the knob. She was yanked inside, Ben's lips on hers before she had a chance to react.

"I missed you," he said between kisses, closing the door and pressing her against it.

Rey dropped her bag. She put her hands on his chest, but rather than push him away, she fisted his shirt.

"Rose isn't here," he said, kissing his way up her jaw to her ear.

Reminding herself that she had to talk to him first, Rey forced her fingers to loosen their grip on his shirt, and gently pushed him away.

"Wait," she said, stepping around him. Ben turned, looking confused. "We have to talk first. There's…there's something I need to tell you."

Ben frowned. "Ok."

She chewed her lip again, before taking a deep breath and forcing herself to just rip off the band-aid.

"I told Luke and your mother everything. They want to help you. Leia is sending over a lawyer to talk to you later this afternoon."

Ben stared at her, his lips parted. "What?"

Rey rushed to him, grabbing his hands. "I know you didn't want to go to them, but Ben, they want to help you. I've seen them these past three years, and neither of them, especially Leia, has been the same since you left. I know you don't think it, but they love you. Leia was livid when I told her what Snoke has done to you. Please don't turn away their help."

She forced herself to stop talking. Her heart was beating a mile a minute as she waited, fearing that he would be angry. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't worried about losing him again, but if he got away from Snoke, it would be worth it. At least this time she would know their separation meant something, that Ben wasn't just abandoning her.

Ben pulled his hand out of hers, and her heart sank as he paced a few steps away, running a hand through his hair. He kept his back to her and it was all Rey could do not to run to him and apologize.

She couldn't—wouldn't—apologize. Not for helping him. All that mattered to her was making sure he was safe.

Rey frowned when she thought she heard a sniffle, Ben tilting his head back. When she heard another, however, she hurried to him.

"Ben, what's wrong? What is it?"

She reached out to touch him, but pulled back, not sure he wasn't upset with her. He looked down, his eyes full of emotion as tears streaked down his face.

"I love you so much, Rey," he said, his voice hoarse.

She stared at him, not entirely certain she had heard him correctly. He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing, his face turned into her neck. The fear left, taking her tension with it. She wrapped her hands around his back, standing on tip toe. She rubbed her hands up and down his back as he shook, sniffling. She could feel his tears falling onto her neck and shoulder.

They stayed like that for several minutes, until Ben finally pulled away, rubbing the back of his hand across his nose, his eyes red. His face was flushed, his ears so red they looked sunburnt.

"Sorry." He looked away. Rey watched him. She rubbed her hands up and down his arms, giving him time to think. "I don't think I realized how hard these past three years have been. I was always so focused on losing you, but…" he looked back at her. "I miss my family, Rey. My parents and uncle aren't perfect, and I'm not sure I even fully forgive them for messing with my life, but…they're my family. I thought…" He sighed. "I thought leaving like I did meant I couldn't ever go back."

Rey reached for him, but before she could speak, his phone started buzzing on the coffee table. They both turned to look at it.

"I'll just let it go to voicemail," he said.

Rey shook her head, grabbing it and holding it out to him. "It might be your family or the lawyer. You should answer."

Ben grabbed the phone. Glancing down, he sighed as he tapped to answer, holding the phone to his ear. "What is it Gwen?"

Rey frowned when all the color drained out of his face.

"What?" The words came out hollow. He stumbled over to the couch, sitting hard. "What happened?"

Rey crossed to the couch and sat next to him, her heart beating rapidly as dread fell over her like a blanket. Something was very wrong.

Ben nodded, seeming to forget Gwen couldn't see him. "Ok, thanks…No. I'm with Rey…Yeah. Thanks Gwen."

He pulled the phone away, tapping to end the call. He looked at Rey, shock and fear in his expression.

"What happened?" she asked, premonition sending chills down her spine.

Ben swallowed hard. "Snoke is dead."


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Rey's eyes widened, her mouth popping open.

"What?"

Ben stumbled over to the couch, sitting hard as the room spun. He closed his eyes, his head falling into his hands, his elbows on his knees. His heart was racing, and he wasn't sure if it was happiness or fear he was feeling.

Maybe both.

"He…Hux found Snoke this morning," he said, his voice hoarse. "They-They think he might have had a stroke." His heart thumped oddly. "Gwen said they saw his black eye, that Hux told them it was me."

He looked up, startled to see Rey looking so pale.

She shook her head. "You punched him once. That wouldn't kill him."

Ben started laughing. Rey watched him with a worried expression as he doubled over, unable to stop laughing. A faint part of him realized he was probably in shock.

It wasn't funny. Not in the slightest. Whatever else he felt for Snoke, he hadn't wanted the man dead. But his death was rather convenient for Ben, who no longer had to worry about getting out of his contract.

He saw Rey get up out of the corner of his eye. He kept trying calm down, only to start laughing again.

Why couldn't he stop?

Gwen had warned him the police were likely to come speak to him. He wouldn't be charged though, right? It was one punch.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He sucked in a breath, holding it, his shoulder shaking from the effort to stop laughing. Looking up, he saw Rey holding out a cup of tea.

The fear in her expression killed the laughter he had been trying to suppress.

He swallowed, breathing deeply and taking the cup from her.

"Thank you…and sorry." He cleared his throat, tapping a finger against the side of the mug. "I don't know why I'm laughing."

Rey sat next to him, watching him closely. "It's ok. It's a huge shock."

Ben groaned, sitting back. He cursed. "I'm going to go to jail for this."

Rey bit her lip, not contradicting him. She pulled out her phone without speaking, scrolling through until she found the number she was looking for.

Ben frowned, taking a sip of his tea.

He nearly choked when Rey spoke.

"Leia?"

He coughed and set the mug aside as Rey stood, pacing her small apartment, filling his mother in on the situation. His heart squeezed, both wanting and not wanting to know what his mother was saying. Would she help him?

Did he even deserve it?

He downed his mug of tea and then grabbed Rey's, downing it as well while she nodded and uh-huh'd to his mother on the phone. When he was finished with Rey's tea, his fingers itched for something else to do. He settled on drumming them against his bouncing knee as he watched Rey bite her thumbnail and pace her tiny living room. He resisted the urge to grab the phone and speak to his mother directly.

It had been a long time since he had had to fight that urge.

He took a deep breath as fear hit him all over again. His life was over. It hadn't taken Luke or his mother to do it. He had managed to ruin his life all on his own.

Luke had certainly warned him plenty to keep his temper under control.

This was all his fault.

Now he really would be parted from Rey.

"Ok, thank you, Leia."

He shook his head to clear it as Rey looked over at him after ending the call. She took a deep breath, tossing her phone on the couch as she sat next to him and grabbed his hands.

"Leia said she's sending over a lawyer. If the police come before she gets here, go with them, but tell them you're not going to answer any questions until your lawyer is present."

Ben nodded, shock pulsing through him anew that his mother was sending a lawyer to him when they hadn't spoken in three years. He didn't know what to feel. Too many emotions were fighting for space in his mind.

He still couldn't quite believe Snoke was dead.

"Ben?"

He looked up at Rey.

She bit her lip. "Are you ok?"

Ben stared at her, unsure how to answer. Finally, he settled on telling her the truth. "I don't know."

Rey scooted closer, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, nearly sitting on his lap as she rested her head on his shoulder. He inhaled deep, the scent of Rey's shampoo relaxing him. He exhaled, feeling the tension melt away as he pulled her close, pulled her fully onto his lap. He rested his cheek against the top of her hair as she squeezed him tighter.

She didn't tell him it would be alright, and he appreciated it. After so many lies for so much of his life, he didn't want to be coddled with them.

He didn't know how long they sat like that, not saying anything, but they both jumped as there was a knock at the door.

Rey stood and walked to the door as Ben rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms against his pants.

When the door opened, he sighed in relief as a tall, thin woman handed Rey her business card.

"Amilyn Holdo. I'm here to see Ben. His mother sent me."

Rey nodded, stepping aside and gesturing for her to enter. "Of course."

Ben stood as his mother's good friend and family lawyer walked to him, a wistful expression on her face.

"I wish I could say that it's good to see you," he said by way of greeting.

She nodded. "I can't say that I'm excited by the circumstances either." She put a hand on Ben's arm, squeezing it. "But I promise you, I am going to do everything I can to make sure you're safe."

She looked around, seeming to look for a place to sit and speak with him.

Ben gestured to the couch. "We can sit here. It's fine."

Amilyn nodded, looking at Rey. "I hate to ask you to leave us, in your own home, but I need to speak with Ben privately."

Rey blinked. "Oh." She started walking away. "Of course. I'll go to my room."

Ben reached out to stop her. "No." He looked at Amilyn. "Rey stays."

Amilyn's smile was understanding as she spoke. "Ben, there are questions best answered in privacy."

"Rey stays." His grasp on Rey's arm tightened when she opened her mouth to speak.

Amilyn looked between them and then nodded. "Of course, if that's what you wish."

They sat, Amilyn asking him to recount his version of what happened with Snoke, asking him questions about his relationship with the man, the contents of the contract, the lies Snoke told him. Ben spilled it all, leaving out nothing, even when it hurt to see Rey flinch at the things Snoke had done to him, had said about her.

He was scared—terrified really—but having someone he had known his whole life helping him, someone who might almost have been a second mother, helped ease some of the stress.

They had just finished speaking when there was another knock at the door. Rey opened it, two police officers standing outside.

"We're hear to speak with a Ben Solo. We were told he could be found here."

Ben stood, his heart hammering. "I'm Ben Solo."

Rey stood back to allow them to enter after Amilyn nodded at her.

Amilyn stood next to Ben, nodding at the officers. "I'm Amilyn Holdo, Mr. Solo's attorney."

The two officers glanced at each other, not looking happy. "Mr. Solo, we'd like you to come with us to the station. We have a few questions we'd like to ask you."

Ben swallowed, nodding as he glanced at Amilyn. "Of course. Ms. Holdo will be accompanying me."

They nodded.

Rey bit her lip as Ben squeezed her hand, going to put on his shoes. He tried not to think of her scared expression as he followed the officers down the stairs.

* * *

Rey wished she knew how to get into contact with Gwen. She didn't want to make Ben go back to the hotel, not after everything that had happened. He would of course stay with her.

She nearly smiled at the thought of sharing her twin bed with him. She had best get used to sleep in on her left side.

She had managed to hold it together when Ben was around, but the minute Rose walked through the door, Rey burst into tears, spilling everything.

Rose had stared at Rey, mouth agape, letting her talk as tears fell down her cheeks.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Rose." She swiped her hand across her nose. "I can't lose him again. Not like this."

Anger flared in her chest. It felt like the perfect revenge somehow, that Snoke had waited to die until after Ben had punched him. He couldn't have died the day before that?

Snoke couldn't win. Not after everything he had put them through.

"I don't think dying counts as winning," Rose said, the corners of her mouth turned up.

Rey huffed a laugh. "Did I say that out loud?"

Rose nodded. "You did indeed."

"It's just…too much. How can this happen?" She looked up, more tears spilling down her cheeks. "Haven't we been through enough? Can't we just be happy?"

Rose didn't say anything, reaching to grab Rey's hand and give it a squeeze. "I wish I could say that everything will be fine. Instead I'll just say what you already know. I'm here if you need me."

Rey jumped for what felt like the millionth time that day at a knock at the door. They glanced at each other before Rey stood, swiping her hands across her cheeks.

She opened the door to find Gwen on her doorstep. Rey was so happy to see her that without thinking she flew forward and hugged the Amazonian woman.

She pulled away almost immediately, her cheeks heating as Gwen blinked down at her, clearly surprised.

"I'm so sorry." She stepped back, letting Gwen through the door. "I'm just so happy to see you. I didn't know how to get ahold of you, and I didn't want to make Ben go back to the hotel, but he needs to get all of his things because I want him to stay with me, but I didn't know how to reach you, and I've already said that, and I'm sorry, I'm babbling."

Rey clamped her mouth shut. Gwen had watched her word vomit with her eyebrows raised, amusement hinting at the corners of her mouth.

She gestured to the suitcase she had wheeled in behind her. Rey hadn't even noticed it.

"I figured Ben wouldn't want to go back to the hotel and took the liberty of packing his belongings and bringing them here." She looked around. "Is he here?"

Rey shook her head. "He's at the police station."

Gwen's lips pressed together, but Rey noticed the panic in her eyes as she nodded. "Of course."

They stood awkwardly before Rey blurted out. "Let me take you to my room." She shook her head. "I mean, let me—I'll just take Ben's suitcase…" she held out her hand, her voice dropping off, "…if that's alright."

Gwen pulled the suitcase up so Rey could grab the handle. She felt ridiculous, but something about that woman made her nervous. Maybe it was carry-over from thinking she was Ben's girlfriend.

Maybe she just wanted Gwen to like her.

Rey hurried to her room, setting the suitcase by her tiny closet. There wouldn't be any room for Ben's stuff, but they'd make do.

She walked back out to find Rose filling a cup with water.

"I'm so sorry," Rey said, horror filling her at her lack of hospitality. "I didn't offer you a drink."

"It's ok, Rey," Rose said. "I'm getting it, and you're understandably not yourself."

Rey nodded, sitting hard on the couch as Gwen accepted the glass.

Silence descended. Rey didn't know what to say to Gwen, but Gwen seemed perfectly at ease, standing by the door and looking around as she sipped at her water. Rose, stood, then sat, and then stood again, seeming unsure of what to do with herself.

Rey's mind turned back to Ben, glancing at her phone to see how long he had been gone. Several hours.

What if he didn't come back?

What if they arrested him?

She closed her eyes, reminding herself that he could pay bail…most likely at least. His parents were wealthy.

She blinked when she remembered, Ben was also wealthy. He could probably pay his own bail. He was probably going to pay for his lawyer himself.

She glanced around the small apartment, feeling silly for thinking that he would be staying with her. He would probably find an apartment…though those were certainly not easy to come by in New York.

She worried her lip, fresh tears coming to her eyes as her thoughts ran rampant with all the things that could happen.

She jumped up when there was a knock on the door, rushing to it before Gwen could so much as put her hand on the knob.

Pulling it open, she gasped, standing on tip toe to wrap her arms around Ben's shoulders, kissing his cheek.

"I'm so glad you're back," she whispered in his ear, tears making her voice choke up.

Ben squeezed her back, but pulled away after a moment. "I'm glad to be back."

He stiffened in surprise as he looked over her shoulder. "Gwen?"

Gwen waved, her white knuckled grip on her glass the only indication that she was anything but calm.

"Hello, Ben."

Rey tried not to let her heart fall as he walked past her to hug his assistant. She reminded herself they weren't a couple, had never been one.

Ben loved her. She knew that. She was being stupid.

Gwen looked completely surprised, her mouth popping open and her arms hanging at her sides. Ben pulled away.

"How did you find the apartment?"

Gwen shrugged. "It's not that hard to locate someone when you know their first and last name."

Rey closed the door, going over to stand by Rose. Her friend gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, seeming to sense Rey's unease.

She reminded herself again that she was being stupid. Now was not the time to feel jealous or hurt by Ben's reaction. He had technically spent more time with Gwen than he ever had with Rey. It was only natural they'd be friends, that he'd be relieved to see her.

"What happened at the police station?" Rose asked.

Ben sighed, running a hand through his hair as he sat. "They asked me a bunch of questions. They didn't arrest me, but Amilyn thinks they will. They told me not to leave the city."

Rey's heart stopped. "You're…you're going to be charged?"

She sat hard as her legs gave out. Even Gwen looked shocked.

"It was Hux."

Everyone turned to Gwen in surprise.

She took a deep breath. "I got him to tell me what happened. He was the one Snoke sent to steal your letters. That's why you never got them."

Ben stood, cursing. "I knew it was him! I knew it!"

Both Rey and Gwen reached for him as he started to take a step towards the door, his hands curled into fists.

"Stop!" Gwen said. "You can't go punching more people when the last person you punched died."

"Or…really ever?" Rose supplied.

Ben inhaled, closing his eyes. He seemed to force himself to relax his hands. "You're right." He shrugged out of their hands, running his hands through his hair again.

Rey's emotions were all over the place. She didn't know Hux, but she could only imagine how it felt for Ben.

Ben turned around, his voice loud. "How can you be with that asshole?"

Gwen crossed her arms. "I'm not."

Ben recoiled, blinking rapidly as his mouth popped open. "What?"

She shrugged. "I broke up with him after he confessed everything. I had already planned to break up with him after he told the police about you punching Snoke, but thought it might be a good idea to get some info out of him first."

Rey frowned. "But they would have found out about Ben hitting Snoke anyway, right? He had bruising."

Gwen nodded. "Yes, but he volunteered the information as soon as they arrived. He wanted to make Ben pay."

Ben shook his head. "For what? Not liking him?"

Gwen snorted. "For costing him a lucrative job."

Ben blanched. "Maker. Gwen. I'm sorry."

She frowned. "For what?"

"You're not going to have a job anymore. I can give you references though. The best references. I'll ask my mother if she knows anyone looking for a fantastic PA."

Gwen raised her eyebrows. "Are you firing me?"

Ben shook his head, nonplussed. "No, but I can't exactly afford to pay you anymore."

"Why?"

Ben looked at Rey for help. Rey shrugged back at him, just as confused.

"I'm going to go to jail, most likely," he said, "and even if I don't, I'm not going to be touring anymore."

Gwen snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. Of course, you are. I'll be your manager from now on."

"I…probably can't afford you, Gwen."

Gwen smiled. "Oh, I know you can't, but I fully intend to keep you busy enough to pay my exorbitant salary.."

"Gwen, I'm probably going to jail for manslaughter."

Rey swallowed at his blunt statement, trying to tamp down on the fear.

Gwen snorted. "Not bloody likely. You're rich. You'll probably get off. Plus, it's not your fault the man had a stroke hours after you punched him. And that's not even mentioning the fact that you have your own bruises. I assume you showed them to the police."

Ben nodded once.

"You see? You'll get acquitted on the basis of self-defense."

"Hux was there."

Gwen shrugged. "It's your word against his at this point. I'm sure once you point out his part in getting you trapped into a contract, everything will work out."

Ben stared at her. "Everything will work out?" He huffed. "Gwen, this is serious."

She narrowed her eyes. "I know it's serious, but this isn't the end for you, Ben. I'll testify if I need to, of all the times I pieced you back together after Snoke hit you." She tapped her chin, speaking to herself. "You should probably get some tests done to see if there is any internal damage. If there is, I'm sure it'll help you."

Ben sighed, walking over to Rey on the couch and sitting with his head against the back of the couch. "Amilyn suggested the same thing."

"See?"

Silence fell over the room, everyone lost in their thoughts. Rey tried to calm herself as _I'm probably going to jail for manslaughter_ played on a loop in her mind.

"Well," Gwen said, breaking the silence. "I should get going. Call me if you need anything, Ben."

Ben tilted his head down to look at her. "Thank you, Gwen. For everything."

She nodded. "Of course."

Gwen walked out the door, and Rose mumbled something about leaving the two of them alone.

Once they were alone, Rey climbed onto Ben's lap again, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his neck. She snuggled into him as he wrapped his arms around her as well.

They sat, silent, each lost in their thoughts until well into the night.

* * *

**A/N: **Believe it or not, there is only one more chapter and an epilogue left. I thought there would be more, but realized there was a bunch of stuff in my outline that I don't think fits the fic anymore. I'm not going to spend any time in the legal stuff. I don't think it'll add anything to the fic, will screw with the pacing and feel of the fic, and would rather get to that HEA. So! Just wanted to give you a warning that the end is nigh! Thanks so much to all of you who've been reading. :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Ben groaned at the sound of voices outside the door, not quite awake, but not quite asleep either. He reflexively tightened his arm around Rey's waist.

"Ben."

Rey's whisper hardly registered as he nosed through her hair, humming in contentment.

Rey's shoulders shook underneath him.

"Ben," she said, laughter making her voice shake. "I can't breathe. You're crushing me."

Ben jerked, her words finally penetrating his sleep-addled mind. He relaxed his grip and she turned around to face him.

Speaking into her hand, she said, "I think someone's here."

He kissed her forehead, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to his chest.

"So?" His throat suddenly felt thick as the previous day's events came rushing back at him. "We didn't get to sleep until late."

Before Rey could respond, someone knocked on her bedroom door. Rey pulled away and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"Come in."

The door cracked open and Rose stuck her head in. Surprisingly, she looked at him instead of Rey. "Your mother and uncle are here."

He stiffened in shock. His heart started thudding hard in his chest as his mind started to race.

Why had they come? Did his mother want to talk about what he had done? She had sent the lawyer, but that didn't mean she wasn't angry at him for getting into this situation again. Rey said she was livid at what Snoke had done, but that didn't excuse the things Ben had done in the past.

He also still wasn't entirely certain he ready to forgive either her or Luke for lying to him for so many years, for purposely trying to drive him away from his passion.

When Rey reached out to brush the hair off his forehead, he realized he hadn't responded. He looked at Rey, unsure what to say.

Rey turned to Rose. "Tell them we'll be right out."

Rose nodded and closed the door.

Rey turned back to him. He frowned, nerves making his stomach feel like birds had taken residence inside rather than butterflies.

She brushed her fingers through his hair. "You have to face them sometime."

He tried to smile, but only managed a lip twitch. "Do I?"

"They want to help you."

He swallowed, his throat feeling like sandpaper.

Rey cupped his cheek. "Please hear them out?"

He looked at her, at the hope in her eyes. For some reason, she needed him to reconcile with his family.

He supposed not having a family meant she envisioned a storybook ending, where all is forgiven and they get to spend holidays gathered around a fire and singing.

He realized that he wanted to give her that. He wanted to give her anything and everything. If he could wave a wand and banish the threat of jailtime, he would. In fact, if he had a magic wand, he'd wave away the past three years. He never wanted to see Rey crushed like that again. Only now that she was more like the woman he had left behind—vibrant and happy—did he realize just how crushed she had been. If it didn't hurt so much to know he had been the cause, he might have been tempted to revel in the knowledge that losing him had meant as much to her as losing her had to him.

"Ok," he said.

Her shoulders visibly relaxed. She stood, grasping his hand and pulling him up. He pulled her into a hug.

"Morning, by the way," he said into her hair.

She chuckled, hugging him tight in return. "Good morning."

He smelled her hair, yesterday's shampoo scent hardly noticeable. He loved smelling her hair. He couldn't really put a finger on the reason, except that it was Rey and he loved everything about her. He had also read once that pheromones were given off through the head, so maybe that was it.

"Ben?"

"Hmm?"

Rey pulled away. "Your family is waiting."

He sighed. "Fine."

He dropped his arms. Best to go get this meeting over with.

He pulled a shirt on. It was awkward enough walking out of Rey's bedroom in his pajamas. Best not to walk out in only his boxers.

Rey clasped his hand, pulling him the two steps to the door.

They stepped out into the tiny hallway and found his mother and uncle sitting at the small table just off the kitchen. He tried to hide his surprise as his mother stood.

She had aged.

Surely, she hadn't looked that old when he had left. Her hair was almost entirely gray, there more lines on her face, and bags under her eyes. Technically she was still as well put together as always, but she looked haggard.

His glanced at Luke, noting the same was true of his uncle. His hair was gray and much longer than he remembered it. His beard could use trimming, and he looked like he hadn't slept.

"Ben."

His eyes snapped back to his mother's unusually soft voice. Her fingers twitched on the table, as if itching to run to him.

He swallowed, his mouth now feeling stuffed with cotton.

"Hello."

As if she could stand it no longer, his mother exhaled, striding around the table. He puffed in shocked when she wrapped her arms around him, her head under his chin.

"My beautiful boy, I'm so sorry."

Ben looked at Rey, who appeared just as shocked as he was by his usually stoic mother's greeting. He couldn't even hug her back because she had his arms pinned to his sides.

"Leia, let the boy breathe or you'll risk killing him before you have the chance to apologize."

Ben looked over to his uncle. Luke nodded at him, his expression solemn. Leia pulled away and Ben was astounded to see her wiping her eyes.

"Of course, I'm so sorry."

She inhaled deeply, seeming to center herself before she walked back to her chair.

Ben and Rey followed her to the round table, taking the two remaining chairs. He grasped Rey's hand under the table, needing her presence to steady himself.

Ben looked between them both, unsure how to start talking. He wanted to apologize for leaving without word, for losing his temper, but he just didn't know where to begin.

"Ben, I'm so sorry."

He turned to his mother as she spoke. She was the most contrite he had ever seen her, sitting with her hands in her lap rather than clasped on the table as she usually did. His mother was a strong woman and expert negotiator. She always sat with her hands on the table and an intelligent glint in her eye.

The only thing he saw in her eye now was remorse.

She spoke again before he had a chance to process her second apology.

"I pushed you away. This is my fault. I was never there for you and then I pushed you away because I was so afraid you would hurt me."

His mouth popped open as he felt a pain through his heart. He had done exactly that. He had hurt her.

She hurried on. "I don't blame you for leaving. I should have warned you properly about Snoke. I didn't know you were meeting him because I was never in your life enough, and when I was, I was too focused on how much you were like my father. I never –" Her voice cracked. She cleared her throat. "I never stopped to see how much like Han you are."

Ben blinked. He had never been compared to his father before. He wondered where Han was, whether he was angry at Ben or hurt or perhaps indifferent.

"He wanted to be here," Leia continued, seeming to see the question in his face. "I…I thought it would be better for Luke and I to meet with you first, but we would love it if you and Rey came to lunch at home. Han hasn't been the same since you left."

"How am I like dad?"

It wasn't the question Ben expected to ask first, but he had once upon a time admired his father, had wanted to be like him.

Luke snorted. "Are you kidding? You may have gotten the Skywalker temper and talent, but that side of you that softens those rough edges? That's all Han. Not to mention, Han always got the girl."

Ben's mouth fell open once more as Luke winked at Rey. She squeezed his hand underneath the table.

"I –" Ben still wasn't sure what to say.

"You don't have to forgive me," Leia said. "Not yet, or ever. I just wanted you to know that I love you so much, and I'm sorry for driving you away. These past three years have been the worst of my life."

Ben's throat grew thick, his eyes beginning to sting. "I forgive you, Mom."

The moment he spoke those words, he knew they were true. Perhaps there was still trust to be regained, but he had never seen his mother admit blame so openly, without a "but" after her apology. Not to mention knowing that he might not forgive her and acknowledging it was ok. He had waited his whole life to have his mother tell him she loved him so openly, without expecting him to return the sentiment.

He grew alarmed when her eyes filled and she clasped a hand over her mouth.

She closed her eyes as a tear slipped through, her shoulders shaking. Luke patted her on the shoulder as Ben stared open-mouthed, shame washing over him as his mother completely broke.

Rey leaned over, speaking low in his ear. "Go hug your mother."

He nodded, still stunned, and walked around the table. Leia stood, wrapping her arms around him again and sobbing into his shirt.

Feeling awkward, he wrapped his arms around her, his own eyes filling with tears.

"I'm so sorry."

He cleared his throat. "Mom, it's ok. I forgive you. And…I'm sorry too."

She squeezed her arms, hugging him tighter.

"I shouldn't have left without a word. I should have called you when things started going bad, when Snoke—when I realized what he really was."

Leia shook her head, speaking into his chest. "I don't blame you for not calling, after the way Luke and I behaved, the way we betrayed your trust, manipulated you. How could you be expected to think we would help you?"

He pulled away, still stunned by his mother's open and raw emotions, her red eyes and tear-stained face.

"Forgive each other?" he asked.

She nodded sniffing. "Of course."

Ben felt his chest expand as he hugged his mother again. A weight he hadn't even realized he had been carrying lifted off him. He had been so focused the past three years over the weight of losing Rey that he had never fully realized how much the loss of his family—even if it was his fault—had affected him.

After several moments, they pulled apart, Leia patting his cheek before sitting back in her chair.

Ben walked back around the table and sat. He opened his mouth to say something to his uncle—though he wasn't exactly sure what—but before he could, Luke spoke first.

"I was never going to go through with the expulsion."

Ben recoiled in shock, blinking rapidly. Whatever he had expected Luke to say, it wasn't that.

He looked down. "I would have deserved it."

"No."

The word was sharp. Ben looked up to see his uncle frowning.

"I had spent your entire education berating you, baiting you, being nasty to you, all while trying to steer you away from your passion. Your mother isn't the only one who was guided by fear of how much like Anakin you are. But what both of us forgot was what a fantastic musician Anakin was. He was a visionary and so are you."

Ben blinked, completely stunned. Luke leaned forward, speaking fervently.

"Ben, I have followed your career these past three years. I've listened to every song, and you are a _master_ musician." Luke huffed a laugh, sitting back. "Certainly better than a half-rate teacher at Juilliard."

"Hey," Rey said in mock sternness. "You certainly were a wonderful teacher to me."

Luke smirked. "Yes, I was, wasn't I?" He turned back to Ben. "And I should have been to you as well. I'm very sorry, and I hope you'll forgive me, though I would ask you to spare me the sappy hug you gave your mother."

Ben snorted, the corners of his mouth twitching up. Another weight lifted off his shoulders, leaving him feeling lighter than he had any right to feel, given the uncertainty over what the police would do with him.

"I don't want to hug you anyway," Ben said, smirking. "But I do want to forgive you."

Luke nodded. "Thank you."

They sat is silence, Rey grabbing and squeezing Ben's hand again.

Leia broke the silence after a few moments. "We both need to get going." She stood, looking between him and Rey. "Can I expect you both at the house for lunch?"

Ben glanced at Rey and then nodded. "Yes. We'll be there."

Leia came around the table again, hugging him for the third time, doubling the number of times she had hugged him to date. Patting his cheek, she turned to the door.

Luke stuck his hand out. Ben shook it, nodding at Luke.

"See ya around, kid." He winked at Rey and then followed Leia out the door.

Ben stared at the closed door, stunned by the turn the morning had taken and trying to process it.

He heard Rey moving around as he sat at the table, staring at the door. He jumped when she touched his shoulder and set an omelet down in front of him.

She had just sat down when he blurted, "Move in with me."

Rey's eyes fluttered in surprise.

Ben turned more fully to her.

"I know this is incredibly soon since we've only been together for less than two days, but we were together for much longer than that before and I wanted to move in with you then. These three years apart have only taught me that I'm never going to love anyone the way that I love you."

Rey opened her mouth but he continued before she could.

"And I know you don't have much money, and working for the New York Philharmonic won't give you an extravagant pay, but I don't care. I'll live in a crappy studio apartment if you insist on splitting the cost of rent. I just know that I want to wake up next to you every day in a bed bigger than a twin. I want to eat omelets every morning. I want to watch crappy rom coms on the couch and fall asleep with you in my arms."

He reached out to cup either side of her cheeks, his thumb stroking her lip.

"I don't want to ever leave you again." He licked his lips. "I know that I may not have a choice, but even if I do get pinned for manslaughter, I never want to leave. I need you to know that. If I could stitch myself to your hip I would do it."

He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her lips. She reached up, placing her hands over his. He pulled away, suddenly very aware that he still hadn't brushed his teeth.

Rey bit her lip, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Yes."

His heart stopped. "Yes?"

She smiled, nodding. "Yes. I'll live with you."

She pulled his hands away from her face, clasping them tightly in her lap. She looked between his eyes, hers filling with tears, her smile letting him know they were happy tears.

"I never want to be away from you again, either."

* * *

**A/N:** This might be a record for updating where I didn't already have a chapter pre-written. Anyway, there is only the epilogue remaining now! :O


	22. Chapter 22

**Epilogue **

Three Years Later

**Ben and Rey Solo Performing Live For The First Time **

_Ben Solo, formerly known as Kylo Ren, and Rey Solo will be performing together for the first time tonight at Carnegie Hall. Their popular transformative collaboration _Solo Duets_ was released nearly six months ago to both critical and popular acclaim. The album recently crossed the Gold threshold and if the momentum continues, could be on track to reach platinum by the end of the year. Gwen Phasma, manager of the couple, states both Ben and Rey are looking forward to the performance._

_Tonight's performance will also mark the couple's return to the public since their marriage last month. The couple's unusual romance began when Rey was living homeless in New York City while Ben was still a student at Juilliard, before his infamous deal with the late Snoke. _

_Snoke's untimely passing nearly spelled the end for Ben, who was arrested several days after his manager's death on charges of manslaughter. Ben was acquitted after several months of testimony when photographs of the abuse he had endured at the hands of his former manager convinced the jury his punch to Snoke had been an act of self-defense…._

Ben jumped at a knock on the door, looking up from his phone. Rey stood before he could and opened the door.

Gwen stood on the other side, her head cocked and eyebrows raised, looking between them.

"It's showtime."

Ben saw Rey swallow hard as she nodded. He tossed his phone onto the chair as he stood, walking over to her with a smile.

"Mrs. Solo, are you nervous?"

He grabbed her hands to tug her towards him. Rey made a puff of surprise as she bumped into Ben. He leaned down to kiss her, but she turned her head away.

"No! My lipstick!" she said, laughing when he nuzzled her neck instead, holding her hands behind her back.

"Hey!"

Gwen clapped her hands.

Ben looked up, amused at the annoyance on his friend's face as she glared at him. Rey's cheeks flushed as she gently tugged her hands out of Ben's grasp.

"Sorry, Gwen," she said, smoothing her hands down her dress.

Gwen waved a hand at them. "I know you just got married, but we have a full house tonight. Also, and I cannot stress this enough, I do not want to see you two making out."

Ben walked past Gwen, tugging Rey behind him. He smiled and winked at the disgruntled blonde.

"I make no promises."

Gwen rolled her eyes before turning on her heel and striding down the hallway.

Rey's hand felt limp in his. Frowning, he stopped, ignoring the huff from Gwen when she noticed they were no longer following.

"Are you alright?" He looked between Rey's eyes, trying to read her expression as she bit her lip.

"It's—I haven't performed in a long time." She cleared her throat. "Not by myself that is."

Ben's heart gave an odd thump. He reached up to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing his thumb along her cheekbone. "You're not by yourself. You have me. I'll be there, facing you the entire time. And don't forget, this is the first time I've performed in three years. You've at least been on stage with the Philharmonic."

Rey nodded. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. "You're right. I don't know where these nerves came from."

Ben leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her lips, careful not to smudge her lipstick.

A corner of her mouth tipped up when he pulled away. "How did you do this for three years all by yourself?"

He squeezed her hand, telling her a detail he hadn't ever mentioned before. "I thought of you. I looked at pictures of you. I allowed myself to wonder where you were and what you were up to."

Her eyes turned sad, but he shook his head. "No. You don't understand. You are the only thing that kept me sane those three years. I don't honestly know what I would have done if I had had to endure Snoke before I had met you."

Even though it had been three years—and many therapy sessions—since Snoke's death, the mention of his name still sent a mixture of anger and guilt flooding through Ben's veins.

He shook his head, trying to shake Snoke out of his mind.

"Not to mention," he said, "you are a better pianist than I could ever hope to be."

Rey snorted, looking away.

Ben rolled his eyes and continue on, not having enough time for _that_ argument.

"You are going to light up the stage, and people will finally realize that you're the one worth paying attention to. Every ear will be turned in your direction."

Rey bit the corner of her mouth, looking like she was trying not to smile.

"I really love you, you know that?"

He smiled back when she stood on tip toe to kiss him.

Pulling away far too soon, she walked around him, tugging his hand.

"Ok. I'm ready. Let's do this."

They started walking behind Gwen, who was mumbling under her breath and walking so fast that even Ben had to lightly jog to keep up with her.

When they reached the stage, Ben took a deep breath, glancing at Rey as she did the same. She looked over at him, her nerves now carefully hidden behind a neutral expression.

He squeezed her hand.

"Ready?"

She nodded. "Ready."

Applause erupted as they walked on stage, still holding hands. They bowed when they reached the center, and Ben couldn't help marveling at how different this stage felt with Rey by his side. For so long he had felt nothing but anger, depression, and sadness. It had tainted the stage for him, and even the critics had noticed the lack of emotion in his performances.

Now, however, his heart was thumping with a mixture of excitement, joy, and nerves. He was doing what he loved with the woman he loved.

When they straightened, Ben squeezed Rey's hand one last time, winking at her as they separated, each turning to a piano on the stage. The audience quieted as they sat, each adjusting the piano bench to their liking.

Rey looked up and the audience faded away. The bubble of excitement expanded in his chest as he looked at her.

Taking a deep breath, he nodded, the signal to start.

He put his hands on the keys and let the music make everything else fade away.

The pieces he played now were no longer just his own compositions, but his and Rey's.

It had started as something silly, with Ben playing a few notes of bluesy Chopin and Rey replying with the original classical piece. It had become a way for the both of them to decompress at the end of the day, a way to have fun with each other and with the music.

It had been Rey who first suggested writing down their not-so-silly-now compositions. Ben had had the same thought several weeks before, but hadn't wanted to pressure Rey into something she didn't want. She had seemed happy playing for the New York Philharmonic, and he had made a vow to himself that her happiness came first. He would never put music before her again.

After she had suggested it—and he had enthusiastically agreed—they spent many nights in their cramped apartment, composing music on their upright piano that was meant to be played on two pianos.

It hadn't been easy, but it had been fun. After several pieces had been ironed out, Ben had broached the topic of trying to record and sell their compositions. Surprisingly, Rey agreed.

Even though his reputation and popularity had taken a hit during and after the trial, there were still enough people friendly with his mother who were willing to at least listen the music. Many had passed—claiming they weren't ready to take on the PR problem that was Ben Solo—until Mr. Akbar, a long-time friend of Leia's, had agreed to give them a shot.

Everything had happened quickly after that.

He had proposed the day they were out celebrating the release of their album. He had been clear that he was willing to wait for however long Rey wanted and needed to plan the wedding. He wanted her to have the best of everything, and he knew his mother would want an elaborate wedding, but Rey had surprised him with her desire to have a small, intimate wedding. She said she just wanted to get her life with him started and he had fallen in love with her all over again.

So, after a five-month engagement, they were married at the courthouse with only Rose, Gwen, his mother, father, and uncle present. Rey had found a vintage gown at a shop, looking to him as beautiful and radiant as if she had spent thousands, and he had worn his best suit.

It had been the best day of his life.

Now, sitting at a piano on stage, with his hands on the keys and Rey across from him, he felt as if he had finally come home. Everything clicked into place.

The crowd was so quiet, he nearly forgot they were there. The light created a halo around Rey's head as she looked down at the keys, and his heart ached at how beautiful she was.

Ben looked back to his hands, enjoying the way their music blended, classical with jazz, rigidity with fluidity. It felt like a fitting metaphor for his life with Rey, two people who seemed so different in both personality and circumstance, who shouldn't work, but who instead perfectly complemented one another.

When the last note was played, Ben was startled by the applause as the crowd surged to its feet, whistles sounding in the audience as they both stood, walking back to the center of the stage. Rey beamed up at him, threading her fingers through his before turning to the crowd. They bowed several times, both smiling widely, before walking off the stage hand-in-hand.

* * *

Rey was exhausted as she and Ben rode the elevator up to their apartment. It was a happy exhaustion, however. It was the exhaustion that came from a successful performance and the party that followed. It was now nearly four in the morning, and as Ben unlocked the door, Rey yawned.

"Stop that." Ben tossed the keys in the bowl by the door, yawning as he did so.

Rey chuckled as she toed off her shoes, sighing as her aching feet were no longer six inches off the ground.

They wandered down the small hallway to their bedroom. The apartment was new. They had moved in after their wedding. Rose and Gwen had been kind enough to gather their friends to help move everything while they were on their honeymoon.

It had been Ben's suggestion to get another apartment to live in once they were married. A fresh start for a new life together. Rey had been sad to say goodbye to their first apartment. As tiny as it had been, it had been their first home, the home they had made when they found themselves together again.

Ben pulled her to the bed.

"We should change," she said as he laid down, pulling her down with him.

He nodded. "We should."

She snuggled up against him, her head on his chest. "I don't want to wrinkle this dress."

He ran one hand up and down her arm as his other hand played with the matching rings on her finger. "And this tux will be really uncomfortable to sleep in."

Rey closed her eyes.

She loved when he fiddled with her rings.

It was a bittersweet emotion, knowing why he did it. She had caught him playing with her rings on their wedding night.

_"I can't believe this is real life. After everything that's happened, we still ended up here."_

Rey tilted her head, resting her chin on his chest, her heart squeezing at the memory.

"I love you, Ben Solo," she whispered.

His expression morphed into a smile, the anxiety in his eyes diminishing.

"I love you too, Rey Solo."

Her breath caught at her last name. She kept waiting for the moment when it would feel normal to hear it, when she wouldn't feel as if she were dreaming.

After a month, she was still waiting.

She pushed herself up so that she could kiss him.

After a moment, she pulled away.

"You're my home," she said, repeating her wedding vows. "You're my family. I already know we can withstand any test, and I will endure anything with you by my side. You're mine and I'm yours from now until the end."

Ben swallowed hard, blinking rapidly. She had vowed to herself early in their reconciliation that she would tell him she loved him every day for however long it took for him not to look surprised, and every day after as well. They had both been through a lot, each seeing a therapist alone and seeing one together, working through all the pain of the past several years.

Ben wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tightly. She squeezed him back with equal enthusiasm, leaning her ear against his heart, listening to the steady beat.

Neither spoke, basking in their happiness until they fell asleep.

The End

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you guys so much for reading. Ending this is bittersweet since I got the idea for it almost two years ago and it's a subject I'm passionate about. It has easily been the fic that I've had the most fun and passion writing. I hope you all enjoyed it and thank you for reading my little slice of Reylo. :)


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